After sex the other day I asked The Dandy what kind of dirty talk turned him on. He said he didn’t know. My observation has been that most of the time he knows his sexual interests perfectly well but just feels embarrassed to talk about them, so I gently tried harder to tease out some info.
What The Dandy finally said was that he’s entirely visual – words just don’t do anything for him. I said that surely if I described a hot situation to him, that would do something, no? He said no, words don’t make pictures in his brain.
“How do you read?” I asked him. He said he knows what descriptive words mean, so he grasps what’s going on in a book, he just doesn’t imagine what anything looks like. I can’t get my head around that at all. The Dandy is not just a reader, but a reader of fantasy novels. What the fuck is even the point of reading a fantasy novel (or any kind of novel!) if it doesn’t make a cool little movie in your brain?
I told him about a Facebook post I saw recently in which an adult man whose brain simply doesn’t make images realizes for the first time that pretty much everyone else’s brain does – that when people say “Picture this” or “imagine, in your mind’s eye…” that it’s not just a whimsical figure of speech. “So do you jerk off to photos or porn every single time?” I asked.
“Well, either that or I just imagine things in my head.”
“So you can picture things.”
“Yeah, it’s just that words don’t trigger it. I can’t hear or read a thing and picture the thing.”
“So if I say ‘picture a balloon animal,’ even though you know what one is and what it looks like, you can’t see it in your mind?”
Okay…I’m not a neurologist, nor do I claim that every human experiences things just like I do, but this…kinda sounds like bullshit. Or he’s explaining it weird or I’m not getting it. If he’s capable of imagining things entirely in his mind and “seeing” them, why couldn’t he imagine a balloon animal if I told him to? Like even if the phrase “balloon animal” didn’t automatically trigger a picture, for him, shouldn’t he at least be able to tell himself to imagine one and then do it? Like, what even is this?
Also, though, I feel like I’ve just lost one of my biggest sexual superpowers. My trash talk and dirty talk skills are legendary but on him, they do nothing. Add to this that he has no erogenous zones for me to expertly tease and play with and yeah, that’s my whole skill set out the window. Fawwwwwwwk.
On a side note, for a self-proclaimed “visual person” he barely looks at me during sex. I, conversely, eye-fuck him constantly and have gotten myself off while staring at his dick (actually forcing myself to casually glance away from time to time so I didn’t look totally creepy and fixated). And yet at one point during the above convo he still tried to tell me that my connection with dirty talk is due to me being a chick and therefore not as visual as guys are. Pfffft.