Tag Archives: The Pedant


Last time I saw The Pedant he told me that he could just as easily have moved in with me instead of Raver Chick, if it weren’t for my cats (whom he’s allergic to).

Last night he started texting me and was being over-the-top adoring and mushy, telling me – among other things – “you satisfy me in ways no one else has even come close to doing for me.”

Which is amazing, but also kind of disrespectful to Raver Chick, the girlfriend he lives with. And between The Pedant musing that he could be happy living with me, and this big spike of adoration he’s shown for me recently, it just kinda seems like things with Raver Chick might not be going well and I’m looking better than before by contrast rather than him legitimately thinking I’m awesome.

Or, thinking of it another way, perhaps he just took this long to fully realize how awesome I’ve always been. 😛

Anyway, he actually typed “I love you” to me last night. Plus reams and reams of hyperbolic romantic stuff. And I do love it. But I’m also cautious. It almost seems like he’s trying to groom me to be his next roommate if/when he and Raver Chick split up, so that he doesn’t have to move back in with his parents. Maybe I’m being paranoid. Time will tell.

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The suite – when The Pedant and I finally got down there – was disappointing in that it hadn’t been cleaned. The Pedant’s biggest reason for wanting a suite is his allergy to my cats; my biggest reason is how private and anonymous and clean the space is. The Pedant was like “wait, you didn’t go inspect it when you got the keys?” I hadn’t. It honestly didn’t occur to me to do so; we’ve rented suites there three times before with no issues. And by this time the office was closed so we couldn’t go complain. I took pictures of the rumpled sheets and the disgusting brownish yellow high-tide line in the toilet bowl in case I needed to prove there was an issue, and then popped back upstairs to get clean sheets and towels from our place.

We ordered in Swiss Chalet and while we ate he talked about his big plans to buy a depilator and remove all his body hair. The Pedant is hairy. Like full-body-sweater hairy. And he doesn’t like it; the hair traps sweat and makes him too hot all the time and muffles sensation when you touch him. Years ago he talked about wanting to get it all lasered off, but that costs more money than he’s ever likely to have at one time. He considered waxing but his sister the esthetician says this can lead to broken capillaries. So now his idea is to buy a device that will yank out the hairs. He’s really sensitive to touch/has a low pain tolerance so I’m frankly surprised he’d go that route, but he seems really determined.

Apparently, he’s pursuing his hair-removal dreams with new vigor lately because his live-in girlfriend, Raver Chick, is a very naturally hairy woman with hippie/dykey sensibilities and when he asked if she could maybe up her shaving game a little bit, she said “I’ll go hairless if you do” – trying to call his bluff, you see. And he was like “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED” because a) he doesn’t like his body hair anyway and b) he’s a spiteful prick. 😀

The Pedant told me, over Swiss Chalet chicken, that Raver Chick is a “hair removal is a stupid arbitrary beauty standard devised by the patriarchy!” type of person – when The Pedant has talked about wanting his body hair removed, she hasn’t really been paying attention to his practical reasons for it and just keeps saying that he shouldn’t conform to unreasonable beauty standards or whatever. “And that,” The Pedant said, “Is why I want you to be the first one to see me hairless.”

We’d talked about this before: he’s so sensitive to touch that I’m just dying to know how erogenous his body would be if I weren’t touching most of it through a blanket of hair. When this whole depilator idea came up, I asked if I could be the first to see him de-furred; the first one to touch his actual naked body and not just his pelt. He said yes right from the beginning, and I thought it was because he loves the way I touch him and wanted to experience it at a different level. It was kind of depressing to hear that he treats it like a prize he could have awarded to me or Raver Chick and he kind of arbitrarily picked me.

Oddly, during that same conversation and kind of out of nowhere, The Pedant also said “It’s too bad your other life partners are all so furry.” I was trying to figure out how he knows The Dandy is fairly hairy (also, “all” my life partners?) when The Pedant clarified that he was talking about my cats and added “I could easily live with you if it weren’t for my cat allergies.” That…is really nice to hear. I don’t think I’d want to live with The Pedant (I love him but he drives me crazy in some ways, and also he usually has more than one woman in play at any given point in his life and I’m not up for hearing him fuck other people) but at the same time I felt hurt that he never broached the subject with me. Any time he met someone he really liked, he’d start talking about how she was soooo great and she really “got” him and he could see a future and he’d probably move in with her, and he never told me any of that. So even though I didn’t want to live with him, a petty part of me was sad that he didn’t want to move in with me, either. It felt like being snubbed, like he didn’t think I “got” him and didn’t “see a future” with me.

TBH I secretly suspected that his eagerness to move in with women was more about wanting to escape his parents than about how totes in wuuuv he was with anyone. And I’m probably right. Cohabitation, too, was an arbitrary prize, and I only disqualified myself by having cats.

Anyway. Not only will The Pedant let me be the first to touch his body when it’s nakeder than it’s ever been (well, since childhood, anyway), he’s invited me to help with the actual de-furring process. My OCD revolves around picking/plucking so THIS IS RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS. I assumed he was asking me for help out of practicality and because he knows I like doing hair removal type stuff. He’s not at all a masochist – he once practically ran across the room to get away from me after I lightly smacked his ass and he thought I might do it again – so I didn’t guess that figured into anything. I mean surely he wouldn’t want to think of me getting a kinky kick out of ripping out his body hair. Still, as we ate our chicken that night I asked him – half jokingly – how he’d feel about me tying him up to depilate him. He said “I was already assuming that’s how we’d be doing this.” …Oh. 😀

We finished our food and he wanted to shower before we got down to sexytimes. Then he invited me to shower (a delicate hint that I smelled a bit ripe, perhaps? Unclear). He ended up touching up the shaved parts of my head first (grooming seems to be his own personal OCD) as I sat in the bathtub to contain the hair-clipping mess. I got cold during this process so I took a bath after – during which, surprisingly, The Pedant hung out with me unbidden and sat on the edge of the bathtub scooping up handfuls of bubbles and rubbing them along my arms and legs and back.

And then, finally, we were in the bedroom clean and naked, sheets on the bed and restraint straps in place under the mattress (oh, yeah…I’ve been pretty consistently delegating stuff like that to him for the last few visits, since he was usually volunteering to do it anyway. So far he’s always cheerfully jumped to the tasks I request. I think he’s more-or-less my submissive, just not yet willing to formally call himself that), and I basically tackled him. I straddled him and made out with him for basically ever and then he asked “would you like me to get you off before it’s too late?” (I think he meant either “before it gets so late that you’re really tired” or “before you get me off and render me too useless to function.”). I agreed that this would be a good idea.

Honestly, my desire at that time was to tie him up, blindfold him, and use his body to get off. Like, ride him until the feel of his cock got me turned on, lie next to him and use my Hitachi to get myself close-ish, then put the Hitachi on him and hump it to completion (with his cock inside me or not; whatever worked.) But I have a hard time letting go, with him. In the past, when I’d try to incorporate the Hitachi into cowgirl sex, he’d go soft; apparently he needs a long thrusting motion to stay hard and my rapid wiggle wasn’t doing it for him. Except it’s not like he needs constant stimulation of his dick to stay hard at other times; usually he’s standing at attention the moment we start making out, before I’ve touched anything below his belly button. So it’s hard not to feel like my pleasure just doesn’t turn him on – that he thinks the way I grind up on him is stupid or I’m crushing the breath out of him or, I dunno, something.

Also…he’s gotten a lot better lately at letting my sexuality be what it is, but for a long time The Pedant acted like I was weird for needing specific kinds of stimulation in order to get off. For as long as I’ve known him, I have gotten off only via Hitachi Magic Wand (which has the power of a jackhammer and I’m pressing it against me hard and wigging it back and forth really fast), and I think he’s only seen me get off lying on my back with my legs straight out, to boot. But he’s asked me “did you come?” during PIV sex where I was on top of him and there was no vibrator or even clit-touching involved whatsoever. He’s asked me if I came when I had him bent over the edge of the bed and was standing behind him pegging him. He’s asked me if I could come from using the vibrating cock ring he bought us, which is a tiny, buzzy, ineffectual thing. He’s asked if I would come from his enthusiastic but highly inconsistent clit-licking. I dunno, man. Am I on my back with my legs out, receiving extremely consistent and intense clit-jackhammering during any of these things? No? Then NO I WILL NOT BE ORGASMING.

And on top of it all, my sexual responses aren’t functioning as well as they used to. The Dandy stays hard through anything I’m doing and once had a huge orgasm just from me wriggling around on top of him with the Hitachi on his stomach next to his cock, which wasn’t even inside me at the time, and even with him I can’t get there, lately.

So I figured there was no point in trying to use The Pedant in that way until I’ve seen a doctor and gotten some kind of treatment for my peri-menopausal(?) crotch dysfunction.

I had The Pedant do the routine that works best for me: some oral sex to get me worked up, followed by good ol’ dildo fucking/Hitachi combo. Lately he’s been thrusting the dildo a lot harder and faster than I would have ever requested; I don’t usually like being jackhammered. But it works. The hard thrusts hit my g-spot in a good way (I bet that’s been declining in sensitivity along with my clit and nipples, so it’s okay to be rougher with it now to a degree that would have hurt before) and it’s so pleasurable and so jolting that my mind can’t wander off to other things. Try as I might to start thinking about what groceries I need to get later, the thump of the toy ramming into place always brings me back. And the Hitachi combines with the g-spot stuff to put me over the freaking moon.

My orgasm was epic in length and intensity, and afterward (something about g-spot stuff during an orgasm seems to trigger All the Feels, for me) a huge wave of emotion washed over me and I shuddered and began to cry. The Pedant held me and petted me and whispered “I’ve got you,” which was he perfect thing to do and which I didn’t really expect from him. He mostly seems to regard my crygasms as foreign and kind of interestingly weird. Hugging me like that, and making me feel all safe and warm, seems entirely outside of his instincts. Maybe Raver Chick taught him to do that.

But then.



Then The Pedant really conspicuously and deliberately positioned his lips by my ear (actually grasped my chin and tilted my head to facilitate this, as I recall) which historically has always meant that he’s about to growl in my ear or give me a dose of dirty talk or otherwise make a sort of contrived, self-conscious attempt at turning me on, and I was sort of inwardly rolling my eyes wondering why he needs to be so showy about this shit.

But instead of sexy talk he whispered “I love you.”

And I was blown away.

I mean…I know he loves me. I suspected it by his actions for ages, and then when I said the words first he said “the feelings are being reciprocated” and eventually, a year or two ago when we were breaking up for the second or third time, he said the actual words (I suspect to soften the blow of the breakup, and/or because he really seems to have a hard time saying it and it probably took a lot of pressure off, saying it as a goodbye and knowing I wouldn’t be hanging around expecting the words to be a regular thing). And frequently during our makeouts – including that night – he does that obvious dodge of saying “I love the way you kiss me” or “I love spending time with you” or “I love when you tell me what to do.”

But I have suspected for a while now that although he professes to be poly, The Pedant perhaps has a subconscious feeling that he’s only supposed to love one person at a time – to have one person who’s a big, big deal and any other partners are swell but not quite on the same level. When we first got together after he started seeing Raver Chick, he referred to him and I as being “friends with benefits,” despite acting exactly the same with me as he did back when he called me his primary partner and indicated that he loved me. And I just figured “Meh, whatever, he’s being an idiot but he still treats me nice so I’ll roll with it.”

And now, suddenly, he’s said the words unprompted and without there being some big tragedy to inspire a grand gesture. He is living with Raver Chick, and he loves Raver Chick. But also he’s seeing me and he loves me. And he admits it.

There’s more.

After I recovered from coming my brains out, I secured The Pedant to the bed, blindfolded him, slid a dildo into his ass, and started teasing his cock and nipples with my hands. Maybe the blindfold made him more unguarded because he couldn’t see if I was looking at him, I don’t know. But as I stroked his cock I murmured that hopefully one day I’ll be able to just throw the Hitachi on his belly and grind up on him – basically use his whole body as a sex toy to get me off – but for now, self-consciousness gets in the way. And in a tiny voice that I don’t think I’ve heard before and that is entirely unlike his usual loud baritone, The Pedant said “Why are you self-conscious? I’m yours.”

We were mid-handjob so I opted not to actually get into the reasons for my self-consciousness with him. I figured he was just making sex talk, and I wanted at that moment to continue enjoying his squirms and whimpers and not have some big serious discussion. Especially since a) he hasn’t done those shitty things in a long time and b) I genuinely don’t think he’d even understand why his actions affected me the way they did. He doesn’t understand even basic human behaviour and emotions sometimes. Even when it seems perfectly logical to me.

So I kept on going with the handjob and whatnot…but The Pedant kept on riffing, in that same tiny, vulnerable voice. I can’t remember what he said verbatim, but I can paraphrase:

“Remember last time we saw each other? You bent me over the couch and penetrated me. You didn’t ask first. You just did it. It was so hot that you did that. Such a turn on that you just used my body the way you wanted, without a second thought. I still remember how hard I came, knowing you had bent me to your will. I want to be your sex toy – I want to be the one who does anything you want. I love you and I want to be that for you. You’ve seduced me so much further than I’d ever believed possible…you’ve made me do things I’d never even dreamed…you make me do what you want…you make me want what you want…! …You own me completely.”

So clearly I need to blindfold him more often.

No but seriously, The Pedant’s outpouring of devotion just…gobsmacked me. And I think he meant what he said. I know he loves me. He definitely has done sexual things with me that were once beyond his boundaries, and he’s definitely more focused on my pleasure and on doing things my way in bed than he used to be (and good lord, the sex is better!). When he says he wants to do anything I want I know he actually means within his stated boundaries (that very evening, early on in the makeouts, I’d asked if I could slap his face and…actually, he didn’t say no. But he looked uncomfortable and maybe gave me the barest hint of a head-shake, and historically he has not been a masochist at all, so I went back to kissing him. But hey, does the lack of an outright no mean he might have been willing to push his boundaries and indulge me? Maybe he is willing to do “anything” for me that I’d be likely to ask for. I’m still not gonna slap him unless he indicates he wants me to, though).

And oh, I’ve wanted someone to say those things to me forever. To offer themselves up entirely for my pleasure and do what I want. My ex-sub, Mine, did that, but unfortunately we broke up before I really had a chance to stretch my wings. I’m so used to constantly monitoring in bed whether my partner is having a good time and checking in with them and focusing on them that the idea of them being there entirely as a vehicle for my good time is a huge adjustment. It’ll take a lot of time and trust before I can really grab the reins with someone and do what I want with them without second-guessing myself, but I want to. Badly. And I never expected that The Pedant would be the next person to offer himself up to me that way, sincerely and in good faith.

I look back on where we started, when he was all wrapped up in toxic masculinity and completely terrible in bed and couldn’t engage in dirty talk or mushy words to save his life, and I marvel at how far we’ve come.

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Pedant and Dandy: together at last

The Pedant came for a visit. We spent the first night at my place and the second in a rented guest suite because reasons.

He arrived late, of course. And it still makes me feel stabby. But it doesn’t seem like something he’s capable of changing so I’m trying to get over it.

The Dandy got home from a social engagement literally five minutes after The Pedant arrived. As I have mentioned previously, they were friends (or acquaintances, at least) before I ever met either of them. We ended up standing in the hall talking for a while – or maybe they talked and I stood around near them.

The Dandy and The Pedant have a weird relationship; I don’t think they’ve ever hung out together on purpose, only bumped into each other at clubs etc. In fact, The Dandy has indicated that he finds The Pedant a bit assholish and tedious. And yet when they are together they immediately get into super intense and animated conversation about politics and stuff – not arguments, the intensity seems to come from them agreeing with each other on most things and getting into a big validation circlejerk. I might be wrong about that though because their chosen topics are sooooo fucking boring to me that I tune out.

As they talked, I would idly go snuggle and kiss first one man, then the other, and they affectionately squeezed and kissed me back as they continued talking. Neither of them was weirded out by me being so clearly enamored with and involved with both of them. I’m still not used to this amount of openness at all, having gone straight from monogamy to solo-poly, so I felt like I was big-time getting away with something and it was thrilling as fuck. 😀

On a side note, when Dandette was living here and we were both The Dandy’s girlfriends, he would walk around the apartment naked because why the hell not. I mean we’d both fucked him and he’s kind of a nudist anyway so there really was no need for modesty. It was always hella weird for me, though. I’ve only ever been solo-poly so I guess all my mono socialization kicked in and made me feel like him being naked in front of two people was weird or wrong.

That quasi-triad we had stretched me out of my comfort zone in a million different ways and TBH I’m still a bit bitter about it and I sometimes have petty revenge fantasies about making The Dandy endure some of the same discomforts he put me through. So eventually as we all stood in the hallway I took off my shirt and bra. Although it turns out The Dandy wasn’t weirded out by seeing me naked while his acquaintance was also present and seeing me naked so meh.

The Pedant and I did have sexy funtimes that night, though, in my bed with The Dandy right in the next room, so The Dandy likely heard me loudly getting off from someone not-him. Which is satisfying.

As for the sexytimes themselves, The Pedant and I had fun (obviously) but we were slightly self-conscious of The Dandy being so close by. I didn’t want to be giving a lot of commands etc with someone within earshot plus my room is not yet really well equipped for bondage etc so basically there was just kissing and touching and him getting me off and eventually I rode him for a bit but it seemed like that wasn’t getting him anywhere (he said something about having done…something earlier to ensure that I could play with him for longer. I assume jerking off before he left the house or something. But he consistently does dirty talk/sexy talk in a whisper and half the time I can’t hear him…). Eventually I switched to a hand job and that made him come. Fascinatingly, there was a ton more semen than usual and it seemed to arrive all at once, like his cock threw a cup of warm water on me: GOOSH!

And then he fell asleep in the dead centre of the bed as usual. I even braced against the wall and tried to shove him over to make room for me and he didn’t budge – although to his credit when I poked him and told him to shove over, he did.

The next morning I woke up hungry as fuck, and everyone else was asleep and the apartment was warm, so I didn’t bother with a robe or anything. I thought I would eat a bowl of cereal and then maybe go back to bed, but The Pedant came out, instead, and saw me eating cereal on the couch naked and was bemused (“so you’re…just not gonna bother with clothes, then? Okay.”). He went off and had a morning poop and then The Dandy woke up and was puttering around making coffee and stuff and long story short I never did end up putting clothes on, mostly because I didn’t want to admit that I did feel slightly exposed and uncomfortable. But also maybe a teeny-tiny bit because I was daydreaming about a threesome. 😀

My two guys got suuuuper engrossed in conversation over the breakfast table, again about shit I don’t care about. I was on the couch just eating and zoning out, bored shitless. So after I finished my food, when I was able to get a word in edgewise (it took several tries 😛 ) I said to them, “Hey – it seems like a waste that I have access to two pairs of hands and none of them are on me. You should come over here and pet me while you continue your conversation.”

Hilariously*, The Dandy immediately stood up and took a step toward me – and then glanced over at the still-seated Pedant and hesitated.

The Pedant laughed and said something like “Well this is a novel approach. Normally a person would just say ‘stop talking now, I’m bored.'”

“I don’t care about the talking. I care that I’m not getting petted,” I said. The Pedant remained seated, just kinda staring at me. The Dandy was frozen in place standing two steps from the table, looking back and forth between the two of us. “Dude, I’m six feet tall,” I said, mostly to The Pedant.  “One of you can be at my head and the other at my feet and you’d still be halfway across the room from each other.” I almost added “your balls aren’t gonna touch, ffs” but bit the words off, thinking I might come across a wee bit too strident.

I think it was The Dandy who started making his way to me first, at that point, and The Pedant got up a moment later.

They continued yakking away on the couch while I stretched naked between them, drifting in and out of sleep, getting my calves and feet massaged by The Pedant and my head lightly scritched by The Dandy. After a while I changed position so I was pointing the other way, and The Pedant worked the knots out of my upper back muscles while The Dandy petted my feet. At times, one or the other of them would do something that made me thrash and howl with pleasure. Neither of them acknowledged this at all, and I’m sure that’s less because they were so focused on their conversation and more because acknowledging my sounds would make the whole interaction seem kind of sexual and neither of them wanted it to go there. For my part, it felt a little weird to be ignored like that. But if they’d focused on me I would have felt really in the spotlight and under pressure to entertain them (which is kind of why I didn’t go the “hey shut up you’re boring me” route in the first place: I would have felt pressure to come up with a conversation that I could take part in, too, and that would also entertain both of them, and I was not up to it. Or I could yoink The Pedant away for more sex, but I do like that the two of them are friends and don’t wanna wedge myself between them (except if a threesome were on offer. 😀 ). Also I wanted to save the Pedant sex for when our suite was ready and we’d have proper privacy.)

Being co-petted while half-listening to a conversation I wasn’t particularly expected to participate in (but could jump into if I felt like it) was restful as all hell. It lasted a while; then it was time to get the keys to the suite, and when I got back they were still talking so I slotted myself back in there and dozed off some more. All told, the pettings lasted for about an hour and a half. *Bliss.*

I’m gonna split this saga up into another post. TTYS.



*Hilarious for two reasons: 1) The Dandy identifies as dominant, and says he does so because people just somehow tend to do what he tells them and that he hates being told what to do and is just too goshdarned headstrong and independent to ever obey an order from someone (presumably he means from social equals, not his boss or a cop or whatever). But here I am, telling his extremely heterosexual self to come team up on me with another guy, and he just stands up automatically like I’d pushed a button. The only reason he stopped is apparent fear of what the other man in the room would think of him. I actually tell The Dandy to do stuff a lot and he does it without even noticing I didn’t phrase it as a question. 2) Before this visit I’d been letting my fantasies run wild-ish and was debating channeling them into a wee piece of erotica and posting it here. The erotica was going to be about The Pedant and The Dandy acting mildly homoerotic for my viewing pleasure: specifically, I would ask them to pretend to be about to kiss so I could ogle them and then fap to the scene later. In my mind’s eye, The Dandy willingly began to perform for me but then got awkward and drew up short because The Pedant was a lot more reticent. So yeah. I totally called it. 😀

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Had one of my rent-a-suite-in-my-building-and-fuck-The-Pedant visits recently. It was good. 😀

I mean yeah he was six hours later than he said he’d be but after that it was good.

Allegedly, the issue this time is that work suddenly needed him to be on a conference call that afternoon and it ran long. While The Pedant was waiting for it to start, he decided to surprise me by trimming his pubes. I’ve grown to like his ridiculous amounts of body hair but despite me telling him this plenty, he still thinks I prefer hairless twinks like I did when we first hooked up. So he trimmed his pubes – the first time he’s ever touched any of the hair below his neck. I’m pleased that he would do this for me (even though I was no longer interested in it) and actually it looked pretty neat. I like variety, and this did make his crotch look very different, so yay.

More importantly, he could feel my touch more clearly. I lightly scritched all around the base of his cock and it made him moan like crazy. Nice. 😀

The Pedant is always obsessing on the idea of me leashing him, and I finally got around to it that first night. I didn’t end up leading him around, especially; I put his collar on, clipped his leash on, used it to pull him close for more kisses, then sat on the couch (with a towel on it because I was naked), slung the leash under one thigh, and yanked the end of it so his face more-or-less got pulled to my crotch. I love his enthusiasm when he goes down on me but it tends to involve a lot of saliva so note to self: don’t ever again try to kiss him soon afterward. His beard was sopping wet like a sponge. Pleh.

What fascinates me about The Pedant is that he’s such a huge germaphobe but when it comes to sexual fluids he’s not fazed at all. He’ll happily get his face covered in my juices, and last time I saw him I fed him some of his own pre-cum and he allowed that, too (he wasn’t as enthusiastic about it as if I’d dipped my finger into my own wetness, but he did let me. And, oddly, when I wet my finger on the tip of his cock and then circle the fingertip on one of his nipples it makes him insannnnnne).

Eventually I bent him over the couch so I could finger-fuck his ass. Before I hauled out the glove and lube, though, I fetched our gag with the silicone ball that goes in his mouth. I stood next to him and put one foot ostentatiously up on the back of the couch so he’d be drawn to look over and see me running the silicone part of the gag through my labia to coat it with all the wetness his oral sexing had elicited. Then I shoved the gag in his mouth and fastened the strap (he’d mentioned before that this would be hot).

I didn’t mean to use him up so soon but it was so much fun burying my finger in his ass and reaching through his legs to touch that silky, pretty cock of his that I ended up making him come (on my towel that was still there). Didn’t seem like too intense of a climax, although maybe it’s just that his sounds were muffled by the gag. I’d make up for it the next day.

More later.


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Three brief sex stories

The other night, when The Dandy’s mom was over so she had our room and we were in Dandette’s room and Dandette was on the couch – the night The Dandy and I had all that great talking – at one point he suddenly and decisively yanked down his boxer briefs, grabbed my hand, and put it on his dick. “Do you have some tension that needs releasing?” I murmured, just on the off chance that he was offering himself up for groping but not specifically wanting to come. He whispered back “always” so I gave him a hand job. Afterward, I asked him “Why do you think hand jobs work for you now when they didn’t used to?”

“Different operator,” The Dandy said dryly, meaning that I’m just better at it than Dandette is. Which is sweet and flattering and I think he really did believe it when he said it, but…

“But you also said that blow jobs have started working for you, and that’s Dandette doing those,” I pointed out.

The Dandy said “Oh. Yeah. I dunno” and brought up some theories that I wish to hell I could remember now but I can’t. I think we came to the conclusion, ultimately, that he’s just able to focus really hard on coming and get there even though she’s not great at listening to instructions and reading signals. He’s told me before that she tends to be too rough with his cock and to overstimulate him, and that with me he feels listened to and seen more than with anyone else before. I pay attention. I read him. I get innovative based on things I’ve noticed he likes.

Second story: the day I checked out of the suite where The Pedant and I had our two-night romp, I was scheduled to work. But when I got there it turned out they’d double-booked me. I was tired anyway and said I’d give the shift to the other person and just go home. I knew Dandette had a model shift and wouldn’t be home for hours, and I was still feeling like a giant horndog despite all the Pedant sex, so basically I came home and accosted The Dandy right away: “LET’S FUCK WHILE WE HAVE A CHANCE.”

And we did – for a short while. Then he got overstimulated or lost his erection or maybe I just wanted to take a break and have an orgasm of my own before focusing back on his, so I lay on my back beside him and whipped out The Hitachi. The Dandy took off the condom and started stroking his now-limp cock back to being hard, which was super fun to watch. “I want to feel you come inside me” I said, staring and Hitachi-ing and staring some more. I was having a hard time coming for whatever reason and then suddenly The Dandy squirmed and bucked and came, himself. Which was also fun to watch and totally triggered my own orgasm but dude didn’t I just say I wanted you to come inside me? That wasn’t just idle talk, that was me planning what I wanted to do next.

Anyway. I’ll admit that one other reason I wanted sex with The Dandy is reassurance. I think he sees me as a way better partner to him than Dandette, but with me harping on him to break up with her all the time, maybe not; maybe I make him feel pressured. And I’d just spent a day and two nights away from him and was worried that instead of missing me, he’d be kind of relieved I was gone. I also worried that Dandette would make a move on him and he’d be too chickenshit to tell her no. At this point in time if the two of them fucked I’d be incredibly angry and jealous.

I never did specifically ask if the two of them did anything sexual; it’s my long-standing policy not to ask a question unless I’m gonna be okay with whatever answer I’m given. But after our sexual interlud I did ask, in a sort of facetious voice, if The Dandy had missed me. He said yes, but also he’d taken a lot of advantage of all the alone-time and that had been nice. “Alone time?” I asked. He said yeah, Dandette was mostly out of the house buying stuff for Xmas dinner the day I was gone, so he had the apartment to himself for a long stretch. He implied that he’d done a lot of jerking off, and – get this – told me he’d actually jerked off an hour before I got home (after Dandette left for her model shift).

So that’s why he was having trouble having sex with me and could only come from pretty vigorous self-stimulation; he was just about running on empty. God, I love his low refractory period. It’s one of the main reasons I ever felt okay sharing him with Dandette in the first place; I knew she wouldn’t make a significant dent in how much sex I’d have with him.

Third story: tonight The Dandy and I had sex even though Dandette is home. I feel uncomfortable doing that (and The Dandy claims that he does, too, but TBH I don’t think he’s nearly as weird about it as I am; he’s silent like a ninja when he fucks/jerks off/comes. I’m the one with the jet-engine vibrator that’s the only way I can get off. I’m the one she actually hears) but I also resent having to structure this huge part of my relationship around someone who’s not in it. I also pointed out to The Dandy that maybe if Dandette hears us having all the sex, it’ll force a conversation. He’s allegedly wary of starting a breakup talk with her in case he chooses his moment wrong and triggers a meltdown; well, if he keeps on strategically avoiding sex with Dandette and it becomes very obvious that he is having sex with me, I’m betting eventually she’ll confront him over that, which means she’s as ready to have that talk as she’ll ever be.

I don’t know if that’s why The Dandy initiated sex with me or if he was just so in the mood that he couldn’t wait. All I know is that I had him give me a foot-and-leg massage with some of my new moisturizer and when he stopped, I asked if he could possibly rub my feet just a little more, and he said his hands were tired so he’d have to figure out another method – and then stripped naked, waggled his penis at me, and got on the bed next to me. I don’t even…was he joking that he’d rub my feet with his dick? Did rubbing my feet turn him on? Was he just randomly horny and making an awkward segue? I don’t even know.

I’m a little annoyed at how often The Dandy initiates sex via what I can do for him rather than vice-versa. Like…he’s already in the mood. He doesn’t know if I am. So how about trying to get me in the mood by kissing and touching me instead of always just showing me his dick like “it’s go time!”? I do legit have a fetish/kink for his cock, so maybe he thinks letting me look at and touch it is gonna be enough to rev me up. But that’s not usually how it works for me. Or at least it’s not how I want things to go every single damn time.

This is the great thing about being poly; it helps me realize when something’s missing in a relationship because I have a basis for comparison. If The Dandy was my only partner, I’d get used to the somewhat utilitarian sex that started off with him essentially announcing he was horny, followed by me doing stuff to his penis until he got hard if he wasn’t already, then putting on a condom and applying a bunch of lube and putting him inside me, then him helping me get off after he was done. But I fucked The Pedant recently and it was just so much more gloriously organic, with kissing and touching until sex became a thing my body needed, not an idea my brain had. By the time I put The Pedant inside me I was so aroused that I’d left a wet spot on his thigh that I’d been straddling. Now, a lot of that arousal came from The Pedant being so responsive and making such hot sounds when I touched him, and The Dandy isn’t a moaner, so that can’t be replicated. But the increased kissing and touching can.

One thing I do like is that when The Dandy helps me get off (typically, he thrusts my dildo inside me while I use the Hitachi on my clit) he doesn’t stop after one orgasm. He seems content to keep going for as long as I want. So this reassures me a lot that he does actually like getting me off, even if he’s been a  pretty huge slacker in the foreplay department.


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Pedant time

The Pedant and I once again rented a guest suite in my building, this time for two days. And he says he’d like to do it again in January, and hopefully every month or two going forward, which would be lovely. Although I’d like to see him in between epic sexings, too. It feels a bit too much like we’re just fucking rather than in a relationship; he doesn’t contact me much between sex-visits. Or maybe that’s me not initiating and he’s following my lead. I do love him and I believe he loves me (although, infuriatingly, he hasn’t said it to me since the last time he broke up with me).

I’ve been pretty pent up about the drama with The Dandy and Dandette – the fall-out of Drunken Horror Night and me pushing him to give her the boot and everything – so pretty much as soon as The Pedant arrived at our suite I vented to him for a bit. God, I adore him. He gets me. He sides with me unequivocally when I have issues with people (like to the point of making snide remarks about killing whoever’s bugging me), which I need sometimes – it’s just nice to revel in someone being absolutely one hundred percent pro-me and anti-everyone else. He gives good advice. He calms me down.

After I vented and he talked me down a bit he reminded me that he does have a hard time parsing emotional stuff and that in future it would help an awful lot if I could slow down and not be talking a hundred miles a minute because it takes a lot of energy and effort for him to follow everything. I don’t know if I can actually do that when I’m anxious but I do love that he told me in simple, straightforward terms what he needs from me, and that he did put forth the effort to try to keep up with me instead of just saying “Yeah I can’t deal with this. Don’t talk to me until you’ve calmed down.”

Later, lying in bed with The Pedant, I expressed worry that The Dandy won’t have the guts to oust Dandette anytime soon and I’ll lose my patience and have to bail on the relationship. I don’t want to have to leave; I love him. But there’s only so much I can take. “Well, if that happens, you’ll still have me,” The Pedant said. “I know I’m not in a position to financially support you like The Dandy is, but…” This feels like as much of a statement of commitment to me as The Pedant has ever given me. I stroked the side of his face and assured him that he is indeed important to me and I’m glad I have him.

I’m still marveling at how much less selfish The Pedant is with sexual/physical stuff these days. I don’t know what the hell happened. But he got me off several times over the course of our time together, gave me a long and excellent foot massage where he followed directions and didn’t ask “so, feeling better now?” every five seconds, and spent lots of time petting me. Also he unpacked my stuff and laid it out in logical places without me asking him to, but he’s been doing little acts of service like that for years now. I told him a while ago that if he ever wanted to be my submissive outside the bedroom as well as in it, I would welcome this. TBH it’s seemed as though he was drifting in the direction of being my service sub for a long time now but just not calling it what it is. I guess he’s still not ready because he hasn’t followed up on that conversation. But it took years for us just to get to the point of him openly submitting to me sexually, so we’ll see.

Sigh. I’m probably jumping the gun here in a major way but I totes just texted The Pedant asking if he might agree to wearing an Eternity wrist cuff (with me keeping custody of the tool that removes it). I expect he’ll say no, because it might be an awkward thing to explain to his live-in girlfriend and it might feel a bit too much like openly declaring him my sub. But he reacted so well to the idea of an anklet that you never know.

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The Transcript

So here’s the text conversation I had with The Pedant shortly after he, his girlfriend Raver Chick and I had dinner together. (I hadn’t asked the purpose of the meeting before because if he’d said any version of “it’s so she can judge you” I would not have been able to act normal whatsoever. So I kinda went LALALALALA inside my head and blanked out those fears and then asked him after.)

Me: So, RaverChick is awesome. Not that you need anyone else to inform you of this. But can I just ask…the idea of her meeting me or vice-versa seemed like A Thing for you. A mission to complete. Why? For what purpose?

Pedant: She doesn’t do “solo poly” and has made a point of introducing me to the one other woman she’s dating. I decided I should reciprocate.

Me: So what’s the significance for her of people knowing each other?

Pedant: I’m not entirely sure what the significance of people knowing each other is to her, but I suspect it has to do with not wanting any secrets and wanting to be able to address any potential upset before it becomes drama. Both of those have been issues with past partners.

Me: [Typing at the same time as The Pedant was, not having gotten his previous message yet] Like I guess for me it’s interesting to meet metamours but to NEED to meet them would imply an audition of some sort, to me. Like I was needing to approve of them. And if I didn’t approve…then what? Veto? I don’t believe in veto power, hence I don’t insist on meeting metamours. Not in any big formal way. [New message responding to his last one that I just got:] I can relate to the not keeping secrets. I mean if The Dandy started dating someone outside of our weird little home-cult and he seemed to be deliberately hiding her, it would bug me, too. Even if I knew all about her existence. Because for one thing, so many people claim they’re fine with poly but when faced with an actual flesh and blood metamour they freak out. …This is RaverChick’s first time meeting a metamour, yes? Was it terribly weird for her? I suppose I have concerns that she was fine with me in theory but now that I’m a real person who’s gonna bang her boy, she’ll object.

Pedant: As I said, she had a former partner who wasn’t honest with her and she doesn’t do solo poly. She’s also really enthusiastic to have an actual poly relationship after spending the last decade wanting one and not getting it. Meeting her partners’ partners is an important part of the lifestyle (particularly in regards to openly communicating) as far as she’s concerned. This was her first time doing so and it wasn’t weird for her at all. Frankly, she went through some trouble to make sure you were comfortable (including giving you the seat next to me at the restaurant) and she’s quite happy to be at the stage of meeting partners’ partners. She hasn’t expressed any objections and your concerns are unexpected from where I’m sitting.

Me: The last time you had another partner you really liked, you bailed on me unexpectedly right after sex to go be monogamous with her and let me believe it was her idea to be exclusive. Soooo that would be where my concerns come from.

Pedant: The last time was not after over a year of seeing the person in question. 😛

Me: Yeah. But it’s her first poly relationship and if meeting me had made her freak out and tell you to sever ties…I guess I’m not sure she’d say no. Has it been over a year already?

Pedant: It was a year on September 17th. It’s her first but she’s done enough reading and spent enough time with the poly crowd to know what she’s doing. I wouldn’t worry if I were you, not least because if she did ask me to sever ties she’d be breaking our deal and would have to give up the girlfriend she’s got. 😛

Me: What I’d like to hear though is that if (in a parallel universe where she’s less awesome) RaverChick said she’d rather you stopped seeing me, you’d object – and you’d do so on the grounds that you WANT TO KEEP ME.

[I sent that at maybe 9pm. The Pedant didn’t respond. The next day he still hadn’t responded. So at around noon I added clarification, in case he didn’t get my point or had simply forgotten to respond and the new notification would remind him:]

Me: Like as opposed to reassuring me “oh, don’t worry, my gf would never ask for that” like it’s the only reason you’re still here.

Pedant: …shouldn’t that be self evident at this point?

[For fuck’s sake, how could it be? The last time he had a serious relationship he LEFT me, and he hasn’t had another serious relationship until now. And now, when I’m asking for reassurance, his reassurance has been: “RaverChick and I have been together over a year now”(???) and “she won’t ask me to dump you because then she’d have to dump her girlfriend.” HOW IS THAT ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO REASSURE ME?!? IT STILL IMPLIES THAT THE ONLY REASON HE HASN’T LEFT IS BECAUSE SHE HASN’T TOLD HIM TO!]


Pedant: [Facepalm emoticon] You were able to seduce me when I came over to help you figure out packing up your old place at the end of last year, and rekindled the relationship with very little effort. Since then I’ve explained to you that you’ve been able to seduce me into actively wanting things from you which I’d previously not wanted. It should be obvious at this point that I do want you. [Okay that’s nice but not actually the point. I know he likes fucking me. What I don’t know is whether he likes it, or me, enough to want to be with me even when he’s in love with someone else. But oh, wait, he sent a new message:] And, yes, in some Sliders-style parallel universe where RaverChick is a neurotic and insecure mess who demands I stop seeing you, I would object because I do want to keep you.

Me: …There it is. Thank you.

Pedant: I have no idea why you wanted to hear that so insistently but you’re welcome anyway.

[Really, Pedant? You don’t know why I needed to hear that you won’t give me up for someone else, when the last time you loved someone else, you…gave me up for her? Which I explicitly told you is what’s worrying me now? Okay then.]

[On another note, it’s both hot and annoying that he keeps referring to me as “seducing” him. Hot because I can pretend that I’m just so sexy and domly that I can persuade him into doing things he doesn’t want. Annoying because in real life I don’t WANT to persuade him (or anyone) into stuff he doesn’t want, and in fact I’m certain that’s not what happens, with him. Him wanting to fuck me but not knowing if it would be welcome until I make a move on him is not “seduction.” Me telling him I’d like to play with his ass and then backing off to let him think about it for a few months and eventually he returns to the idea of his own accord because he’s curious is also not “seduction.” But it seems like he needs to believe that everything is my idea and never his, so whatevs.]


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