Poly problems

I’ve been wanting to fuck The Dandy since last night. But he’d just gotten home from work and Dandette had just woken from a long nap and I feel like she wanted to spend some time with him and it would be rude for me to drag him into the bedroom and shut her out. Plus I guess I just feel awkward having sex with him while she’s home, anyway. She seems to make a point of mentioning “I had a thing I wanted to say to you but, nope, couldn’t, you were having sex” every single time our door is closed for any amount of time (the kicker is, usually we weren’t having sex).

And then we got distracted by having dinner and whatnot, and then Dandette went to bed early and an hour or two later I thought, “here’s my chance; she’s probably unconscious by now and even if she’s not, she’s in her room with the door shut so if I fuck The Dandy I won’t look like I’m hogging his attention or excluding her or anything.” I asked The Dandy if he wanted to go to bed soon (it was like 2am by then) and indicated that I’d like to fuck him. He took a while winding up whatever he was doing on the internet and then we fell asleep weirdly fast and still didn’t fuck.

The next morning I woke up to an empty bed (well, empty of The Dandy. I had many assorted animals cuddling with me). I assumed he’d woken up before me and was in the living room or something. But then Dandette came out of her room and was like “When did I acquire a Dandy?” – turns out I’d been hogging the bed and wouldn’t move so he switched rooms.

Dandette told me that at one point she looked over and he was fast asleep sprawled out naked with an erection. The Dandy, btw, has an erection that sticks straight up when he’s lying on his back. I knew this was possible from pics on the internet but no guy I’ve been with was structured like that; their dicks always lay along their stomachs. The Dandy’s straight-up cock is inviting as hell and if I’d woken up to that, I would absolutely have climbed onto it (I’ve asked him if that would be okay before and he said yes). Just hearing Dandette describe it whetted my appetite even more.

Just then, The Dandy came staggering sleepily out of Dandette’s room and he was still hard. We all had a giggle at that. The Dandy peed (somehow) and came into our room and we snuggled on the bed (and he was still hard). We offered for Dandette to come join the cuddle puddle and she said yes but first she would go out for a smoke.

So she left and I kept cuddling The Dandy and a full five minutes later I glanced up from where my head was buried in his shoulder and he was still hard. Just…sticking straight up. Invitingly.

“Dammit, I wanna fuck you,” I said.

“So why don’t you?”

“Feels rude to invite Dandette to come cuddle and then she comes back to the door closed in her face.”


Dandette’s smoke breaks vary wildly in length. I think she gets chatty with people down there sometimes. I put my head back in the crook of The Dandy’s shoulder and waited for her to return. Five minutes later she still wasn’t back and he was still hard. Five minutes after that she still wasn’t back and he was still hard. And we totally could have fucked in that time, dammit!

When she did get back, she didn’t come join us like she said. She puttered around in the kitchen. The Dandy even loudly said “it looks like we lost a Dandette” and she didn’t take the hint. I still felt like it would be rude to close the door on her, and if I was like “Look are you coming in for snuggles or not ’cause if you’re not I wanna fuck The Dandy” she obviously would have felt unwanted and it probably would have been a whole big thing.

I waited.

The Dandy was still hard.

Finally I said “Okay, so here’s what we do: you go in there and give Dandette the right of first refusal” – I gestured at his erection – “and if she doesn’t want to make use of this, I will.” I figured that was the only way I could possibly have sex with him at that juncture and not feel too awkward about it. I mean obviously Dandette might claim his dick first, but if she didn’t, I’d be able to enjoy it without feeling like I was taking anything away from her.

The Dandy nodded and left the room (still hilariously a-prong). I heard their voices but not what they were saying. Then they both came back down the hallway and were standing outside Dandette’s room bantering. “Ah,” I thought, “I guess she wants to fuck him. Fair enough.”

They bantered a bit more and then The Dandy said “Okay well this is awkward but…” and gently started pushing her into the bedroom. Dandette made a sound of surprised realization and that’s when I remembered: The Dandy doesn’t use his fucking words. What I’d said was that he should go to her and basically say “I’m super hard, wanna make use of it or shall I give it to Cowgirl?” but of course what he actually did was just stand in front of her and gesture at his erection (I confirmed this with Dandette later). And Dandette thought he was just benignly (and silently) commenting, “can you even believe how long this morning wood is lasting?” and only when The Dandy pushed her bedroom-ward did she realize he’d been trying to make a sexual overture.

I’m annoyed that things worked out that way, though. I mean I guess The Dandy realized shit wasn’t working out according to plan (BECAUSE HE DOESN’T USE HIS WORDS GODDAMMIT) and that was the only way to salvage the situation, but it peeves me pretty deeply that he knew I’d been wanting to bang him for the past day or two and instead he fucked Dandette, who I assume hadn’t even been in a randy mood (otherwise surely she would have grabbed that lovely, ridiculous morning wood and hauled him to bed herself).

Humph. 😦

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