Tag Archives: The Dandy

Hard times

Our oldest cat (I think I called him Grumpus in an earlier post) seems like he might be on his way out. He hasn’t been eating or drinking and he just…has a really miserable look in his eyes. The Dandy decided we needed to take Grumpus to the emergency vet tonight and see if he’s salvageable or what. He figured if we waiting til tomorrow to make an appointment it might be too late. I should add that The Dandy has seen four or five other cats off to the next world so he’s pretty fine tuned to the signs at this point.

So off we went. But Grumpus was originally The Dandy and Dandette’s cat; he arrived from a previous home about eight years ago, hating all women on sight for reasons we don’t know (we assume the woman in his previous house abused him), and Dandette rehabilitated him over the course of years and now he’s just calm and friendly with everyone. I kind of hate Dandette but I think she deserves to know her cat is ailing, and to come say goodbye if it comes to that. I suggested The Dandy text her and let her know the situation.

I accompanied The Dandy and Grumpus to the vet for emotional support, and while we were waiting to be seen, Dandette texted The Dandy back saying she’d be there by around 9pm. “How much do you need me to be here when she’s here?” I asked The Dandy. He told me I could bolt if I needed to. And at about 8:45, that’s what I did. If he’d asked me to stay, I would have (and felt barfy the entire time) but he didn’t. I hope he didn’t let me go solely for my benefit and later he’ll be resentful that I didn’t read his mind and stay.

So I went home, and like ten minutes after I got here, The Dandy got back, too (he drove, I took public transit, so he’s faster). He shut Grumpus in the kitchen with some food and water (isolating him so we could better tell if he’d eaten anything; Bastardcat will eat Grumpus’ food if he can get to it), then told me that Dandette was downstairs having a smoke and he was going to drive her home and in the process pick up my blanket and DVD that she’d taken with her when she left.

It’s only right that she be kept informed about Grumpus’ failing health and come be with him if she needs to, and I don’t begrudge The Dandy driving her home after. But for the record I hate that this crisis required Dandette and The Dandy to spend time together and I hate that they no doubt fell into an easy old pattern of relating to each other and reminisced about old times and all that crap. And/or she (understandably) burst into tears about Grumpus and The Dandy felt obligated to comfort her through hugs and god knows what other measures. They have a long history. A lot of it is shitty but it’s still a lot longer than what The Dandy and I have, and against all odds, she and he seem like they’re still comfortable around each other. I mean, he’d even been debating remaining friends with her. More recently he seemed off the idea but now that fate forced them together again who the fuck knows what he’ll think.

Meh. I started writing this entry a few hours ago and then got sidetracked. The Dandy is home now, and he has my blanket and DVD – huzzah! The only thing I asked him about Dandette is whether she tried to seduce him so he’d admit he was wrong to let her go, and invite her back into the fold. He said she didn’t. I didn’t ask anything else about their time together; now is the time to gloss over that shit and focus on helping him through the emotional turmoil of his cat probably dying. I just kinda needed to know if they’d ended up having ill-advised makeouts.


Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Money gulf

Last night I realized just what a toll it’s been taking on me mentally that my bedroom (and to a lesser extent the living room) is in disarray. I’ve been sleeping on a mattress on the floor and using a shitty little cheap bookshelf leftover from Dandette as a nighttable. I don’t feel like I should assemble the bed I bought or add any other furniture to the room until it’s been repainted the way I want. I began this process the other day – shoving my minimal furniture to one side of the room and then the other in order to put primer on all the walls – but the exertion hurt my back and I had to stop after one coat. So now on top of the room’s lack of furniture/personality/convenience, the walls have a layer of  white primer through which the previous maroon shows in patches, so it looks extra makeshift in here. I feel like I’m camping and I hate it.

Add to this that even when I do eventually assemble the bed, it’s a queen size and my mattress is a double. I put up with this same disparity with my previous bed for a year or two because I couldn’t afford to upgrade my mattress, but I really hope I can save up enough to buy a properly sized mattress soon*. I just…really want a bedroom that looks like it belongs to an actual grownup.

I told this to The Dandy and he said “Sometimes you just have to be patient and save up for things.”

This unfortunate wording made me flinch and then start to rage-cry. I asked him why the hell he would say that to me. He said he meant it as comfort, like “don’t worry, you’ll get it eventually, hang in there.”

I believe him. But what he actually did say came off like he was explaining the concepts of saving up money and delayed gratification to me.

The Dandy has never been poor, currently makes nearly six figures, and doesn’t have any kind of nest egg in the bank; he spends any extra cash he has on luxury goods. I’m fairly sure he spends more than the cost of the mattress I want for myself on custom shoes and/or antique fountain pens and/or designer clothes and/or fancy knives every month. Probably he’s had to save up for something at some point in his life, but most of the things he wants seem to be within a price range where he can get them immediately.

And I…have been trying to save up for the right-size mattress for my bed for two years. I haven’t been to the dentist in seven years. I’ve worn the exact same bra every day for, I don’t even know. Multiple years. I haven’t bought that queen-size mattress or new bras or dental work because instead I’ve had to squirrel away enough money during each lucrative school year to get me through the substantially poorer summer. A couple of times, despite my best efforts, I fell short and had to put a month or two of rent on credit, but I paid it back. Bastardcat needed major surgery and I put that on credit and paid it back, eventually, too.

I do not need Mr. Moneybags to explain the concept of having to wait a while and apply myself in order to afford things. It felt like my dismissive parents blaming me for my own poverty all over again. Either that, or condescension: “sometimes you (you specifically, I guess because you weren’t smart enough to go to university or whatever and get a great job like me) just have to be patient and save up for things. (Good luck with that! I’ll just be over here impulse-buying a $450 knife that is almost identical to three of my other knives.)”

I’m not sure if The Dandy understands how his comment came off to me. I tried to explain it. But he doesn’t know the strain of being poor and I secretly suspect that he does kinda see my poverty as my own fault – or, not my fault exactly, but that he thinks the job market is a lot more of a meritocracy than it actually is – I suspect he thinks he gets paid so much more than I do because his job is proportionately more difficult or valuable than what I do, rather than because the people I work for are underpaying me.

But yeah. He’s sympathetic to the fact that I’m poor. But he doesn’t get it. And this sometimes leads to him being a bit insensitive by accident.


*Technically I have enough for the one I want right now…but I also have a bunch of urgent dental work that needs doing and that The Dandy’s benefits probably won’t completely cover. So I gotta see how that shakes out before I go buying any big-ticket items.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Almost forgot

One time, a few weeks ago or something, I woke up from a sex dream (in my bedroom, alone) and wanted to get off immediately. And I was in such a desperate state that I thought I might even manage it by hand rather than using my Hitachi.

And I did manage it. The orgasm was pretty much just a blip, but it was better than nothing. Blew off some tension, anyway.

Right after I was done (like right after  – I was still all disheveled n shit), The Dandy appeared in my doorway looking puzzled. “I thought I heard…did you…?”

For Pete’s sake, he hadn’t even been in his bedroom when I was getting off. He was in the bathroom, which is further away and he would have been peeing and running water and stuff. And I hadn’t been moaning or anything. Harsh breathing sounds at the very most. And yet.

I hope/assume he was coming by to possibly help out; otherwise he surely would have ignored the sounds. A few times back when we shared a bedroom I started masturbating while he was a few feet away on the computer and he didn’t even turn around or acknowledge me in any way  (and a few times when I started masturbating he abandoned his internetting and participated. He just doesn’t feel any need to be part of these activities with me unless he’s in the mood, I guess). So that’s something. But I always felt self-conscious and on display knowing he can hear my vibrator, and now it seems that even when I’m being vibrator-less and stealthy he knows what I’m up to.


Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized


The Dandy’s “date” was last night but it totally went kerflooey. He and his old college fling were supposed to meet at a nightclub, and although they were both there, they didn’t recognize each other. So they didn’t end up hanging out at all.

He did flirt with some other women, though, and says he might have a little something in the works with one of them. That makes me more nervous than the idea of him banging some chick from out of town, but we’ll see how it plays out.

I realized last night that it was the uncertainty of The Dandy’s “date” that bugged me most – he didn’t know for sure if she was looking to hang out platonically or not, and hence he didn’t know if he’d be coming home after clubbing or staying over at her hotel. Midway through the night I realized that my main source of consternation over that wasn’t relationship insecurity, it was “…So will I have the place to myself all night or not?” I had to work the next day and it would have suited me just fine to know that he wouldn’t be coming home in the middle of the night (which would wake me up even if I was in my room with the door shut; I’m a light sleeper) – that I could doze off in the living room in front of Netflix if I wanted, even, and not be disturbed.

Alas, he did come home at 4am, unlaid. He didn’t seem terribly disappointed about it, anyway, which is good. He’s been seeming in dire need of a sexy ego boost lately and I was afraid if this possible sex fell through for him he’d be really dejected.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Last night The Dandy checked his text messages and said “Dandette is asking about getting some of her stuff this weekend. She also wants me to come see her new place, which I have no interest in at all, obviously.”

“Why would that be obvious to me?” I asked. “Just the other day you implied that you wanted her in your life in some capacity.”

“I flip-flop,” The Dandy said. “I mean I was thinking of trying to be friends, but now that I know she’s been making up some story in her head that I’m gonna break up with you and I’ll ask her to come back…ugh, that’s just too much crazy.”

TBH I rather suspected that this would happen. The Dandy was with her for around seven years, held prisoner by her anxiety attacks and suicide threats, and probably got a big ol’ case of Stockholm Syndrome. I think he feels guilt at the relationship failing, or at not being able to save or fix Dandette. I think he’s beginning to realize how fucked up and abusive things between them actually were. But I also think he’s resisting seeing her as just a flat-out awful person because that would mean he was stupid enough not only to fall for an awful person, but to invest seven years in her*. So it probably soothes his pride to pretend that she’s great and the two of them just aren’t compatible as lovers but can still be friends. I don’t think this will be the last time he flip-flops about this. I anticipate a rough ride for the next six months to a year where he vacillates wildly between trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and realizing that he dodged a bullet.

And I’m sorry, I know I’m harping on this yet again, but it still BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME that the things Dandette has done to me don’t factor into any of this. He fully understands that what she did to me was sexual assault; he calls it what it is and doesn’t try to minimize it. He also knows that the thing where she jokingly threatened me with the sword was inappropriate – in this case he was the one who said it first to me because AnxietyBrain was making me feel like I might be upset over nothing. He said every kind of training with a deadly weapon will always tell you never to point it at someone unless you actually do intend to hurt them, and that threatening me with it was not at all acceptable, especially since I’m a layman with no idea how sharp it was or anything. For all I knew, the thing could have sliced my arm open. And he said it was just a ridiculously childish and inappropriate way to act in front of his mom.  So he knows that these are bad things that happened.

If someone I was close to sexually assaulted my partner and then – on another occasion – knowingly did a thing that drove them into a huge panic attack (let alone all the other, more insidious shit Dandette did to both of us!) I would be angry at them for it. I would yell at them for it and then I wouldn’t want to hang out with them anymore. And yet…here we are.

And I know The Dandy was an abuse victim, too, so his head is probably all screwed up and I have to try to be gentle with him. But I don’t know how to stop being angry about this. I’ve been in abusive relationships with people who terrified me; I’ve had such low self-esteem that I thought I deserved to be treated badly; but even through all of that, if someone threatened someone I loved, my usual terror would evaporate and I’d fill with rage and step in to defend my loved one. My dad (who was abusive and scared me shitless) screamed at the family dog once for no good reason and I got between them and said “DON’T YOU DARE YELL AT HER. SHE DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING. STOP IT.” I was probably eight or nine years old at the time, confronting a grown man who I knew could throw me through a fucking wall if he wanted to. But I did it.

And at this point, Dandette has moved out. I don’t need The Dandy to reprimand her for things she’s done to me (although I wish he had). I don’t need him to intervene when she’s in the middle of doing something terrible to me (though I wish he had). I just want him to not be pals with her. I want him to not talk to her except to work out the practical details of her picking up the rest of her stuff. I want him not to say yes to going for drinks with her. And most of the time he can’t manage to do even that.


*I don’t think he’s stupid for not seeing the red flags, or for getting so caught up in his and Dandette’s fucked-up relationship that he didn’t know it was fucked up anymore. Abusers and manipulators are subtle about it; they lure you in under false pretenses; that’s kinda their whole schtick. It’s not The Dandy’s fault for being a normal, trusting person. But I think victims of abuse do tend to blame themselves for it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

A weird but nice visit.

Boyfriendish – Dandette’s…ambiguous friend/dating person who is now definitely no longer dating her – came over for a visit the other night, by his own request.

I believe that he and The Dandy had run in the same social circle for a while, years before either of them knew Dandette, and then when Boyfriendish and Dandette hooked up and she told The Dandy about it he was like “Oh! Ha! I used to know that guy!” and of course sometimes Dandette would have Boyfriendish over and The Dandy was around and they’d talk some. And Boyfriendish and The Dandy did go out for drinks after Dandette’s exodus to kind of talk that over so Boyfriendish could separate fact from Dandette’s specific brand of fiction. But I thought that was the extent of any kind of friendship there. So when Boyfriendish asked if we wanted to hang out, I was surprised. Was this an interest in being actual friends rather than just acquaintances connected via Dandette, or was he looking to process Dandette-related trauma with people who get it?

For the first couple hours he was here, we talked about just stuff in general. But when Dandette’s name eventually did come up, it’s like the floodgates opened – first for Boyfriendish and then we followed suit.

I’m getting an even creepier picture of Dandette now than before. Boyfriendish says that Dandette recently visited the guy who lives next door to us (I know that part to be true) and reported back to Boyfriendish: “Neighbour says he hears Cowgirl and The Dandy having screaming fights all the time. I bet they’ll break up and he’ll beg to take me back. I’ll end up living there again – you’ll see!”

The Dandy and I don’t have screaming fights all the time. Or, like, ever – unless you count my low blood-sugar rage that one time, and that was just a brief tantrum on my side only. And I rather suspect that the neighbour never claimed we did fight; Dandette’s story sounds entirely contrived and creepy and delusional. There is a couple near us who has screaming fights (sounds like it’s coming from above us somewhere) and I wonder if the neighbour said something about that and Dandette chose to assume it must be us. I mean surely we’d fall to pieces without her occasional lacklustre housework efforts, right? We never fought when she was living with us but that’s gotta be because she was the glue holding the household together.

But here’s a thing that bugged me: Boyfriendish said “I don’t know if you know this, but Dandette referred to the two of you as being her partners when you all lived together” – like, clearly believing that this was another delusion of hers – and The Dandy didn’t correct him. I figured The Dandy must have his reasons for not saying anything, so I didn’t clarify anything, either. But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Dandette is all kinds of fucked in the head and it would be easy to make up all kinds of stuff to add to the pile of red flags; people would believe it, and maybe even she would become confused if confronted about it because she seems to struggle with knowing what’s real. I don’t want to do that to her. There’s enough shit she actually did that we don’t need to invent any.

Later, I asked The Dandy why he didn’t say anything when Boyfriendish said that thing about Dandette being deluded that we were partners.* He hesitated and said “Did she and I ever get back together, though? Or did she just assume it?” And at the time I was like “Ha! OMG good point” because she did just assume it. What actually happened was that I basically said “Hey, theoretically speaking, if you and The Dandy were to get back together and he dated me, too, how would you handle it if he wasn’t in the mood for sex, or wanted it with me and not you? Because I know you have a history of using sex for validation.” She never did answer the fucking question, but a few days later I overheard her telling someone on the phone that she and The Dandy were back together.

So she did assume. BUT. She also repeatedly referred to herself as The Dandy’s girlfriend, and to him as having two girlfriends, right to his face a thousand times without him saying anything to correct her. They had sex. We openly talked about all getting commitment rings for each other. We all came out to our parents about our living situation. The Dandy really can’t take the tack that Dandette was mistaken about our arrangement. So again I’m wondering why he didn’t say anything to Boyfriendish to correct his misunderstanding of things.

Anyway, I say it was a confusing visit because I was hearing things about Dandette from these two different perspectives – and I had my own – and usually we were all kind of on the same page but sometimes we weren’t.

And the thing is, The Dandy did lie to me, once, when he failed to inform me that he and Dandette were having sex again. Dandette was the one who told me they’d been fucking while he and I were broken up and that he’d dumped her again shortly after (but not right after) I came back into the picture. And when I confronted The Dandy about this, it turned out to be true. Honestly if that hadn’t happened I think things would have gone very, very differently with the three of us. I’d seen red flags in Dandette and distrusted her and wanted her out of The Dandy’s apartment and life. But I’m guessing she realized this and embarked on a manipulation campaign to be super nice to me and gain my trust so she wouldn’t lose her meal ticket, and by fortuitous accident The Dandy had violated my trust, which shifted my loyalties considerably. Suddenly she looked like the good one and he looked…not so great. And it made me question everything that had gone before.

So The Dandy lied to me by omission that time, and then The Dandy lied by omission to Boyfriendish the other night by not saying “Oh, we did get back together; that was real.”

So like, Boyfriendish said to The Dandy “Dandette says she’s been texting you a bunch, asking when she can get the rest of her stuff back, and you haven’t replied.”

My automatic reaction – I guess because The Dandy has that small history of lying to me and because he tends to hide from shit he doesn’t want to deal with – was to say to The Dandy “I didn’t know that! You gave me the impression she wasn’t saying anything to you about getting her stuff and that we’d have to push the issue.”

The Dandy said “She sent me one text, and it was about returning some stuff of ours that she took by accident. But yeah, I haven’t responded.”

And I thought shit, that’s right, Dandette tends to spin her own version of things. It’s totally possible that she hasn’t been asking about her stuff but she’s telling Boyfriendish that she did in order to make us look bad. But is that really what’s happening? Or is The Dandy lying?

Boyfriendish, meanwhile, is telling us that he never, ever told Dandette that the two of them were boyfriend/girlfriend – that if she ever thought that, it’s because she made it up herself. And…maybe? But they were hanging out and having sex. They were going on LARP weekends together and sleeping in the same bed. He emotionally supported and comforted her through her mental crises of various kinds. Perhaps he never thought of them as dating, but it sure sounds like they did dating-type things (unless Dandette was even lying about that…) so if she was under the impression they were an item, I don’t actually think that’s so crazy.

We got to talking about the sexual assault and Dandette’s general need to have everyone she knows fuck her in order to confirm her value as a human being. Boyfriendish mentioned that the time he came over and Dandette ended up getting drunk, she went into “fuck me fuck me fuck me” mode and he had to be like “whoa, back off, we’re not doing this.” But I was there that day and once Boyfriendish left I asked Dandette if she’d had a nice time with him and she smugly said “I got my cunt rubbed.”

Boyfriendish, as I have mentioned, is poly. He’s married and up until recently he had a long-term girlfriend, as well – the girlfriend broke up with him, though, because she felt threatened by how close he and Dandette were getting. Well, no, not exactly. She felt threatened by how close he and Dandette were getting and told him to please back off her a bit but he didn’t do it (they did ease off on sexual stuff, but apparently that was Dandette’s idea – both Dandette and Boyfriendish’s now-ex girlfriend corroborate this). Then when Dandette left our apartment forevaaaaaar, she went to Boyfriendish’s place for refuge and he didn’t tell the gf immediately. When she found out, that’s what triggered her to break up with him.

I know most of this because I friended the gf on FB and we compared notes about Dandette, like, a bunch. One thing she said about Boyfriendish is that he has a hard time saying no.

So did Boyfriendish get all affronted by Dandette’s drunken come-ons that time and ward her off? Or did he give her a hand job to shut her up? Or give her a hand job because he wanted to, even, and his interest overrode the fact that his gf wouldn’t have wanted him to? Did the “cunt rubbing” happen only in Dandette’s mind, and if so, was it a deliberate lie she told me or is it a thing she’s choosing to actually believe?

Dandette legitimately does seem to rewrite history with her own special spin on it. But The Dandy and Boyfriendish both have a vested interest in pretending that they saw her red flags the whole time and didn’t get sucked in that much. So whose perspective do I trust?

Anyway, in happier news, although Boyfriendish seems pretty done being friends with Dandette, he says he’d willing to help her get the rest of her stuff out of here or to act as a sort of intermediary in the negotiations that will probably have to happen re: the general severing of her from our household. So that’s cool.



*Arguably, she and I were not partners, only she and The Dandy. We didn’t date, we didn’t fuck. But we did expressly agree – at one point before shit hit the fan, when I thought she was a more stable and good person – to be platonic lifemate-type people. I told her once that even though she and I weren’t fucking, I still kind of thought of us as a triad. It’s not crazy of her to talk about us both as partners.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized


The prospect of The Dandy possibly fucking someone else got us talking about poly stuff in general. He’d told me once that sometimes he does get uncomfortable with me seeing other people but he just doesn’t make a big thing about it. I reminded him of that and asked him what sorts of things make him feel insecure. He said he thinks the thing that would get to him most would be if he saw me with someone. Like, making out and stuff. He’s hung out with me and The Pedant, and with me and that cutie who briefly visited me from the ‘States a while back, but I kept a respectful semi-distance from those boys out of consideration for The Dandy.

Him saying it would make him feel weird to see me kissing someone else somewhat filled me with rage because, y’know…I got an eyeful of Dandette sucking his dick on a bunch of different occasions and I was never comfortable with that. So I’m kinda ragey that I’ve had to deal with all that crap and meanwhile he’s like “eeek, I wouldn’t be comfortable witnessing this thing many levels less intense than what I exposed you to.” But, I mean, it’s not like The Dandy told me not to make out with anyone else near him or that he couldn’t ever deal with it. Perhaps if it came up he’d power through it just like I did with Dandette. Part of my rage here is also that I did power through the weirdness instead of tactfully leaving the two of them alone when she started doing sexual stuff to him. Just – a lot of poly stuff was scary and awkward at first and I got over it by going through it. And I thought seeing The Dandy being so intimate with another partner might be one of those things I could get used to, so I tried. But it might simply be one of my limits.  Or at least a limit where Dandette in particular is concerned. Her undertone of exhibition poisoned a lot of things for me that I think would have been okay in a different context. Her blowjobs had a smug, competitive air to them. They felt like a challenge leveled at me.

I told The Dandy most of this – how I can’t really tell ahead of time if a scary poly thing is a limit or if I just need to get used to it and then it’ll be fine, so I watched Dandette giving blowjobs a few times but was never at all comfortable and wish I hadn’t. And I explained that while it is a valid thing to try a thing and see if it gets easier, there’s also a lot of cultural conditioning for women to be The Cool Girl who’s easygoing and up for anything and blah blah blah – and I wonder how much that played into my decisions.

The Dandy asked me what I meant by “The Cool Girl.” I said, y’know, a woman who’s adventurous and up for sex all the time and willing to do all kinds of porny things. Someone who’s just fun and doesn’t have a lot of needs of her own and doesn’t complain.

I’m still PMSing, btw, but it seems to have taken a turn from rage into melancholy and illogical insecurity.

I explained to The Dandy that I keep telling myself that Dandette – his partner who was an exhibitionist and would fuck him at sex parties and was all “You don’t have to use condoms with me! I have an IUD!” and who loved to give blowjobs and could deepthroat and was into receiving needle play and who apparently literally has a come fetish – is no longer in his life and I’m still here, but it’s hard to make it sink in and I worry that I’m boring. The Dandy smiled and petted me, comfortingly.

“Okay, so let’s try this,” I said. “Can you tell me some things you get from sex with me that you didn’t with Dandette?”

“Orgasms,” The Dandy said.

“…I…I know you didn’t usually get her off, but I’m talking about things that were missing for you. You had orgasms with her.”

“I came,” The Dandy corrected me.

Ohhhhhhh!” I said, realizing what he meant.

“Yeah. I jizzed, but that’s it. No actual orgasms.”

“Right, right…I knew that those are two different things, but most guys use the different terms interchangeably. What else?”

The Dandy thought for a minute. “You’re present, in body and mind.”

I had started this conversation to hear good things about sex with me, not to get any kind of visual in my head of The Dandy fucking Dandette, so I didn’t pursue that topic. The obvious implication is that her mind was usually elsewhere when they had sex; I’m pretty sure The Dandy would say it’s because sex for her was usually about validation, not about her actually desiring him; no need to ask clarifying questions that would get both of us imagining the shitty sex more than we needed to.

“Okay,” I said. “One more and then I’m gonna try to forcibly get my mind onto a different track because I think I’m starting to pointlessly obsess.”

The Dandy thought some more and said “You actually notice whether I’m enjoying myself. Yeah, Dandette was enthusiastic, but she never paid any attention to what I liked. It felt like she just did whatever she felt like doing.”

“Oh god, I haaaaate when someone is enthusiastic in bed but totally ignores what I want,” I said. “I always thought that was more of a guy thing.”

“I mean sure, she could deep-throat me, but…meh.” The Dandy made a dismissive gesture indicating either that deep-throating doesn’t do it for him or that she did it in a way that didn’t feel especially good.

So today I learned that:

1) The Dandy has orgasms with me and didn’t with Dandette*

2) When The Dandy and I have sex I’m actually into it, whereas Dandette was perhaps just going through the motions.

3) I’m just flat-out better in bed.

This pleases me. And boy oh boy do I love knowing that those expansive, free-float, giggly orgasms The Dandy sometimes has are specific to me (at least for now) and he doesn’t just do that for anyone. And the deeper implication there is probably that he feels safer with me – or more attracted or more in love or all three – than he did with Dandette and that’s why he can let go so thoroughly with me.

Well now I’m turned on. I’m gonna go ambush him.


*At least not this most recent time they dated; I assume maybe when they were first falling for each other and he didn’t know how fucked up she is, shit might have been better.


1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized