Got to talking about sex with Dandette today and she let it drop that The Dandy hasn’t gotten her off since January. Now, granted they were broken up for a few months since then. But they’ve been back together for, what, two months now? Three? And I know she’s given him blowjobs and they’d had penetrative sex. I kind of assumed that The Dandy made sure to get her off in return, ’cause that’s what polite people do. But apparently he just assumed that giving him an orgasm was the pinnacle of achievement for her as a woman and she couldn’t possibly want anything more. Or something.

Why are so many men like this? Why?!?

Now, granted, she also hasn’t been asking him to get her off; she says she feels presumptuous doing so (I guess because they ostensibly have a dom/sub relationship?). But still. It strikes me as pretty much a no-brainer that if one person initiates sex with another, it’s likely because they themselves want to get off and they’re offering a barter. Or, they really are initiating purely selfishly because they want to be close to their partner and give them pleasure and all that, but chances are all that closeness and moaning and blah blah blah will be a turn-on and all that sexual energy will need a release.

Maybe sex isn’t a turn-on like that for everyone; I get that. But it seems kind of insane for a guy to just assume that his female partner doesn’t want to come during a sexual encounter. Could you even imagine the outrage if a woman habitually rolled over and fell asleep after getting off, leaving her partner hard and dying to come? She’d be regarded as the worst kind of monster.

I’d already been planning on having a talk with The Dandy along the lines of “Hey y’know what would be nice? If you ever, ever initiated getting me off without me having to ask. You know, like I do for you on a regular basis.” Now it strikes me that this talk is even more necessary.

I also told Dandette that I do ask The Dandy to get me off and he’s never actually said no (not during/after sex, anyway. I’ve certainly turned to him while we watched tv or something and declared that I was horny and he did his awkward chuckle thing and just kept on watching the screen). So I don’t think there’s much rejection risk in her asking him, too. I said if she feels like it’s not very sub-like to ask him outright, she could always make a show of begging for it.

I hope things resolve okay between the two of them. This whole thing is giving me vicarious clit pain.


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6 responses to “WTF?!

  1. play


    That kind of thing annoys me so much right now I am tempted to quiz guys on how they go down on a woman before I consider meeting them.*

    I am so tired of this bs.

    *Applicable when I start dating again.

    • My quiz question for guys I might fuck will be: “How will you get me off?”

      Spoilers: any answer other than “I’ll ask you what you want and do it to the best of my ability” is wrong.

      I MIGHT give leeway to someone who happens to describe doing the specific things that do get me off, but then again it seems like any dude who describes a specific technique he’ll use on someone whose body he doesn’t know well is a guy who believes every woman works exactly the same way, and that’s probably gonna bite me in the ass sooner or later.

  2. Brian

    But geeze – isn’t that the whole point? Getting each other off? What’s the incentive for my partner to want to bump uglies the next time if it wasn’t a rewarding experience the last time?

    As a human of the male persuasion, I try to make sure my partner gets off somehow – be it from traditional penetration, oral or digital stimulation – or all three.

    I’d surely encourage the Dandette to at least ask “What about me?” the next time they engage. Just isn’t right that she do without. She may be getting herself off afterward, but that just isn’t the same.

  3. Anonymous

    “Could you even imagine the outrage if a woman habitually rolled over and fell asleep after getting off, leaving her partner hard and dying to come? She’d be regarded as the worst kind of monster.”

    This is bull, and though I’m sure it wasn’t intended to be, it’s mean as well. I was married to a woman like that for years. She’s regarded as strong and liberated, there is no outrage. If you keep dating guys who don’t care about your orgasms, I assure you it’s not guys, it’s some factor in your guy selection process. (As it would be if I had kept dating women like that.)

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