I have The Dandy to myself for a couple of days while Dandette remains at her parents’ place. Last night I talked to him some more about Dandette and the situation with her being off her meds and everything. Looks like her anxiety made her too scared to call the doctor for an appointment to get a new prescription and she was too embarrassed to tell us. An appointment has been made for when she gets back, though.
One thing that’s been plaguing me in all this is that I haven’t known Dandette all that long so from my point of view, she was awesome when I first moved in and that lasted for about a month and then she was moody and terrible for about a month and that brings us up to now. So like…what’s even real? Did she love me in the beginning, as she claimed, and then her mental health went downhill and fucked things up but those initial feelings will come back? Or was she faking the love in order to make The Dandy happy and ensure her continued spot in our household, but once I’d settled in, she didn’t bother keeping up the charade anymore? Like, how do I even know if she was faking the affection she claimed to feel for me?
“You can’t know,” The Dandy said.
I rolled my eyes, buried my head in the crook of his neck, and said “Good pep talk; thanks.”
“Well, okay, so what would you need from her in order to feel like she genuinely loves you?” he asked. Wow, lookit him with the hard-hitting questions! Gettin’ right to the heart of the issue.
I thought about it and finally said “Well, my love languages are touch and acts of service – especially someone feeding me – so if Dandette would bring back all the hugs and home-cooked meals, I would feel loved and therefore love her in return. Because apparently I am a kitty. Except I realize that’s not even logical, it’s not a valid way to measure if she really does love me, it’s just me getting the right buttons pressed. Honestly, I think a person could give me some food and hug me while saying ‘I don’t even like you very much’ and I’d still feel loved. Like, the person’s headspace doesn’t even matter, as long as they’re doing the things.”
The Dandy laughed and said “You really are a cat!” and here he imitated the thing we both do of saying mean things to the cats in a sweet voice, and they way they respond to the tone and not the content: “”You’re so fat and dumb. Oh yes you are. Yes you are.’ ‘Purr purr purr!'” I hadn’t made that connection before but it’s apt and it’s hilarious.
But we kept on discussing shit and it turns out Dandette has withdrawn her affection pretty hard from The Dandy, too, which I totally didn’t notice*. He’s less intimidated by her mood swings than I am, so he doesn’t go out of his way to avoid her like I do; thus they have more contact than she and I have. But it’s not good contact, as I’d been assuming; she’s just as prickly and unpredictable with him as with me. Which is sad, obviously, but also comforting. The Dandy says he’s really very sure that the issues we’re having are entirely to do with her being unmedicated, and that things will get back on track after she’s seen the doctor. Yay.
*I’m still a bit weird and jealous over this whole sharing thing and it’s tempting to watch them like a hawk and make some kind of scorecard of what he gives her vs what he gives me, but THAT WOULD BE CRAZYPANTS, so I’ve gone in the other direction instead and willfully ignored/glossed over their moments of affection, if any).