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Expansion

So I wrote to The Pedant:

Just for the record, my dream, for years now, has been to have a man who submits to me in bed but ALSO in other areas that make my life easier. A go-getter I can delegate things to (like planning outings) and he’ll present me with detailed options to choose from

I don’t presume to think that your movie-planning prowess is anything more than vanilla helpfulness.

But if you ever WANT to submit to me in a wider capacity than bedroom stuff, let me know. You would be so exactly what I want.

“So, basically, you want a house-husband,” The Pedant said. Asking for clarity about what exactly would be involved in submitting to me more, I guess. That bodes well.

I wrote another wee novel:

Well you can’t be THAT, given that you don’t live with me and I can’t support you…but elements of that, I guess, insofar as it’s possible. Reliably doing what I want, and doing so in the spirit of being in service to me.

In which “what I want” would mostly be minor fetching and carrying, making food, tech support, planning and organizing outings or other things. Maybe Googling shit for me sometimes.

And also of course all the sex. ๐Ÿ˜€

He hasn’t responded to that, and the conversation drifted off elsewhere. But that’s fine. I’m happy to have gotten my thoughts off my chest. He usually needs time to process relationshippy talk so I’ll just back off a while and see if he eventually approaches me to ask more about what I’ve said.

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Damn…

The Pedant ended up utterly outdoing me for dirty talk the other night. His prose was descriptive and had rhythm and was just…hot. I could barely keep up. How long he’s had this skill sitting in his back pocket I don’t know. ๐Ÿ˜€

The slightly weird thing (and a big reason I felt I couldn’t keep up with him) is that I said some mushy thing about how lovely he is to play with and he said “Do you really enjoy using me that much?” and I said yeah, I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather collar (the convo started with me showing him a titanium eternity anklet online and saying I’d love to lock one onto him, remember). And it’s true, I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather collar, because I don’t currently have anyone else who submits to me.

And he started up a sort of call-and-response rhythm of saying “Only me to do X and Y to?” and some of the things weren’t even D/s related – he was asking me if I wanted to touch only his nipples and stuff. And I mean I’m willing to get caught up in fantasy and hyperbole to a certain extent but I just started feeling uncomfortable. Like how far would this go? And would he start thinking I actually meant it and didn’t want to play with anyone else? If I then ended up meeting someone else who bottomed to me, and mentioning it to The Pedant, would he feel misled?

It was late at night anyway so I eventually just ended the conversation as gracefully as I could, saying I needed to get some sleep.

I didn’t think The Pedant was the type to eroticize being the only one to do whatever with me. I mean we’re both poly and living with other people. So this was…weird. It almost felt as though he was asking for reassurance or trying to get me to say that I’d only do D/s with him and nobody else or something. I dunno. I’m probably overthinking it.

His overall response to me sending him that link to the anklet did get me thinking, though: would he let me collar him? Maybe not an anklet per se, because that’s a bit too unconventional for The Pedant, I think, and really would probably not work under the kind of tight lace-up boots he usually wears. But I could see him liking the look of something like this titanium bracelet. And I really, really dig the idea of him having a reminder of me locked onto him all the time.

Something seems to have clicked over in The Pedant. I’m not just topping him anymore, and haven’t been for a while now. He’s actually into the idea of me genuinely having control and using him as I please; he focuses on my pleasure a lot more than he used to. And although we’ve only negotiated bedroom D/s, he does seem to try to impress me outside the bedroom, too, doing little things to make my life easier. Carrying my knapsack for me, paying for things for me. Lots of little gestures that just light me right up. Things he didn’t do for the first few years we were together.

And the things he’s said about feeling safe with me to explore these parts of himself just make me swoon. I guess I’d like to declare ownership over that small piece of his psyche. I’d like him to more formally declare himself mine. And, okay, I suppose I’m a bit jealous that he’s living with someone now, and want some sort of counterbalance, some evidence that he loves me, too, despite being less entangled with me life-wise.

Anyway. On a related note (or maybe not) he wants to take me to see the new Bladerunner movie on Friday and I asked him to do some recon on locations and times and I’d buy advance tickets to whatever he thought was best. The email he ended up sending me was…breathtakingly thorough. He sussed out the best location for our needs, showed me times, linked to where precisely to buy tickets online for each showing, linked me to supplementary materials I might want to watch ahead of time (the best version of the original movie, some short films made after that which take place in the same universe).

Now, it may well be that he was thorough like that just because he’s, well, pedantic. He’s always been anal retentive and detail oriented. But can I just say, my dream for years now has been to have a sub I can delegate things to and who will be extremely helpful and thorough, just like this. So I got his email and I was like “Holy shit, this boy is the sub I’ve been looking for all these years.”

And once again I’m wondering if he could come around to thinking of himself as that. Or if maybe he already does. When he does these acts of service, he is being nice to me or is he serving me? What goes in inside that gigantic melon head of his?

 

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Up and down

The Pedant is so weird. He’s a lot more forthcoming with sexy talk than he used to be, but he’s still really inconsistent with it. Maybe it just depends on whether he’s horny or not at any given time. I enjoy sexy talk just for the sport of it and would engage in that sort of banter with him at almost any time. Like not during a bout of the stomach flu or while watching the vet examine my horribly sick cat or something. But I don’t have to be actively wanting to wank in order to talk dirty.

A week ago I texted him: “I wish we were in a blank white room somewhere with you tied to the bed.” I was hoping to get something sexy in return, which does happen sometimes these days.

Instead he replied “That’ll have to wait. My work shifts won’t allow me to visit on October 16th, sadly.” (I’d asked him about the 16th ages ago – The Dandy is away that night at a work retreat thing. At the time he said he’d think about it but when I didn’t hear back within a few days I honestly just forgot all about it.)

By contrast, just now I texted him “Currently daydreaming about locking one of these onto you. Probably not practical under boots, but you’d look so pretty… http://www.eternitycollars.com/anklets/titanium-anklet” You can kind of see how flinchy I am there, anticipating the reasons why he’d tell me he wouldn’t wear such a thing. Being sure to specify that it’s a daydream.

His response: “It makes me hard that you’d want to keep me as a pet like that.”

Guuuuuuh I’LL BE IN MY BUNK.

 

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Third and probably final installment of the recent-ish Pedant visit

When we got back to our suite after dinner, it was around 1am and truth be told I was pretty tired and could have just gone to sleep. I felt like that would be a waste of the room we’d paid for, though, and The Pedant made it clear that he was game to keep going all night, so I rallied myself as best I could.

There had been talk of The Pedant bathing me and then massaging me, but the stupid bathtubย  in the suite had no plug for the drain (none in the sink, either) so the bath part of the evening was moot. I did grab my thing of moisturizer and have The Pedant massage my feet with it, though. And he was quite thorough and didn’t ask “so, better now?” every thirty seconds like he used to. When he did finally ask if I was feeling better (in a full sentence and with much a more sincere tone than the flippant “better?” he used to repeatedly give me) I requested a bit more work on my right foot and he provided it, for a good long time.

He got me off again, and preparatory to that, he lubed up my dildo by sucking on it (I’m honestly a bit squeamish about the spit-as-lube thing but it’s definitely not the sketchiest thing I’ve ever done to my vag and anyway I wanted to enjoy the show). He sucked my juices off the dildo after I’d come, too. Like, full eye contact, wrapping his lips tenderly around the head and then taking the toy as deeply into his mouth as it would go. The visual turned me on but in a weird way I was hesitant to let it turn me on because, like…did The Pedant understand that I was kinda-sorta picturing him giving fellatio to an actual cock just then? It seemed like he was putting on a deliberate show to turn me on, but was it a fellatio show or an I-bet-you’re-anticipating-this-toy-inside-you/look-how-much-I-love-your-juices show? I was a little scared that if I stared too intently he’d suddenly realize what was going through my head and get all weirded out. So I tried to play it at least a little cool.

But, you guys…I…I think he actually was deliberately giving fellatio to my dildo*. I’m not absolutely sure. But I think so. This may be one of those things where he was freaked out at first but slowly came around.

I ended up securing The Pedant to the bed again (this time in standard spread eagle formation) and cutting his boxers off him with scissors and edging him a whole bunch. It will never not be amazing to me that he can get off from such slow, languorous touches. I told him to tell me when he was close to coming because I wanted to edge him a bit, and I just kept swirling each my lubed-up hands sloooooowly around the head of his cock and then down the shaft in turn, and pretty soon he was telling me “I’m close” after ten seconds of this and I would back up and let him cool down a bit. At one point he requested I insert the stainless steel butt plug. It’s really nice to see him asking for this; now I know for sure it’s not just a thing he’s doing for me. I’m not sure what the plug does for him, since when I use my fingers he seems to prefer me moving them in very gentle circles just inside his entrance rather than pushing on his prostate, but apparently it does something.

Unfortunately, when I finally decided I wanted him to come inside me, I rode him thinking he’d go off like fireworks inside of a minute but he…didn’t. His dirty talk lapsed from “I want to come inside you” (which was hot) to “please make me come” (which is a bit performance anxiety-inducing) and I was shunting up and down on his cock so quickly as to feel somewhat undignified. I decided I wanted to go back to the slow stroking. I dismounted, pulled the condom off, and went back to the hand job.

(On a side note: at no time during any of our canoodling did The Pedant seem even remotely tempted to enter me without a condom. There were times that we were lying with our genitals touching and I sensed no hyperawareness of this and no shifting closer to “tease” himself as he used to do. Which is hurtful to me. Back when he and I weren’t really seeing anyone else and we agreed not to ditch condoms until we got STI tests and they came back okay, he “got carried away” and put himself inside me before either of us had even made an appointment. But now that he has a girlfriend who’s said “we’re fluid bonded, don’t bareback anyone else,” apparently he’s not prone to getting carried away anymore. That little reminder that he loves someone else and will effortlessly adhere to her boundaries stings like hell – especially since he didn’t adhere to mine back then. I enjoyed telling myself it was because our chemistry was just so hot he couldn’t help himself – but our hot chemistry is still very much there and he’s somehow found self-control. Fuck.)

Even with me back to stroking The Pedant with my hands, he was having a hard time getting over the edge. I felt kinda bad for him. I wonder if I went too far with the edging and his cock just abandoned all hope, or if he was just tired because it was like five in the morning by that point? At any rate, after quite a bit more struggling and straining and desperation, he finally did get off. His orgasm was less sustained than one might expect; in fact he got oversensitive really quickly and whispered “stop.”

After that he passed out immediately, as he is wont to do. I needed more time to wind down. I ended up only getting about two hours’ sleep in the end (he didn’t fare that much better; maybe four hours for him). Once we’d checked out of the suite, we went up to my place to catch up on sleep for a bit. He used some flimsy-sounding pretext to avoid using my and The Dandy’s bed; I assume he just felt weird about thatย  and for some reason didn’t wanna tell me flat out. We ended up dozing cuddled up on the couch. Unfortunately the building picked the worst possible day to start testing the fire alarms, so the klaxon went off in little bursts every five minutes. But I managed to get some rest, anyway, and I think he did, too.

Then he needed to get home so I walked him to the bus stop ’cause the building/neighbourhood is complicated at first. And the bus came and we kissed goodbye and that was that.

 

*Related: last night I unpacked a box left over from moving in here and I found my packer (squishy limp cock-n-balls that a person without a cock-n-balls of their own can put inside their pants). I stuffed it into the front of my boxer briefs, found The Dandy, and asked him to cup my package. He wouldn’t. He refused to touch this hunk of squishy rubber(?) simply because it was shaped like a penis. Actually I’m pretty sure The Pedant reacted the same way, back in the day; it’s nice to see that he may be evolving a little bit.

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Da secks

The Pedant hauled both our knapsacks down to the guest suite and I showed him around (he’d been so late that I’d had time to get the keys and scope the place out well before he arrived). Then I flopped down on the bed. I really hadn’t slept enough the night before and was feeling it. The Pedant methodically stripped down to his boxers, stowing each discarded piece of clothing neatly in the bedroom closet in his anal-retentive way. Then he left the room. I could hear him puttering around elsewhere. After probably over five minutes has passed I finally got curious as to what exactly he could be doing (what even was there to do in that otherwise empty apartment except hang out with me or use the bathroom?).

I found him in the bathroomย futzing around. “I thought I’d unpack your stuff and have it at the ready,” he said, shyly (I’d brought bubble bath and a thing of moisturizer because there had been talk of him bathing and then massaging me). How lovely. Our official deal is that he only submits to me sexually, but he seems to be deliberately expanding out into other kinds of service.

He really has the best mouth. All full and pouty and shit. I got distracted by all the pretty and started kissing him, seizing him firmly by the jaw to move his head whichever way I wanted it. He immediately began to melt. His knees buckled a bit and he ended up leaning his butt on the edge of the bathroom counter with his legs awkwardly splayed and bent. The way he so completely fell under my spell put me in an even toppier headspace and I just wanted to devour him alive. “Mine” I whispered fiercely between kisses. “Yes,” he whispered back.

(When I’m making out with a sub and it gets this good, I always feel at a loss for what to do – like my desire getsย so huge that there’s nowhere for it to go. I was thinking about this last night and realized that I do know where I want things to go: I want to seamlessly use The Pedant’s (or whoever’s) body as a passive, pretty tool to get myself off. If I were a cis man, I’d accomplish this by shoving my cock in his ass until I came. If I were in this body but ten years younger, I’d accomplish it by grinding up on him until I came. Unfortunately, I can’t come these days just from humping someone’s leg/pubic bone/whatever. I physically can’t use a man’s body for my pleasure the way I want to. And I hate that.)

I kept on making out with him for a while, occasionally going full American Psycho with it and admiring my reflection in the mirror as I did so (yeah, it’s narcissistic as fuck, but I’m hot when I’m toppy and it kind of fascinates me. A few years back I did a kinky photo shoot with my then-partner, The Doll, that included a few selfies of me licking his face through his latex hood and yanking his leash and stuff. I usually hate pictures of myself but in these I smouldered. I was lit up from the inside and radiating power and it was mesmerizing even to me). I made eye contact with myself over The Pedant’s furry shoulder and gave myself a congratulatory look. ๐Ÿ˜€

After a while I gently disengaged and said “Please unpack the rest of my things and put them wherever seems most logical. I’ll wait on the bed.” The Pedant did so. He even scoped out where there was an outlet for my Hitachi to plug into, and moved the bed out from the wall with me still on it in order to access the outlet and plug it in. All his manly upper body strength harnessed just for me. Prawr.

When he was done I had him massage my neck and shoulders for a bit. Then I made him stand in front of me so I could peel off his underwear. “I know you wore old ones so I could cut them off you, but that’s better done when you’re restrained. I want to see you naked now,” I said. His breath hitched with arousal. He shimmied the rest of the way out of his boxer briefs and kicked them away. I pulled him down on the bed with me and we kissed some more and then I whispered that I wanted his mouth on me. The Pedant has no idea that The Dandy won’t give me oral – I don’t tell personal things about one partner to another like that – so when The Pedant murmured in my ear “It is such a privilege to go down on you” before crawling down the bed to service me, he was saying it just because he wanted to and not because it was the best thing I could possibly hear from a man at that moment. But it totally was the best thing I could possibly hear from a man at that moment. This is why I love having multiple partners – they each offer different but amazing things.

The Pedant went down on me while massaging my g-spot with his finger(s), and that quickly turned me on enough that I wanted to finish the job with the Hitachi. I don’t know if it was the intensity of my orgasm (which was really good) or the fact that we were alone in a fairly soundproof apartment but I when I came, I wailed like a friggin’ banshee. The Pedant came up and held me while I giggled and shook and fought down my rising tide of post-orgasm violence.

Eventually, once my legs felt like they might work again, I set about securing The Pedant to the bed and playing with him. God, I miss my bed with the dog leashes wrapped around each corner; every time we play these days we have to spend a few minutes rigging up an under-the-bed strap system. This time, I thought I would stray from my usual spread-eagle thing with him – instead I secured just his arms to the bed, and then tried putting dog collars around his thighs and connecting a strap from one of those through the ring on his bondage collar to the other thigh-collar so his knees were trapped up by his chest. I wanted to play with his ass and I wanted him to feel a little helpless and exposed. This configuration…kind of worked. Turns out he’s not that flexible so his knees weren’t anywhere near his chest. He was just kinda…lying there with his knees up and the soles of his feet still planted on the mattress. The bondage didn’t really immobilize him or hold him in a slightly uncomfortable position or even put his asshole much on display. But oh well, worth a shot.

I slipped a gloved, lubed finger inside him and used my other hand to play with his cock. The Pedant is my favourite person to do hand stuff to ever; he gets really turned on, reacts strongly, and doesn’t require a fast, mechanical, repetitive shuffle motion in order to get off. I can be creative. I can slide my hand all over his cock sllllooooowwwwlyyyy. So I did, and he moaned and arched and his eyes rolled back in his head. I brought him to what I’m pretty sure was the edge of orgasm several times, and each time I did, I let go of his cock and just stimulated his ass and nipples for a while. My idea is that maybe by doing that I could kind of bait-and-switch him into having a prostate orgasm, but even if that didn’t work, worst case scenario is he’d have a minute to cool down before I built him up toward orgasm again.

I debated just endlessly edging him and then stopping when it was time to go up to my apartment for dinner (Dandette wanted to meet him), but The Pedant’s orgasms turn me on and I had a feeling he’d still be good for another round by the time dinner was done, so I went ahead and let him come. It was satisfyingly strong, and afterward I had to wait at least five minutes to get my right hand back because every time I tried to withdraw that finger from his ass, he reflexively clenched on it. “Jeez, you’re like one of those Chinese finger traps,” I said, affectionately.

More later.

 

 

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The orgasm talk

I was planning on sitting The Dandy down for a big talk about orgasms and the giving thereof, sometime when we were calm and awake and had a good amount of time. I ended up just quickly touching on the subject last night while we were falling asleep.

I think it came about when I was recounting another part of Dandette’s and my sex convo from yesterday: I told her how submissive men often think that a dominant woman’s power stems from her not having any sort of sex drive, so she can keep a guy aroused and (therefore) obedient/stupid while haughtily laughing at him from on high. In other words, the porny stereotype is that dominant women don’t have any need for orgasms. Dandette said that a lot of dominant men seem to think that submissive women don’t need orgasms! I guess the idea is that a submissive woman is just a dick-receptacle and that fulfills her all on its own, just like I’ve joked previously that The Dandy and The Pedant seem to feel. I actually didn’t realize that this was a common attitude in dominant men, but it doesn’t surprise me.

And I was like “What an interesting coincidence that submissive and dominant women both just happen to never want orgasms. Why, it’s almost as though men are just looking for excuses to be lazy in bed!” and Dandette laughed.

So I told The Dandy about all that convo (making sure to add in some commentary on how ridiculous it is to think a kinky woman wouldn’t get turned on from enacting her kinks and want to get off, AHEM) and then on the spur of the moment I added something like “Oh, speaking of women and pleasure: I would really love it if you offered to get me off sometimes even if we didn’t already have sex. I mean, I’m almost always up for it, even if I haven’t initiated anything. And as I’m sure you’ve noticed, I really like touching you and tasting you and watching you come, so I’ll just…do that, sometimes, out of the blue. I want to feel like you enjoy doing that for me, too, and aren’t just doing it to be polite because I got you off first. …I mean, you do like making me come, don’t you?”

The Dandy smiled and nodded. I’m sure he knew that there was no other answer he could reasonably give if he wanted to get to sleep that night. But for whatever it’s worth I felt like there was no hesitation there. It may have been legit. And he has started to seem more into making me come, lately. He usually focuses enough that the Hitachi doesn’t wander onto my thigh, and he’ll keep going after I come just in case there’s more in the queue.

I’m having a bunch of thoughts and feelings, here, some of which conflict with each other, but here goes:

I wonder whether he’s not in fact lax about giving orgasms in general, but lax with Dandette only? I do kind of tell him to get me off every time we have sex, but perhaps if I didn’t, he still would? I dunno. I know that in the past she’s been critical of his topping skills and I think it’s made him all sexually flinchy and weird, so maybe he’s scared to try to get her off, just in case she says he didn’t do it right (even though he’s managed okay before…). I think the fear makes him overthink and get up in his head and that may be why he kept Hitachi-ing my leg and lower stomach in the early days; he may have been focusing so hard on keeping up the rhythm and motion I wanted that he completely forgot to compensate for drift. Or maybe it was a vicious cycle where he got bored because I was taking a while but I was taking a while because he kept drifting off my clit. Nowadays I’m getting pretty fast, with him. And I think he enjoys the idea that he’s making me all helpless n shit, too. (God, it would be terribly ironic if he doesn’t get Dandette off because she takes a while and/or is very restrained in her reactions (I don’t know if either thing is the case) and it’s boring for him. The other day I gave him a hand job and it ended up taking at least ten minutes and my wrist was fucking killing me and as usual he lay there the whole time like he was composing a grocery list in his head, until his actual orgasm, during which he breathed audibly a few times, and ejaculated, obviously, but that’s it).

If it does turn out that he’s into getting me off more than getting Dandette off, she and I are both probably going to figure that out, and that’ll be awkward. I think she’s mature enough not to blame me for it but still.

I wonder whether my talk with The Dandy will change anything? I somewhat suspect not. The Dandy reminds me of my ex husband, unfortunately, in that I can sit him down and earnestly tell him a thing I need from him and he’ll nod and smile but not do the thing. I wish he (and my ex) had just fucking told me outright “Yeah, I’m not gonna do that” so I could decide how much of a dealbreaker it was for me. But no.

And like, whenever people have relationship problems it seems like the biggest piece of advice is “talk it out!” like the assumption is that the person with the issue is staying completely silent or passive-aggressively hinting and basically expecting the other person to read their mind, and obviously if they’d just start a frank and open discussion, headway could be made. Well what if I fucking am frank and open and the other person makes a show of listening to my needs but then proceeds to ignore them? I did the magic thing that cures all ills – I had the talk – and it did not do anything. So now what? I never see advice columns etc address that. It’s always just “well, mention your concerns!” There might be a script for how to mention the concerns in a tactful way that’s more likely to open the lines of communication than put the other person on the defensive. But that’s the end of the advice; there’s no postscript of “…and if he won’t actually engage in a discussion with you, here’s how to handle that.”

Next time The Dandy tries to initiate sex by taking out his dick and waving it at me, I’m gonna take out my Hitachi and wave it at him and see what he does. Luckily, I am good at noticing body language and figuring out what people want that way, but The Dandy’s habitual lack of Using His Words just irritates the shit out of me and I’ve been making a point lately of ignoring his body language sometimes to see if he’ll break down and say what he wants. This morning I was petting his cock and he got hard. And stayed hard. And didn’t pre-emptively pull the blanket over himself to cover it/block me. I was enjoying his taste and texture for its own sake (and my wrist is still sore from the handjob the other day) so I opted not to proceed to, shall we say, goal-oriented touching. I would have, if he’d asked me for sex or an orgasm. But he didn’t. He just lay there either enjoying my touch for its own sake or silently waiting for me to cut to the chase, I’m not sure. Finally he had to get up and get ready for work so he jumped in the shower. I hope he didn’t jerk off in there. I want him to feel backed up all day. A little lesson in what it feels like to be turned on but not get to come. ๐Ÿ˜€

 

 

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Wow.

I was sexting The Pedant the other day when this happened:

Me: I wish I were using you right now.

Pedant: What have you got in mind?

Me: I have no elaborate plan right now. I just want to have you secured to the bed and be riding you. See how many times I can bring you to the edge and how hard I can make you beg.

Pedant: And, no doubt, if you really had your way, lowering yourself over me bare for the last few moments [he means without a condom], forcing me to come inside you and purring in my ear when it happened.

Me: No forcing. I’d tease you, hover with your cock just…right…there…and not lower my body until you begged for it. More fun, in this instance, to make you lose control than to take it from you. ๐Ÿ˜€

Pedant: You really enjoy being asked and/or begged for things, don’t you?

Me: Especially things you’d previously said you didn’t want. ๐Ÿ˜€ Feels powerful to seduce you into an entirely different opinion.

Pedant: Things like?

Me: Ditching condoms. [When he started dating his other girl, he transferred the fluid-bonding privileges to her. So one presumes he doesn’t want to bareback me anymore, or at least that he was required to choose and he wanted to bareback her MORE]

Pedant: Do you mean when we originally did, or do you mean that I’m thinking of it now? And what else?

Me: Now. The very first time we barebacked, if you’ll recall, you didn’t ask me. [New message] What else? I like that you enjoy anal play now when you were once pretty averse to the idea. I don’t think of myself as having seduced you into that, though, I just gave you the space to think about it and get curious. [New message] The time you offered to suck my favourite silicone toy clean I just about melted. That’s something I never thought I’d see you do, when we were first together. And it. Was. Glorious. [New message] And these weren’t kinks you already had – or if you did, you didn’t throw them at just anyone. Feels like I brought this out in you; that you trusted me with these things. And that makes my heart all fluttery. Or maybe I mean clitoris.

Pedant: Yes, I remember that [facepalm emoticon] [He’s referring to the first-time-barebacking me thing] I am thinking about [barebacking] now. I’ve got good reasons for not going through with it, but the idea of giving myself over to you completely still makes my heart race. [New message] Don’t sell yourself short. You did seduce me into allowing a woman to engage in anal play with me. If it was something I wanted, I wasn’t even aware of it until you suggested it and then gave me the space to think about it enough that I became curious. I don’t think I’d ever have allowed it until you brought it out, and now I love submitting to you that way. I probably wouldn’t have even thought about sucking a woman’s toys clean until you persuaded me to submit to you so completely. I did trust you with those things, but you coaxed me into letting them out in the first place. [New message] So, your heart and clitoris have reason to flutter.

Me: Well, they both are. [heart eyes emoticon]

Pedant: I’m glad to be able to do that for you.

So yeah. I am absolutely gobsmacked that he said these things to me. A few years back he wouldn’t have talked about sex via text message at all, let alone been so completely upfront and vulnerable and verbally affectionate.

And I think he does like submitting to me. Not just bottoming, but submitting*. Which is another thing I never thought I’d get from him.

*I think he also conflates certain activities with submission and this can muddy the waters a bit. But he does enjoy me controlling him and dictating what we do together.

 

 

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