All or nothing

Ah, spring.  The season when my hormones start a-rumblin’ and I really, really wanna find one or more boys to vigorously – some might say brutally – have my way with.

It’s not just sex or even domination that I crave.  I’m also craving newness.  A new body to learn.  New responses to elicit.  The thrill of catching and conquering someone and watching him unravel just for me.

Finding these experiences isn’t easy for me.

Sometimes I think I’m so picky I get in my own way.  But then I remember that all I want is a dude I’m a) attracted to b) get along with decently c) who’ll get me off and d) who enjoys taking at least a somewhat submissive role with me.  This is not a high bar.  I would say that everything but (d) is really just basic shit that anyone would want from someone they’re screwing.

Oh, and also e) someone who’ll actually keep coming by and not just disappear for no fucking reason.  This factor – more than any of the others – is why I like to go slowly when I meet a guy.  It’s just too depressing to have awesome sex with someone and happily anticipate that my needs will be taken care of regularly and awesomely for the foreseeable future, only to have the guy stop answering my texts*.  Better to keep things at the conversation-and-light-making-out stage until the dude proves he intends to keep on coming back.  Also, establishing an actual friendship before having sex couldn’t possibly do me any harm, on the giving-a-dude-reasons-to-keep-seeing-me front.

The fact remains, though, that I want sex or at least makeouts with someone new, and it’s not happening.

So now I have to decide which craving takes the higher priority: the craving for ongoing funtimes or the craving for novelty.  Because if novelty comes out ahead, well, I guess I can always drag someone home and fuck them with no expectation of repeat visits, or make out with some dude at a bar.  If I can remember how to do either of those things.

I think for me it has to be all or nothing: either I get physical with a virtual stranger and then vanish into the night, or I get to know someone gradually and get physical with him only after he’s been thoroughly vetted.  The middle ground – sexytimes with someone I kind of know and who seems okay – tends to lead to disappointment one way or another.

 

*It’s also depressing to have terrible sex – and I think terrible sex can largely be avoided by getting to know a potential partner first.  I mean this in the sense that if someone is a selfish, entitled douche, it will become obvious the longer I talk to him and then I will know not to do naked things with that person because he won’t be any fun.