Huh.

I was miffed by the meet-up with TA where she explicitly told me that seeking out strangers to fuck was a higher priority than seeing me, but I figured I’d get over the initial horribleness of hearing that and we’d mellow out into friends who kept in touch via text and saw each other, I dunno, once every month or two.

She’s barely even texted me since then, is the thing.

I just looked at our texting history on my phone to do a quick analysis and yeah…I texted her twice about some random thing in my life I felt like telling her and once to ask how to perform a particular function on Discord, and she gave pleasant but minimal responses each time. That is the sum total of our interactions for the past ten days or so. She never initiated conversation and never extended the conversations I tried to initiate into much of anything. I remember now that I sometimes had memes I wanted to send but I didn’t because her aloofness gave me a vibe that I might just be intruding on her life.

When we had our “exit interview”/how-do-we-convert-this-into-a-friendship meet-up, she told me that she did love watching shows and movies with me while snuggling and she’d still like to do that, just not on a weekly basis like before. And I guess I also assumed that being friends with her would involve semi-frequent texting, still, because it did when we were friends before starting to date. But…no.

And her comparative silence/distance makes me wonder if she’s even more obsessed with banging randos than I’d realized, like she doesn’t have the willpower to even drag her thoughts away from dick long enough to have a real conversation with me. I mean, maybe not, maybe she’s just taking a bit of space to recover from our breakup. I dunno. But the thought that she’s gone mostly quiet because sex addiction is putting me off her pretty hard, hence me not trying harder to talk to her. Like I’m not asking her how she’s doing or sending funny memes or anything. My forays into talking to her were “I managed to get my testosterone prescription refilled in time, after all!”-type stuff for a reason: I wanted to see if she took the opportunity to tell me stuff about her life in return, or not. And she would just reply something like “great!” and that’s it, so.

And I’m fine, actually. Our relationship was great in its heyday but right now, as things stand, I don’t miss her. I miss – and mourn – the heyday of our relationship. Also I’m beginning to realize that our breakup was probably a lot more mutual than I had previously assumed, and that bums me out just on principle. TA and her live-in girlfriend don’t fuck (and haven’t in years) and she still wants to maintain that relationship; I guess I assumed she would with me, too. I know that she doesn’t consider sex necessary to a romantic relationship like I do, and that for her, romantic feelings are very distinct from platonic ones so she knows when someone she’s hanging out with and not-fucking is a friend vs something more. And aside from our sex and kink life tanking (which she said wasn’t an indication of the relationship failing) I didn’t get a sense that there was anything wrong.

But, again, maybe the lure of fucking randos is so strong that it simply supplanted me. The Dandy and I both very much wonder if TA’s gf is getting any dedicated time or attention lately, either; feels like TA’s home is a pit stop where she sleeps, showers, and works on lesson plans between fucks. I hope the gf is doing okay and not feeling neglected. She’s financially dependent on TA and also kind of a doormat so if she, too, is getting spooky sex addiction vibes from TA, I don’t think she’ll be holding any interventions.

tl;dr I’m basically fine in the wake of the breakup but my feelings are hurt.