Achievement unlocked: boy/boy action performed (partly) for my viewing pleasure

It happened! It totally, actually happened. I invited Mine and Dom over and Mine learned to suck dick.

I asked Dom ahead of time whether he’d wanna get right to it or have some small talk first (Mine is so cock-obsessed I’m sure he would have waited by the front door on his knees with his mouth open, but I wanted to make sure Dom was comfortable – he’s a friend, not a prop). Dom said small talk would be better for him, so that’s what we did: sat in the living room and talked. Dom is super friendly and chatty so it went fairly smoothly, even though Mine is shy and I’m awkward. Although of course there was an almost ominous shadow of anticipation hanging over all our interactions because we all knew what we were there for.

Dom had requested that I provide eye candy during the act (understandable, since he’s not actually into dudes) and as usual I couldn’t think of a graceful segue from small talk to sexytimes, so I excused myself to pee and, while in the bathroom, swapped out my boring everyday underthings for lingerie and then put my dress back on overtop. By complete luck, this dress has a zipper in back that goes really far down, so I can take it off downward (every other dress I own has to be pulled over my head).

So I walked back out of the bathroom with it covertly unzipped, made a bit more small talk, then pulled an “Oops, my dress fell off!”

Then I was like “Hey Dom, can we see your penis?”

Both boys immediately began stripping down, which I hadn’t been expecting. Both are straight-but-into-cock so I guess I assumed Mine would stay dressed and Dom would just unzip and take himself out. But hey, if they wanted to be naked, that was fine too (if slightly weird for me because Dom is a platonic friend of the non-naked kind). There was a methodical, almost dutiful quality to their undressing that struck me as somewhat unsexy. I hoped the evening would work out okay.

I reiterated that the idea of the evening was for Mine to learn to suck cock, so Dom should feel free to talk about exactly what he likes – which he did. One of the reasons I chose him for this mission is that he’s very talkative and articulate – not shy about expressing himself at all – so I knew he’d be better-than-average at giving fellatio lessons.

Mine knelt on the floor between Dom’s legs and took Dom’s cock in his mouth. I watched Mine’s face closely, trying to read whether that first moment lived up to his fantasies, but I couldn’t tell. It may be worth knowing that Mine was completely hard from the moment everyone got undressed, though.

Dom gave a brief overview of what he likes, cock-sucking-wise, and then reached out and began massaging my shoulders while receiving Mine’s oral attentions. I was all sore from work so the massage was more than welcome, and my moans seemed to get Dom going, so win-win.

I had thought that maybe in the heat of the moment I would become interested in engaging with Dom further, but nope – I’m just not attracted to him. He’s perfectly nice looking and I adore him as a friend and I enjoyed the touching and massages he gave me, but I had no wish for anything further. I caressed his torso sometimes (and, for a minute or two, the underside of his ball sac, to demonstrate what Mine might try doing) and sometimes we smiled at each other, but we did not kiss. I like that Dom didn’t ever try to escalate things, at least without asking. After a little while of massaging he asked “May I touch you a little more familiarly?” and I asked what he had in mind and he said he’d like to be able to touch my butt. I was good with that. But even though he was touching pretty much all of my exposed skin, he never assumed this meant it was game on for anything and everything.

For my part, I was very conscious of wanting to make sure everyone felt included. As much as Mine fantasizes about being used as a hole, I felt that he likely wouldn’t want me to totally act like he was just a cocksucking machine – plus this was his first time out and I felt moral support was called for. So I alternated between interacting with Dom and stroking Mine’s back and hair. After quite a long time of focusing ferociously sucking on Dom’s cock, Mine switched to jerking him off for a bit and we made eye contact for the first time since the naked stuff began. His expression was hard to describe…like we had a shared secret, kind of? An acknowledgement of our conceit that he was my property that I was lending out? I mouthed “good boy” and he smiled and mouthed back something I didn’t quite catch. It might have been “thank you.” I’m not good at lip reading.

Mine must have been flogging way for at least half an hour and Dom showed no signs of coming. I knew it was important to Mine to get the “reward” of a mouthful of semen for his efforts, but I didn’t wanna spook Dom by putting too much emphasis on it so as much as I wanted to say “Sooooo how are things coming along, there?” I did not. At one point I did ask Dom if he was getting overstimulated and maybe needed a break, though. He actually declined at the time, but maybe ten minutes later said that yeah, now he needed a bit of a rest.

Mine got up on the couch on the other side of me. “Cuddle pile!” Dom declared, and the two of them both petted me while I sprawled between and partially on them. It was quite lovely; I felt such affection for them both, and they both have lovely warm hands and are good at paying attention to responses and adjusting their techniques for maximum impact.

Dom intermittently jerked off during the snuggletouching, and eventually said “I’m ready for more if you’re up for it, Mine.” And can I just say I loved how courteous Dom was, calling Mine by name and asking for things politely and being patient with gaffes like Mine accidentally using too much teeth. At a few different points he even caressed Mine’s head during the fellatio, which was so hot I could’ve just about died.

Mine got back on his knees and went to work, and it took five or ten more minutes but Dom did finally announce (in a hilariously deadpan tone, given the circumstances) that he was coming. And then his matter-of-fact statement dissolved into moans, and Mine also moaned, hungrily, as he sucked and swallowed Dom’s load. Throughout the entire evening, I still hadn’t been completely sure whether Mine was enjoying cocksucking as much as he thought he would or if he’d just been going through the motions so as not to disappoint. Those moans were my first inkling that things were probably good. Then, having clambered back up on the couch again, Mine said to Dom, in sort of a stunned and grateful voice, “I would totally do that again if you ever wanted to” and that’s when I knew for sure.

The three of us sprawled on the couch and talked some more; I started jerking Mine off, figuring he probably needed it after his big fantasy coming true like that, but Dom’s and my small talk wasn’t of a sexy nature so it began to feel like a choice between the conversation and the hand job. I chose conversation so as not to make Dom feel excluded. Pretty soon after that he had to go – it was one in the morning by then and he has a day job.

Once MIne and I were alone, for the rest of our awake-time he periodically hugged me and thanked me for making this blowjob happen. He was just adorably beside himself with excitement.

For my part, I was so wired I didn’t feel sleepy – although I didn’t want to try for an orgasm to make me sleepy, either. For whatever reason, whenever I get into new sexual or kinky territory, my brain keeps me at one remove – I rarely feel turned on in the moment. Afterward, once I’ve processed a little, that’s when I’ll probably feel turned on and wank to the memories.

I had Mine massage my feet until I felt like maybe I could actually sleep. Then, in bed, I told Mine to jerk off to completion (not only had he lived his huge fantasy that day, we’re also practicing orgasm control so he hadn’t come at all in like a week – while knowing that this dick sucking day was fast approaching, and edging every day thinking about it. Poor boy must have been pretttttty backed up). As he touched himself, he asked “Do you want me to just come, or to eat it after?”

“You’ll be eating it,” I said. “…Unless you’d rather come on me and lick it off…”

It was dark in the room but I heard his breath hitch at the very idea. He enthusiastically agreed that he wanted to lick his come off me, and had me cuddle up to him until he said he was close – whereupon I rolled over and turned on the bedside lamp so he could Jackson Pollock my back. I love the feeling of a partner coming on me (Just not in my face or genital region…)…all those warm, slippery little spurts. When Mine told me he was coming, at first I felt just a light splatter and thought “Huh, that doesn’t seem like much.” But then suddenly there was a gallon more. Not splatters anymore. More like someone pouring warm liquid out of a pitcher. While gasping and moaning.

The gushing stopped and his sounds mostly died down, so I told him to clean up his mess…and he gasped “…I’m not done…” and apparently kept on orgasming for another five or ten seconds. So fucking hot. And then, yes, he bent and licked up as much as he could (some had run off the edge of my back onto the bed). He confirmed that he’d ejaculated a large amount – that hadn’t been my imagination.

And we slept.

And in the morning he was all puppy-wiggly and overjoyed again at having had his fantasy come true. And then he said “Hey, you know how you wanted me to be open with you about my emotions?”

“Yeah,” I said. I felt trepidation; I had told him to be transparent with me, so that I’d know if any problems came up. I wondered if he was having an issue with me.

But he told me he thought he was falling in love with me.

I wish I could’ve said it back. I did feel it, at one point; I’ve almost said “I love you” to him on several occasions. But lately I’m feeling all distant n shit, and I think it’s probably fear/self-preservation but I don’t know. What I said to him was “I…have been feeling some things, too. But I’m not ready to say the words. We’ll just…see how things go.” He seemed fine with this. Mostly I think he was just happy he didn’t scare me off. His “in love” speech had contained substantial amounts of “I know it’s really soon and I hope you don’t think I’m weird.”

I felt awful at how distant I was at that moment. He professes he loves me and I’m in a headspace where I practically wanna go “Atta boy!” and give him a jaunty punch in the arm. I mean it was hard for me to even manufacture a semblance of affection at that moment. I was a deer in headlights. And it’s so, so frustrating because he’s lovely and I did feel like I was falling for him before and how do I get back to that?

But literally thirty seconds after we kissed goodbye at my front door and he left, my stomach butterflies came back. I had a raucous urge to fling open the door and yell his name – make him come back to me, look into his eyes, and say “I love you.” But he was probably far-ish away by then and I was in a bathrobe and therefore in no position to give chase. Also I was afraid once I said it, my emotions would close down again and I’d be left wondering what I’d gotten myself into.

This lends credence to my “self preservation” theory, though: my feelings came back only when Mine was on his way out of the apartment, and therefore I was “safe.” I could have bared my heart and made myself vulnerable to him and then he’d be gone and I wouldn’t have to sit around with him right there owning a piece of me like that.

Jesus, I’m gun-shy. I wonder how I get past it?

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Shiny things!

My nail polish gifts seem to come in waves. I had nothing since, I think, June, and now two people have sent me gift certificates within a week of each other. One of these guys sent a whopping $50 and didn’t even have any specific colour requests – he told me to get whatever I wanted and surprise him. I’m pleased with any gifts I get, of course – when I cater to specific polish requests, it’s from a list of ones I want, not an open call to ask for any damn thing in the world whether I like it or not – but being given a pretty big chunk of cash and absolute free rein over what to buy totally made my day.

Between the two guys, I now have nine nail polishes coming to me. I’m so thrilled I could just about burst. :D

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Money musings/sex work lite

So I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been doing a little thing on FetLife of offering foot pics in exchange for nail polish gift certificates. It’s working nicely – I don’t have a steady stream of people buying me shit or anything, but I’ve gotten some nice little presents and everyone’s been remarkably respectful and sweet.

It occurs to me that, in order to be enticing and effective, online domme “wish lists” should probably be for luxury items and pretty shiny trinkets (like nail polish) – it behooves a woman to give the impression that she lives a live of indolence and luxury and that these men are simply lavishing extra attention on her. And probably the items asked for should be kinda sexy.

Like…it’s occurred to me to offer dudes an opportunity to buy me other things, but I think it would compromise my aura of sensual domly-dom power if I asked for the things I want most – like an electric shaver for my head, a shitload of basic everyday flesh-coloured bras because mine are almost worn out, or a sturdy knapsack to replace the one that’s falling apart.

Buying me fun stuff means I have the power. Buying me practical stuff because I can’t afford it myself means they have the power.

Reminds me of a friend-of-a-friend who works as a pro domme – her online presence acted like she was rich and stuff, but my friend told me that she really wasn’t. Her “favourite little space” that she sometimes used for a dungeon was her apartment, which she simply pretended was one of many spaces at her disposal. It gave clilents a better, more powerful image of her.

I’m also reminded of my own art modelling job, where I’m careful not to act like “Oh thank god you’re offering me work – now I can afford rent!” because that would no doubt make people uncomfortable. They don’t want to think I’m depending on them for my livelihood. They don’t want to think about the specifics of my life at all. They want a chick who’ll come over, be pleasant to interact with, and pose well, and that’s it. And so I always, always pretend I’m doing just fine and working a fair bit, even when I’m not.

It’s a lot of pressure, sometimes, having to act all nonchalant (“Oh, you need to cancel next week’s session? Sure, thanks for letting me know and call me when you’re free again”) when at times I’m really, really depending on that money. I like what I do, but in this tiny way I do miss working a “real,” “normal,” not-contract, not-freelance job. The only posturing I had to do at my office job was that I enjoyed it; the money came in steadily all by itself.

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More adventures with Mine.

Mine is a masochist. He seems to get stress relief/catharsis from it. I had kind of assumed that paintimes wouldn’t mix too well with sexytimes for him for this reason. But he recently told me he’d fantasized about jerking off while I was wailing on his ass and back with hitting implements, so that’s…interesting.

I haven’t tried that yet, but the last time he was over I asked how he’d feel about me slapping him right when he was orgasming. He wanted to try this. So I rode his cock and when he said he was just about there, I slapped him in the face. Several times. So hard that the sound was less slappy and more just the flat-out clunk of my hand rattling his skull-bones. Helluva way to end two weeks of orgasm denial…he loved it.

This should also have been hot for me, but I was feeling sort of distant. I think this is just my normal fear-of-intimacy thing and that if I stay the course I’ll get past it – so I’m basically just gonna hang in there and see what happens.

He told me he’s had daydreams about us living together. He was worried that this would freak me out, but it didn’t – I’d daydreamed it, too, before this blanket of distance/caution/self-preservation/whatever fell on me. I wouldn’t have actually done it – at least not any time soon – but I’d been enjoying our D/s dynamic and kind of starting to fall for him and he lives in a different city, so of course I’m gonna idly fantasize about what it would be like if I had more access to him.

I have to say that the experience of living with Minx makes me never want to cohabit again…but Mine’s situation potentially has some built-in advantages that would make things turn out differently this time. He’s a handyman/labourer right now, but his ultimate career goal is to become a truck driver, and he’s actively working on getting the required licenses and whatnot. If/when that happens, he’ll be gone for substantial periods so I’d still have lots of quiet time and personal space. Also, I think he’d be willing and able to contribute more rent money than Minx did, so we’d be able to rent a place big enough that we wouldn’t be falling all over each other. And he’s a bit of a cuckold, so my being poly wouldn’t be too awkward. He likes the idea of me fucking other people.

So, y’know…if my sudden dip in feelings toward this boy is indeed just a phase, then maybe, someday…

In the meantime, we’ve set a concrete date/time for him to come blow my friend. So that should be fun.

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I am the oddest matchmaker.

My friendship with that dominant dude continues. He’s awesome and I wuv him. I’m sad for him because he’s in a long-term relationship with a woman but she never has a sex drive anymore; he feels unwanted and sad and pent-up. I’ve been in similar relationships so I totally understand this.

Meanwhile, my submissive, Mine, is cock-obsessed. He doesn’t especially want to interact with a guy, just a dick. Or multiple dicks. He’s super into the idea of being treated like a set of holes for men to use, and he doesn’t care what the guys look like or anything.

Earlier today, I realized that maybe I could kill two birds with one stone.*

So I texted dominant dude, and he (and his girlfriend) are down. And Mine will suck anyone I tell him to. So now it’s just a matter of coordinating our schedules.

Mine is seriously so enthusiastic about dick. He was over recently and sucked one of my strap-ons, after which I had him wash it off for me and he said he actually began to get a little turned on just from rubbing his soapy hand over this silicone dick to clean it. Hopefully Mine’s rampant enthusiasm will give my dom friend the feeling of desirability he’s been missing, and give me some fun eye candy. Mine is thrilled to pieces that I’ve found him a real live cock to suck.

Win-win-win!!!

*Dom dude is poly (though he hasn’t had an opportunity to take advantage of this since entering his relationship) and is another guy I’d classify as straight-but-into-cock. He’s done stuff with dudes before and thought it was pretty fun, but isn’t into dudes visually.

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Yay sex!

I forgot to mention – and want to, for posterity – that the last time I saw The Bunny we had quite a lovely time. Including some fun sex.

During our recent “stuff is feeling not-great so how can we fix it” talk, he’d mentioned that he missed being bitten and would also like me to objectify him more – particularly reducing him to just a penis (after the visit I was like “So hey, if I act like as though your dick is the most important thing about you, won’t that maybe psych you out and give you erectile problems again?” he was like “No, why would it?” *Facepalm*.) Another part of that “how do we fix it” talk comprised me pointing out that he never invited me to sleep over anymore and I missed that a little – it felt as though he didn’t like me as much as he used to.

And so he invited me to stay the night on (Canadian) Thanksgiving. When I was on my way over he texted that he was feeling kind of headachey (code for “not in the mood for sex,” I’m guessing) so we spent the evening snuggling and watching movies – and eating the delicious dinner he’d prepared. The next morning we got to snuggling under the blankets which turned to making out which turned to me putting thirty-odd clothespins on his penis and scrotum.

As before, The Bunny remained hard and oozing the entire time I tortured his junk (he dismissed this as a “fear-boner” but he was totally just being a brat. Something about CBT does turn him on).

While the clothespins were still on, I started biting his chest. He winced and asked me to stop. I told him I wanted to hear him say “please.” He gave me a defiant look that he’s only ever given me when trying deliberately to provoke me. It worked – immediately I felt my ears prick up, lionlike; I felt my canine teeth begin to elongate. Metaphorically speaking.

“So that’s how it’s gonna be,” I said, grinning pointily. I started biting a little trail down The Bunny’s chest and stomach. He squirmed and protested and I told him again to say “please.”

“No!” he said, in almost a petulant-little-kid voice.

I fastened my teeth around a hunk of his inner thigh and slowly began to bear down. The Bunny kept on protesting. “Say it,” I said, awkwardly because I was still biting him.

Then The Bunny said, in a more normal tone, “I’m asking you to stop.”

That confused me. He’d so clearly been egging me on – following our familiar pattern of pretending to be stoic so I could “break” him – but now suddenly he was sounding serious. And if he’d said “red” or even “no, seriously, stop” I would have stopped. As it was, though, I was torn. He hadn’t said the safeword, and he hadn’t said “please” (which also would have stopped the action immediately). He’s redded out and said “please” to me before, so I know he has no problem with either thing. Was he testing/goading me, or just too scatterbrained to say the right words?

I maintained my bite but stopped bearing down. “This is becoming an ethical quandary” I lisped around that chewy, dense, salty hunk of Bunny flesh.

“Yeah, it is,” The Bunny said. His tone was inscrutable and I still didn’t know what to make of it.

“You know if you say ‘please’ I’ll stop,” I said, finally. Still with my teeth in his thigh.

“Please,” The Bunny said, and I immediately let go, came up and kissed him. He didn’t seem upset at all, and things quickly segued into me taking the clothespins off him, putting stockings on me, and teasing him with my feet while he jerked off. I will, however, ask him sometime soon what was going on there with the biting – if he was really needing me to stop or what.

The Bunny came with my stockinged foot in his mouth muffling his moans. Curiously, though he said he did orgasm, almost nothing came out. Which may have contributed to his shorter-than-usual refractory period.

I took off the stockings and we snuggled for a short while, and then he started jerking off again. “You think you’ve got another one in the chamber?” I asked, surprised and impressed.

“Probably,” The Bunny replied.

“Oooh, maybe I can take a ride after all.” I’d been torn, earlier, between fucking The Bunny and doing the stocking-teasing thing. I enjoy both of those activities. Now it seemed I would get to do them both. Hurrah!

“You would never be so mean as to gag me with those stockings, would you?” The Bunny Br’er Rabbited.

“Oh, that would just be too cruel,” I said, but obligingly took one and stuffed it into his mouth. I’m glad he reminded me, actually, because it’s an idea I’ve always found hot but never got around to doing – and apparently that day I was kinda slow on the uptake.

So I put a condom on The Bunny and proceeded to ride – not so much for my own physical pleasure as to cleanse my palate of The Bunny’s recent sexual dysfunction. I just really, really needed to restore my faith in The Bunny’s functionality by getting the shit nailed out of me. PIV had been so fraught with peril and false starts lately.

And nail me he did. No issues at all. Thank god.

I started off doing the thrusting, but quickly got tired – and also wanted to feel the enormous strength The Bunny has running through the core of his body (so fucking hot!) – so I told him to push up at me, instead, and I just kinda suspended myself over him and let him do the work. He’s like a goddamned piston in that position. It is seriously amazing. I’d be sore after fifteen seconds if I had to move that way, but he seems like he can jackhammer upward like that indefinitely.

And then I remembered how we both missed me acting dominant/taking what I wanted/generally objectifying him. So I clamped my hand over his already stocking-stuffed mouth, bent down to his ear, and started free-associating. “What a lovely little fuck toy you are.” “I love the way you fuck me. Too bad you’re not good for anything else.” “Pretty boys are so much more fun when they don’t talk.” And every time I said one of these mildly disparaging things, The Bunny went insane with gasping and moaning. It seems that pretending his entire value is in his cock is a huge button for him.- I think the thing about me liking it best when he doesn’t talk actually threw him over the edge and made him come. That is fascinating and I’m totally gonna explore it more. Lord knows I’ve sexualized The Bunny’s appearance before, and also complimented his penis, but acting like his dick is all that matters always seemed too mean (and also untrue!) so I carefully avoided going there. I kinda figured if I got all dick-centred like that, The Bunny would be hurt/offended. But he…wasn’t. :D

Just about the second The Bunny came, I dismounted and was like “HITACHI NAO PLZ” because he’d really gotten me going. As is increasingly par for the course with him, I had a hard time orgasming and when I did it was somewhat sub par. It’s gonna take a while for my mental block(s) with him to dissipate, I guess. But he seems to have gotten his end squared away, and if he’s having reliable erections again and seeming attracted to me and all that, it can only help my end.

We texted a bit today about that whole “vaginal orgasms” conversation, btw. Long story short: I forgive him. He has a lot of weird variations on orgasms, himself – rivers of semen flowing out but not much of an “orgasm” sensation, orgasm sensation but little to no ejaculation, a storm of little pulsations that are intense but that he would not call an orgasm per se – and he thought maybe I was having some kind of different/halfway/WTF-gasms, maybe, from penetration sometimes. Because actually, sometimes when he comes during PIV it turns me on so much that I shudder and get goosebumps. I don’t shudder or get goosebumpy like that during my actual orgasms, but it’s not unreasonable to postulate that something was maybe happening with those goosebumps – some different kind of climax. I told The Bunny that if I ever come by an unusual means it would be surprising so I’d definitely tell him, and also if he’s ever in doubt he could just ask instead of assuming. He understands and we’re all good now.

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OK SRSLY I’M GONNA SMACK SOMEONE.

So Minx was over the other night and I related the story of The Bunny assuming I’ve been having g-spot orgasms for no good reason, and how irritating that was. Minx had a good chuckle over that.

Then she asked “Was ‘fuck me, bitch’ a g-spot orgasm?”

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT. She asked this literally ten seconds after I said that I don’t come vaginally, and also we dated for three years and I reiterated that I only come from external clitoral stimulation every time she asked. Not to mention asking for, or giving myself, external clitoral stimulation any time I wanted to get off. Occasionally I wanted a couple of her fingers inside me to supplement the clitoral stuff, but I’ve never, ever asked for only finger penetration to get off. Because penetration alone won’t get me there. As I told her from the beginning.

And by the way, don’t you think that if – by some freak accident – I had an orgasm from penetration for the first time in thirty-odd years of getting off, I would probably say something? It’s a little presumptuous and weird for anyone to assume I’ve suddenly started climaxing in a brand new way and plumb forgot to mention it.

Penis-having people are pissing me right the fuck off lately.

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