Tag Archives: The Pedant

Chicks love assholes

The Dandy was home when I brought that latest piece of cougarbait over, btw. After the boy left, I lamented that I’d wanted to be into him but I just…wasn’t. The kid looked so great on paper. Why didn’t it work?

“He seemed kind of…bland,” The Dandy said. “I mean, does he even have any hobbies? Anything he’s passionate about?”

“Ooooh, that’s a good point,” I said. “He didn’t really have anything like that. All of his non-kink conversation was basically cat stories. And if I can just say, he wasn’t as interested in my art as I might have hoped. I make some cool shit, dammit. I want someone who’s excited about that!”

And I realized: I have a pattern of liking guys with a bit of an edge to them. Guys who are generally considerate and kind, but who will troll the shit out of people who deserve it. The key there, of course, is that we need to have the same idea of who deserves it. And the trolling has to be witty, not “you’re a big doodyhead!”

Recently, I was telling The Dandy about this guy on FetLife who had been consistently annoying me. He was a maledom with a lot to prove; he was so insecure that his username was a string of honourifics. Let’s call him MrReverendSir.

The Dandy said “Well, if he’s a reverend then doesn’t that mean the only ones he’s dominating are little boys?”

My jaw hit the floor. Then I started laughing. Then I wanted to fuck him. Oh, the meanness, it is delicious.

Another Dandy story: apparently in college he had a professor who would pretend not to hear one of his classmates’ questions, solely because the professor didn’t like this person.

So The Dandy started considerately “helping” the professor with his “hearing problem.” That one classmate would ask a question and professor would go “Yeah no I can’t hear you” and try to move on. And The Dandy would cheerfully bellow “HE SAID -” and repeat the question at the absolute top of his lungs, enunciating with precision. The Dandy has a big ol’ barrel chest. He can project his voice really fucking loudly. There is no possible way the professor could claim to have not heard him – so the professor had to answer the questions. 😀

The Pedant is also a catty bitch at people who have it coming. I can’t remember any specific zingers, but I know there have been some.

My favourite story about my ex-husband is that we were hanging out one time with his mom and one of her friends. The subject of veganism/vegetarianism came up somehow (ex and I were vegan at the time). His mom and her friend said animals are dumb so it’s no big deal if we eat them. Ex replied: “I guarantee you that the difference in intelligence between me and you two is at least as big as the difference between you and a cow. Does that mean I get to torture you to death?”

Ex was indeed a super-genius and his mom and her friends were…not, so I believe his statement was no exaggeration. But the audacity of calling someone stupid to their face! Especially your own mom! And what a brilliant way to make his point – make it personal. Ask her to take her “logic” to its inevitable conclusion. I loved it. In that moment I was thrilled to be his partner.

The 23yo I recently tried to date didn’t have that edge to him. And honestly he didn’t have the kind of quick-witted intelligence that turns my crank, either. So no wonder it was a bust.

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The Pedant recently went on a fun vacation trip with his live-in gf, Raver Chick. The Pedant has a credit card now (almost like a grownup! *Slow clap*) and was going to use that to pay for the hotel, but he had to pay down the balance first and he didn’t realize that online payments take a few days to show up on the card and meanwhile there was a deadline on booking the hotel so ANYWAY long story short he asked to borrow $500 from me so he could book that trip. He promised to pay me back in two weeks.

It’s my slow season at work and I’m really anal retentive about money at the best of times. But I did have the money (I have ten times the amount he asked for, in fact), and I didn’t want to be the reason The Pedant and his gf couldn’t go on vacation, so I lent him the five hundred. He paid it back promptly when he said he would. So that’s all good I guess.

When he was here recently, he asked me for a loan again. Less this time, but still a substantial amount: $250. He gave me this whole sob story about how Raver Chick hasn’t been getting enough hours at work lately so he had to pay their entire rent last month, and also he lost his transit pass so he’ll unexpectedly have to pay to get to and from work this week…all of which means that he and Raver Chick can’t afford to go to this upcoming concert they really wanted to see.

So yeah. He wanted money to take his other partner out on the town. And added that the concert in question is by Raver Chick’s favvvvourite band in the whole world. Awww goddammit. I said yes again. But this all makes me so fucking angry. Here’s why:

  • He’s asked me for loans intermittently for years, including when I was living on my own, working highly inconsistent hours as a freelance art model, and struggling to keep my head above water and he had a full time job and was living with his parents. Pretty much every time he needs money it is (in my opinion anyway) because he’s mismanaged his funds.
  • I feel like he’s treating me like a mommy figure and that’s not what I want from someone I’m fucking. Like first off there’s the assumption that my finances are stable and he can just fall back on me when he fucks up his life. Second, it’s the way he asks. I think if he just said “Hey could I borrow X amount of money from you until next week?” it would be sort of okay, but he makes a huge deal of telling me a big long sob story to justify it. I don’t feel like I’m an equal he’s asking for a favour. I feel like I’m an authority figure he’s grovelling to.
  • I hate that bait-and-switch feeling of him telling me he’s had a hard day/week/month and I’m making “awww”-noises and commiserating and then I realize oh shit it’s a trap he’s winding up to ask me for money. Which means that all my sympathetic noises up to this point have sort of painted me into a corner; acknowledging that he’s going through a terrible time but then refusing to lend him money looks worse than if I seemed not to feel like any of his shit was a big deal and I refused to lend him money, y’know?
  • He used to treat me to dinner and/or movies a fair bit. Now he doesn’t. Which makes sense given that he moved out of his parents’ place and is living independently; he has less disposable cash. But he’s still taking Raver Girl places. Even when he doesn’t have the money to. And I dislike this feeling that she’s the “real” partner he wants to impress and I’m…what? Some chick he fucks and borrows money from?
  • As it happens, during this visit he ended up sleeping a ridiculous amount. We fucked and he slept and that’s pretty much it. We’d had plans for him to re-shave my head for me and also I’d wanted him to troubleshoot some issues with my phone and laptop, but none of that happened – so again, I feel like I’m just some chick he fucks but Raver Chick is his “real” partner. That’s mostly an unfortunate coincidence; I know The Pedant loves me and that he would have done those things for me if he wasn’t so backed up on sleep. But still.
  • Raver Chick is a lot more…socially tuned-in than The Pedant. I think she would understand immediately that it’s kinda rude to ask one partner (with whom you never do anything that costs money) for cash to take your other partner out for a lavish night on the town. The fact that she hasn’t PM’d me on Facebook to thank me for making their big fancy vacation happen implies to me that she doesn’t know; that The Pedant is hiding this to make himself look like a big fuckin’ man to her. So she gets the big fuckin’ man who takes her places and I get the boy who needs mommy to bail him out when he’s broke? Fuck off.
  • Do you know why I have the nest egg that I do? Because I exerted impulse control and didn’t go to every event that ever looked like fun or buy every pretty object I wanted to own. I’ve denied myself so many things I wanted so I could feel somewhat financially secure. And The Pedant is asking me to give up a big chunk of that secure feeling because he wants to go indulge in a fun thing and he’s still broke from the last fun thing he indulged in (that he borrowed my money for). Fuck off even harder.

After he left today I texted him:

Expect an e-transfer sometime later today.

Fair warning, though: this is the second time in a row I’m lending you money so you can take someone else out to do something fun.

It’s starting to feel a little icky.

Finding another lender next time and/or taking me to dinner sometime would perhaps get rid of this wallflowery feeling I’m having.

The Pedant replied that he didn’t realize it would be uncomfortable for me and he was sorry. And he said next time he’d either find someone else to lend him money or at least not ask me unless it was for something critical and not just entertainment.

I’m glad he apologized but I’m still feeling angry. Not least of all because The Pedant pretty blatantly ignored my request that he take me to dinner sometime to make me feel special and lavished with attention. I guess all his money (if not mine) is still gonna go strictly toward doing things with Raver Chick. And given that he used to take me places up until he moved in with her, it very much feels like she usurped my position in his heart rather than like the nature of our respective relationships with him is just different.

I’m really pretty sick of him needing loans, regardless of the reason, and hope I have the strength to just say no next time he asks.



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If you’ve been hanging out here for a while, you know that I was mono for entirely too big a portion of my life – I actually didn’t realize, for a long time, that any options existed besides “loving, mono relationship” and “fucking whoever I want but never being loved” so I chose the option with the love and regretfully gave up on sexual variety.

But now I’ve figured out that non-monogamous relationships are a thing and I have two long-term partners who both love and fuck me. And it’s amazing, but it still feels sort of perverse. I still feel like I’m getting away with something or like at some point my partners are gonna go “waaaaait a minute, why are we letting her see us both?!”

Non-monogamy is definitely an orientation, for me, same as being hetero is – but I think it’s also, somehow, one of my kinks. I mean, specifically the part where everyone I’m seeing knows exactly what’s up and is fine with it.

Over the years, my kinky thrill keeps getting pushed further and further, from “OMG I came home from a date with The Pedant and Minx is totally fine with it all” to “OMG I just had sex with The Pedant and The Dandy knows it and he still wants to take me out to dinner” to “OMG The Dandy just made dinner for me and the guy I’ve been making out with all afternoon and we’re all sitting around the table having a perfectly lovely conversation” to “OMG The Pedant is over and I can literally walk back and forth between him and The Dandy, hugging and kissing them while the other watches, and nobody bats an eye” to “OMG The Pedant and The Dandy are both petting me at the same time” to “OMG THE PEDANT AND THE DANDY JUST LET ME GROPE BOTH THEIR CROTCHES SIMULTANEOUSLY.”

On The Pedant’s last visit he spent two nights here and on both nights, he was absolutely passed out from the sex we’d just had but I was restless and couldn’t sleep. I was perversely tempted to go into The Dandy’s room and try my luck sleeping there. Also, the Dandy’s total acceptance of my relationship with The Pedant always fills me with adoration (and the delightfully kinky feeling of getting away with something) and I get all horny for him, so I would happily have done more than just sleep in his room. But I’m pretty sure The Pedant would be hurt by me sleeping elsewhere (and I know he’d feel like sex with The Dandy was some kind of breach of hygiene). And it would be kinda rude for me to do that, given that The Pedant was over visiting me; he should be my focus.

Still, though. I super love the idea of having full sexual access to two men right in my home.

So yesterday I asked The Dandy how he would have felt if I’d banged him while The Pedant was over. Like, banged the Pedant, left him asleep in my bed, and come right to The Dandy’s room for seconds.

He hesitated, wrinkling his nose. “Well…I would at least want some sort of cleanup to take place first.”

“So, if I had a shower…?”

“Yeah, I mean, probably.”

Oh my. *Fans self*


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Twinsies! :P

Seems like every time I see The Pedant, he vents to me about his live-in gf, Raver Chick. He seems to have some ongoing annoyances with her.

Also, as I’ve mentioned before, The Pedant seems to have suddenly stepped up his game with me emotionally – telling me I satisfy him like nobody else(!), dropping I-love-yous all over the place, etc. He even wistfully told me once that he could just as easily have moved in with me if I didn’t have cats (which he’s allergic to).

I haven’t told The Pedant about my little schism with The Dandy where I realized he’s never gonna give me some of the stuff I want. And I won’t tell him, probably, because the two of them are friends and it would be weird. I also have no plans to directly ask The Pedant if he’s disenchanted with Raver Chick but trying to work through it because he has nowhere else to live. But I suspect that the two of us are in fact going through roughly parallel things.

And I guess I also suspect that The Pedant is being all dewy-eyed over me lately because the grass is always greener on the other side, not because he thinks I’m inherently awesome. He had years to figure that out before Raver Chick came along, after all. I’m pretty sure this is a “Cowgirl doesn’t do this irritating thing that Raver Chick does! *Dreamy sigh*” kinda thing.

I mean…I guess that can still be a valid thing. The Pedant hasn’t had a ton of long term relationships so maybe it took moving in with Raver Chick for him to fully appreciate how lucky he’s been to have me all this time. Maybe it’s not that I only look good next to Raver Chick and if he meets some shiny new partner I’ll get back-burnered.

I’m glad The Pedant seems to be prioritizing me more highly than he used to. For a long time, any plans he made with me felt a little iffy, like if Raver Chick (or before her, OtherGirl) suddenly decided she wanted his company, he’d bail on me. He holds our plans firm, now. And he sees me more often than he used to.

But I find I can’t relax and enjoy all his mushy hyperbole – not really. Because I’m not sure I believe it fully. Does he love me, or does he love that I’m not Raver Chick?

He tells me all the time that he loves me, now. I say the words back, but I feel nothing. The Pedant is still the same person I’ve loved for the past five years or more, and if anything our relationship has gotten more fulfilling since my feelings kicked in, so I’m guessing this is my old defense mechanism in action: my heart going numb so that if The Pedant suddenly yoinks all this unexpected love of his away, it won’t hurt so much.

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Well, that’s out of the way.

I realized a while back that The Pedant always asks me to do a huge list of shit in preparation for our get-togethers, and all I’ve asked him to do is show up when he says he will and he hasn’t done that. Well actually one time I was more specific and asked him to pack a bag the night before so he won’t end up late because he can’t find his keys/spare underwear/whatever. He outright told me that packing a knapsack for the next day is a thing he associates with his job, so he’d resent doing it before a day off. Wow. Okay.

And then to top it all off, if I don’t get his giant list of stuff done, he’ll point out what I didn’t do and act confused/bemused, like it’s just so weird that I didn’t do it and he can’t imagine why not. Like, last time around, he wanted me to charge the vibrating cock ring we have so it was ready to be used on him, and I forgot or maybe just didn’t bother (the vibration isn’t nearly enough to stimulate me and I didn’t realize it stimulates him until he told me on this recent visit). And he suggested I use the ring on him and asked if it was charged and I said “Oh, no, sorry” and he was like “You didn’t charge it?!” all incredulous n shit.

This is all making me feel resentful. And now is not the ideal time to mention it, since he actually was more-or-less on time the past two visits, but he kind of drove the conversation in that general direction so fuck it. Here’s our text conversation:

Me: You, my love, are eye candy of the highest order. I don’t think there’s a single part of you I haven’t fetishized to one extent or another.

Pedant: Does that mean you’ll have the ring charged the next time I come over?

Me: That segue was a bit contrived but yes, if I can find the cord (and I’m pretty sure I know where it is) I’ll charge it.

Pedant: Another segue: they’ve changed my days off from the 12th and 13th to the 13th and 14th [this affects some plans we made].

Me: Mini-rant: are you aware that you generally give me eighty things to do to prepare for your visits (and then act sort of bemused when I don’t get every single one done) and the only thing I’ve asked you to do was pack your back the night before so you’ll be on time and you refused to do even that? It frustrates me.

Pedant: Fair point. I will make sure to pack for my visits in advance going forward.

Me: [thumbs-up emoticon] And the reason I don’t always have everything on your giant to-do list completed (aside from severe executive dysfunction) is that sitting there with everything all finished for the time you said you’d be there but then ending up waiting several hours for you to arrive is the worst and saddest feeling in the world.

Still me: Like…the literal saddest.

Also me: So: I try to politely ignore your lateness to whatever extent I’m able, since I suspect it’s also an executive dysfunction thing and yelling about it will only make you feel bad. But I henceforth expect you to politely roll with it when shit’s not done instead of going “you didn’t clean/charge/organize/pack the thing?!” with your eyebrow raised.

Pedant: fair enough.

Me: Excellent. Good talk. Ok so what am I changing on my calendar? are you coming on the 13th? The evening of the 12th?

Pedant: I can come on the evening of the 12th and stay until the evening of the 13th.

Me: Lovely. Cord found; ring charging.

Pedant: I’m looking forward to your using it to keep me hard while you concern yourself with your own pleasure.



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The Pedant often suggests things for us to do together in bed. Like even in the heat of the moment he’ll suggest things. And it irks me, although it probably shouldn’t.

I’m the dominant; I’m in charge. His suggestions don’t change any of this; I can and have replied to a suggestion of his with “No, we’re gonna do this other thing” and he’s never complained. And anyway I want him to tell me what he likes. Beyond the whole thing where we both should feel fulfilled in our relationship, there’s the fact that I’m a reaction junkie and my goal when we play is generally to get him to be as loud and abandoned as I possibly can. I need his feedback for this.

The problem – the petty, petty problem – is that his suggestions are often what I was going to do anyway, or else I had no specific plan and his idea seemed as good as any. And it irks me that to an outside observer it would look as though I was doing what The Pedant told me to.

It’s like when I was a kid and I got in an argument with some girl on the playground, and when I finally got fed up and stormed off she made a point of yelling “YEAH! YOU’D BETTER RUN!” loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear. It made me wonder if anyone watching genuinely believed I was leaving because she’d told me to. It made me wonder if she believed I was leaving because she’d told me to.

Anyway, on this most recent visit we were getting all hot and heavy and The Pedant said “I’d like to get you off first so I can really focus on you. If you’d like to get your toy, I’ll suck on it; I know how you love to watch that.”

So I did and he did. And I am absolutely dazzled by how far our relationship has come, because years ago I broached the topic of him sucking my dildo and he absolutely recoiled. It’s not even a realistic dildo*; it’s purple and smooth, just a piece of silicone formed into a cylinder with a slight knob on one end and a flare on the other. It would be as random and benign as him having a drinking straw or a stick of celery in his mouth. But he acted as though he would catch Teh Ghey, so I backed down.

And then one day he offered to use his mouth to wet the dildo before inserting it (and I’m a bit grossed out by the idea of saliva being all up in my business but I said yes because I wanted to see him do it). And now on his most recent visit he offered to put on a show for me and I held the base of the dildo on my pubic bone as if it were my own dick and he pumped it in and out of his mouth a few times and then lovingly wrapped his lips around the head while making full eye contact with me before sliding down the shaft again OMG.

And it would turn me on even more to ask him “do you like sucking my cock?” or to tell him he’s my good little cocksucking slut but I’m afraid this will scare him off. I gotta hold still, metaphorically speaking, and let him come to me, like a squirrel I’m trying to feed from my hand. If I move too quickly, he’ll bolt. And he’s never referred to my dildo as anything but a “toy” – never a dick or a cock or even a dildo – so I think that speaks to where his head is at right now.

I wonder if he wants to feel like my shameless little slut, ultimately? Is that the end game, here, and it’s just taking him a while to get past all his toxic masculinity stuff and embrace it? Or is the faux-llatio simply coming from a place of wanting to please me and he wouldn’t kink on being told what an insatiable cocksucker he is for me, particularly? I assume the nature of his dirty talk will keep me clued in. When we first started fucking, he would request to be tied up but that was the extent of anything. Once he got more comfortable with me he started dirty-talking and “I love being your slave like this” kept coming up. Lately he’s been hitting the idea that I can “seduce him” into acts he’d never imagined before pretty hard. Perhaps the next step will be to name the outrageous acts; to marvel at the extremities I’ve taken him to. We’ll see.


*Even if it did look like a dick, it’s not one. It’s odourless, flavourless silicone. So who even cares? Would The Pedant refuse to eat a cake decorated to look like a house because he’s grossed out by the idea of having drywall and bricks in his mouth?

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I think I forgot to mention this before, but the last time The Pedant was over, we were hanging out in the living room and The Dandy passed through on his way to the kitchen; as he was heading back out with snacks, I was like “Wait, wait, Dandy, c’mere…Pedant, Dandy, let me indulge a fantasy by groping both your junk at once.”

They rolled their eyes but they actually let me do it. I mean, no clothing was undone or moved, and I didn’t aim to grope them to the point of arousal or anything; The Dandy came within my arm’s reach and I cupped the crotch of his pants in one hand and the crotch of The Pedant’s pants in the other hand and held on for a couple of seconds and then giggled and thanked them. That’s it. But with how jumpy some men (esp. The Pedant) are about doing anything kinda sexual-ish near another dude, I did not expect them to let me.

Like, here’s the thing: I grew up thinking monogamy was the only relationship option available to me. I grew up on sitcoms where people flew into rages and broke off relationships over their partner kissing someone else or even just flirting with someone else, and it was portrayed as normal and justifiable. And even when I discovered nonmonogamy, I was solo-poly for the first bunch of years, and a big part of how I deal with being nonmonogamous is not thinking too much about my partners’ other partners. I’m not going “la la la, it’s not really happening” but I’m not in any huge rush to meet my metamours and watch my partners make out with them, either.

So it still blows my mind that I can live with my boyfriend and invite my other boy over and everyone gets along absolutely fine. I even make a point of going back and forth between The Pedant and The Dandy and smooching/hugging each of them in turn right in front of the other and nobody even blinks.

Oh, and another thing that happened, both during the last Pedant visit and this most recent one, was that the boys ended up co-petting me again. I didn’t even ask – they just got all embroiled in conversation again and I ended up between them on the couch and they started absent-mindedly stroking/massaging me while they talked.

It’s all so easy and nice. I feel like a housecat, wandering freely through the people in the apartment and soliciting attention that they give without reservation.

Also in this most recent Pedant visit: The Dandy came into the living room in just his bathrobe right as The Pedant got up from the couch to go to the kitchen. “Flash me!” I said to The Dandy. The Pedant said “I don’t need to see this” and quickened his pace and once he was behind The Dandy – not even fully in the next room – The Dandy did indeed open his robe for me. As I said, The Pedant was behind him and couldn’t see anything, but the fact remains that The Dandy’s cock was out in The Pedant’s presence. Things like this titillate me. Maybe I’m weird.

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