So this is interesting. I think The Dandy has started taking more of an interest in my orgasms.
What I mean is, up until recently he’s seemed willing enough to help me get there when I asked (by “help” I mean “move a dildo in and out of me while I Hitachi’d myself, because the time I tried to teach him to do the Hitachi part he was astoundingly awful at it.”) but he seemed depressingly perfunctory about it. I’d glance over at him during the act and he’d just be staring off into space. He’d frequently move the toy inside me either really fast or barely at all and I’d have to remind him that I wanted a speed that could plausibly be penetrative sex because that’s what I was trying to fantasize about. He’d adopt an appropriate speed but then two minutes later we’d have to have that conversation over again.
A while ago I decided to try to Hitachi-train him again. There were…hiccups in the process. He still had that issue of completely losing track of my clit and ending up wiggling the head of the vibrator around on my inner thigh or lower stomach. I repeatedly bumped it back into place with my hand and even outright told him “You know my clit is in the middle, right?” he said it was difficult to figure out where the Hitachi was landing because the head of it is so big. Fair enough, I guess? But he’s a guy with a fair bit of mechanical aptitude and a good sense of spatial relations so it’s weird that he couldn’t extrapolate that if my clit is there, and the spherical head of the Hitachi is here, then the part making contact with me would be…
I feel like there was something going on besides him actually not knowing where to apply the Hitachi. He told me before that when he used to top Dandette she would tell him afterward (pretty cruelly, it sounded like) that he did it wrong. I think he’s really flinchy about his sexual prowess now, and maybe that was making him overthink everything. Or, maybe it was sheer indifference, because if I glanced at him while he HItachi’d me, once again he’d usually be staring off into the middle distance rather than watching what he was doing or looking at my face.
But he did get better with the Hitachi, and both yesterday and today he got me off with it quite efficiently and he was looking into my face as I came and he didn’t just automatically stop after the first orgasm (as he has before when assisting me with the dildo). Both times he got me off twice and seemed just fine to keep going but I was spent and said it was okay to stop. Today he even took the Hitachi from me automatically. I’d been going to do that part myself but he just swooped in. I like that.
I’m still pretty exasperated with his lack of foreplay and lack of attention when he touches me. And I wish he would initiate giving me orgasms. I initiate with him all the time, and not usually for the purpose of him reciprocating, either. I just flat-out like watching him/hearing him/making him orgasm. That I like it so much that I then need an orgasm or two is incidental – I’m not approaching it like “I wanna get off and I don’t wanna do it myself. I know – I’ll get him off and then he’ll feel obligated to give me a turn!”
It’s just so weird. The Dandy has expressed concern before that he’s boring in bed (I think because he’s not into role play or dirty talk or any other thing that adds a psychological twist to sex), and I’ve now told him at least twice that I’d like more touching from him during sexytimes, and that I wish he would focus on the touching the way I focus when I touch him. But nothing has changed. I still have to ask to be petted. He still just plunks his entire hand onto my back or leg and moves it rapidly and perfunctorily back and forth while staring into space (the touch that gives me skingasms is a light stroking, and I tell him “Lighter, please” every. Single. Time. And he still doesn’t get it). I’ve taken to exaggerating my (already quite extreme) reactions in order to encourage more touching, but it doesn’t seem to have any effect. If, in his ham-handed petting, he passes over a spot that feels particularly good, I’ll make extra-loud ecstatic sounds…but he doesn’t double back. He just keeps moving his hand back and forth in the same absent-minded pattern. I’m explicitly telling him how to blow my mind in bed – telling him with my words and my responses – and he’s not taking advantage. I don’t get it.
Like…it is seriously so easy to light my whole body on fire and melt me into a puddle. Lightly stroke my skin pretty much anywhere, pay attention to which area makes me moan and squirm the hardest, and concentrate your attentions on that area until it’s tapped out and my responses begin to quiet down. Repeat, ad infinitum, with different areas of skin. I will completely lose my mind and become a drugged, writhing, moaning sexbeast for pretty much however long I’m being petted. And then probably at some point I’ll want an orgasm, which is pretty super easy to accomplish as long as your stimulation is reliable and consistent.
Do those things and I will shudder and cry and laugh and gaze up at you like you’re a god.
I feel like I have so much sexual potential and it’s largely going to waste.
The main reason I haven’t sat The Dandy down about this yet again – and maybe started raising my voice this time – is that he does pet me to sleep. I only told him once that I liked this, and now he does it unbidden pretty much any night that we go to bed at the same time. And yeah, his touch is still absent-minded and overly heavy, but still: he’s touching me because he knows I like it. I assume he’d rather just go right to sleep but he does that instead. And he’ll keep it up for like ten minutes or more. And I feel so loved that my heart might actually burst.
Being petted to sleep is more important to me than being petted to stir my libido for sex, so if The Dandy only has a limited capacity for touching me, well, I don’t want to yoink that away from the sleep-pets. So I’m leaving well enough alone. For now.