Nail polish, shoes, and naked boy.

One of my FL friends bought me some shoes! He’d offered to do this and we’d talked a bit about it but then the conversation sorta trailed off so I figured that was that. But no, dude researched stores in my area that carry larger sizes of high heels, called one place, and bought me a $180 gift card so that I might go buy myself a pair of shoes in a style he likes and get myself something with whatever was left over.

The store, Long Tall Sally, is a bit on the snooty side so the gift card didn’t go as far as my benefactor might have expected. But I did purchase a pair of shoes that more-or-less matched his specifications (black, skinny heel, strappy but very very minimal so basically it’s just my foot displayed on a slanted platter). To be honest, because the shoes didn’t come in extra wide, my foot kind of overflows the sole of the shoe…but that hopefully won’t be too obvious to a casual observer.

I’m pretty disappointed in the limited style choices in the store, not to mention that almost nothing came in wide sizes. This is a store specifically for tall and large-footed women and they only cater to feet that are larger than average in one direction? That’s bullshit.

I tried on another pair there that I kind of want (though not enough to pay for myself, at least not at this juncture). They were basically lace-up strappy booties with 4″ stiletto heels, and I’ve never had a shoe so high and feminine and seximafied on my foot before! It was weird to see such a thing on me. They were surprisingly comfy, although I’d still be saving them for very special (and short) occasions. :P

But anyway, that guy I made out with on my bday agreed to come with me and take some videos of me trying stuff on. Then I took him back to my place and we had unhurried, sweet, low-key, friendly naked times and play. Like I didn’t get totally lost in it or anything and I don’t think he did either but it was just…nice. I feel comfortable around him. And he was suuuuper fun to give a hand job to – done well before I got bored or exhausted and a tremendous moaner. Before the hand job, I asked about his STI testing status. He said his last tests were fine, but he’s had two or three new partners since. I told him his cock was just the perfect size and looked so pretty it made me want to ride it. He said he felt he should get re-tested first. My god, a man who actually does his share of protecting our health! And who’ll turn me down for my sake when I’m offering sex and we’re already naked and stuff! I already liked him but that made me like him about three thousand percent more.

And there’s just something about him where I felt comfortable with him right away. I got naked almost as soon as we got back to my place (I’d dressed too warmly for the weather and was sweaty so I took a shower and came out in just a towel and started making out with him, and the towel soon fell off), and he didn’t interpret this as an offer of sex or a hint for him to disrobe; he was even still easily capable of making eye contact with me when we talked. And we did continue having conversations about things between bouts of making out. Not long after that I had to pee and didn’t even bother closing the bathroom door. Later still, after my hand job had made him squirt like eight freaking gallons of semen all over himself, he took a shower and didn’t close the door, either. I went into the bathroom to hunt for my bra and he heard me, opened the curtain partway, and talked to me as he continued washing himself.

It was just really nice.

Also, the six nail polishes I ordered myself from my bday money arrived already, and I love the living shit out of every single one of them. These things aren’t always a given – sometimes a polish can be a gorgeous colour but hard to apply, or fine to apply but the colour isn’t what it looked like online. But these were all just wonderful on all counts.

In case you care, I bought:

The three colours necessary to make these “fiery” nails!

This black-with-silver-glitter!

This rich, shimmery red!

This textured glitter that looks like crushed garnets or something!

And now I reeeeally need to rein in my nail polish spending, because I’ve actually bought like six others in the last week or so, too. Admittedly most of them were on sale, but I tend to buy high quality brands so “on sale” still means like $6 each. STOP THE MADNESSSSSSSS!!!!!

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Birthday!

btw, I celebrated my birthday recently and it was wonderful.

It was determined that MIne and my friend Red and a couple of other people would go out dancing. We convened at Red’s place for pre-drinking, and she’d made me a gluten-free cake! Her gift to me was a lip balm that smells like chocolate and jasmine and some other things. At first my brain was puzzled by the presence of non-chocolate scents mixed with the chocolate, but the more I smell it, the more I love it (Leigh Alanna, in case you’re reading this and curious, it’s Tokyo Milk Dark). I’ve been dabbing a bit on my neck as a solid perfume, too.

The club was almost totally dead and yet the music was right up my alley – which suited me just fine. For most of the night I was the only one on the dance floor, and I strutted and flailed and spun to my heart’s content.

And! By a weird coincidence, a FetLife friend I’m vaguely interested in, and have kissed a bit before, was at the club. I took Mine aside and asked if it would be okay if I made out with this other guy and he said “Yeah,” not in a worried or jealous or cautious voice but more like my freedom was a given and he was startled that I’d even bother asking.

OtherDude left before I got around to asking if he’d kiss and touch me at the same time as MIne, but as it stands we made out a bit while Mine was across the room playing pool with one of my friends. And then a few minutes later I went over to touch base with Mine and kissed him, too. I’m beginning to realize that sexual variety is kind of a kink of mine. Or, not exactly the variety per se, but just the idea of making out with more than one person in a short time period without either of them being upset over it or looking down on me as some big slut. I’ve been identifying as poly for years and it still feels like I’m getting away with something. :)

Today I got a bday card in the mail from my parents. Usually they enclose a cheque for $100, but this time they made it for $420, I guess to reflect the fact that I turned 42. I don’t know why they decided to give me more than usual – it’s not like 42 is a milestone birthday, unless you’re into The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which my parents are not – but the unexpected windfall makes me super happy! Most of it will be going toward paying off my line of credit, I think, but I did go on a wee online nail polish shopping spree. My finances have been slowly sliding toward dire lately and it’s just such a relief to have this little reprieve.

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“If you’re enjoying yourself then why am I paying?”

I feel like there’s a thing where, if a sex worker says they like what they do, some people think they should do it for free. Like they’re just doing shit they’d do anyway and then demanding payment for it.

Now that I’ve done that one pro domme session and begun filming foot porn, I have some insights that may help people who are confused about this issue.

1) Enjoying sex work is not (for me, anyway, and I think for a lot of workers) the same thing as enjoying sex. Sex in my personal life gives me joy because I’m connecting with my partners on an intimate level and getting off and usually having feelings of love and whatnot. Sex work is enjoyable to me in a completely different and nonsexual way. I have a background in customer service, and pride myself on reading people well and instinctively giving them what they need; I also really like performing (which is also why I love art modelling and dressing up for Hallowe’en). Sex work of various kinds pushes my “customer service” and “performer” buttons, not my sexbuttons. Sex work actually feels almost the opposite of sex to me, emotionally; the sexykinkytimes I have in my personal life make me feel happy in a powerful way, and the sexykinkytimes I’ve had as a pro domme or porn star make me feel like I work retail and my manager just gave me a verbal pat on the head and I’m glowing because yay, I’m a good little helper! It’s flattering but it doesn’t push my dominance buttons or get me off at all.

2) Even if I did enjoy sex work the exact same way that I enjoy sex in my personal life, there’s nothing wrong with me asking for money upfront for what I do. If the other person doesn’t wanna pay, they can go elsewhere and look for a partner who’ll do stuff for free. Some folks seem to think it’s some kind of unfair extortionist thing to ask someone for money in exchange for sex, but no. It would only be mean/unfair/extortion if orgasms were something a guy couldn’t give himself and he needed them in order to live.

3) Although I genuinely enjoy the fact that a subsection of guys finds my feet irresistible, and I enjoy filming foot porn clips, I enjoy sprawling on the couch watching Netflix with my cats more. It takes effort to come up with an idea, make sure my feet are smooth and moisturized, set up a clean, uncluttered backdrop, film a clip, edit it, compress it, convert it to MP4, and upload it to the interwebz. Just being complimented on the hotness of my feet wouldn’t make all of this worth my while. Getting paid would. There are people out there for whom compliments would be enough, and they post their shit for free. If you don’t wanna pay for what I offer, you’re welcome to go to them. But I don’t owe you free titillation just ’cause you want it from me.

4) The getting paid is a big reason for my enjoyment. Not just because I like having money to buy food and shelter with, but because it means a lot to me that someone would buy one of my clips when there’s all kinds of free porn everywhere on the internet. It feels like the person must really want what I have to offer, specifically- enough to give up some of their hard-earned cash. It’s a testament to my skills as a performer.

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Not bad.

So I’ve just done some tallying and it seems my feet have made me about $60 in the two weeks since I’ve started selling clips. That’s better than I’d guessed it would be. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed that my sales will go in an upwardly direction and this nice little dribble of sales isn’t a fluke.

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SQUEEEE!

I got a clip order! And I don’t think it’s from a friend of mine because nobody wrote to me saying they were gonna do that! *HAPPY DANCE*.

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A weird sort of optimism

So my clip store’s views per day have plummeted, as mentioned. But even though I’ve no doubt been bumped out of the “new studio” category by now and haven’t uploaded anything in two days, the views aren’t zero. Fifteen to thirty people a day are still finding me. This is oddly reassuring. Makes me think that if I porn a little harder I can really build some momentum.

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An unexpected annoyance

I need to get Mine to sign a model release form so I can post the clips we’ve made together. Turns out Clips4Sale has a sample one I can use. I just read it over and noticed that it refers to the model as “she” repeatedly throughout the whole thing.

This irritates the living shit out of me. Does the legal staff of a porn website (a website with categories such as CBT, BLOWJOB, and BONDAGE MALE, btw) really not know that porn with guys in it exists? Could they not have taken two seconds to put in more inclusive language?

I’m PMSing today and not really in the mood to be reminded that “female” is the Official Gender of Being Objectified for Others’ Arousal.

:P

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