Just watched this clip posted by the lovely Ferns – a scene from a tv series that has big-time female dominant overtones. And the man Kirsten Dunst is slapping around has exactly the puppyish sort of face that totally fuckin’ melts me. All young and big-eyed and rawwwwwwr.
It’s been a long-ass time since I’ve gotten to play like that with anyone. My urge to do so had in some ways gone dormant from lack of opportunity – it’s like I’d forgotten what it’s like. But this movie scene captures a bunch of things really fucking well for me and all these nostalgic, yearning feelings are crashing into my head.
A few minutes after I finished watching the clip for the second consecutive time, The Dandy wandered into the living room to kinda check in with me/chat for a bit (as he often does) and I told him all of the above and then hesitantly said “Heyyy…I don’t suppose, just for shits and giggles, that you’d be willing to, um. Kneel at my feet for a minute and look up at me with great big eyes?”
I expected him to do his high-pitched Giggle of Awkwardness and not answer me, but no! He said could try but he wasn’t sure his knees could take it.
I picked up a throw pillow from next to me on the couch and tossed it on the floor in front of my feet without breaking eye contact.
And The Dandy maneuvered himself onto his knees on the pillow. Oddly, he sat up on his knees rather than collapsing his legs so his butt was on his heels, which put his head a bit higher than mine as I sat on the couch. “Looking up at you is going to be a problem, since I’m tall,” he said.
“Get down,” I said, like not in a bossy way but just presenting a solution to the problem, and gave the tops of his shoulders a little prod with my fingers. The Dandy reluctantly sank down – “reluctantly” because it hurt his knees a bit, I think, not because he felt super horrified at the idea of “looking submissive” – curiously, I didn’t get a vibe that he was horrified by what I was asking him to do (if he’d been horrified, he wouldn’t have done it…). Although he didn’t make eye contact.
“Look at me,” I told him, and his eyeballs ticked up to meet mine, giving me their blueness full-force and looking extra-huge because I was looking at him from above.
For a long moment I just stared into his eyes and let almost-forgotten feelings of dominance/toppiness wash through me. My breath quickened and I felt like my face was maybe starting to slacken into some ludicrous Tex Avery cartoon parody of horniness, and just as I decided I needed to stop this experiment because I felt way too vulnerable being seen like that, The Dandy said his knees really couldn’t take much more. I immediately helped him up and then stood and gave him a huge hug and a bunch of praise (hoping to motivate him to do things that ring my dom-bells again sometime, just maybe not such knee-intensive things).
I usually feel like The Dandy is not especially interested in doing things that turn me on (or actively feels weird about it). He put on thigh-high socks for me once (a big kink for me), but only after I’d asked him a bunch of times and insisted he stop ignoring me and answer. I’ve told him numerous times that I’d love to see him in just an overcoat (or just an overcoat and knee socks and some shoes – he has a large collection of amazing coats and shoes) and he would just do The Giggle and otherwise ignore that I’d spoken. I’m still kinda reeling from the fact that he knelt for me tonight.