Math fail?

The Dandy and I were talking about penis size the other night for whatever reason and he said that the last time he measured himself, he was seven inches or seven-and-a-half or something like that.

I almost blurted out “Pffffffffft! Where were you measuring from?!?” but I managed to restrain myself. I did give off palpable vibes of surprise, though, because The Dandy’s size looks dead average to me at most (average is 4″-6″ and is my favourite. I’ve been very vocal about that preference and very vocal about The Dandy being the perfect size for me). Then a thought occurred: “Were you thinner than now at the time that you measured?” The Dandy said that he was. “Ah, then some of that length may be taken up by this, now” I said, affectionately touching his lower belly. I’ve heard that a guy’s weight can make a difference to how long his dick is. Or how long it looks or how much of it is on the outside or whatever.

But that still doesn’t really make sense to me. If some of his dick-length was just subsumed in fat, any time he thrust into me hard, the fat around the base would compress and that extra, hidden dick-length would end up inside me and he’d probably nail me in the cervix. He’s never hit bottom on me and though I’ve never made a concerted effort to mash down his lower-abdomen fat with my hand, I’ve given him plenty of hand jobs and played with his dick a million times and I am not sensing a bunch of hidden shaft.

Our conversation segued into me giving him a hand job and I surreptitiously measured his erection against my index finger. My index finger is about three inches long. The Dandy’s cock was only a fraction longer than my finger. Budgeting in some extra room if you tamp down his fat, I’d guess him to be maybe four inches.

So how on Earth did he ever arrive at the idea that he’s 7.5″? Did he measure from his asshole? Did he lie to me in a very weird attempt to impress me (me, the one who loves average-size dicks almost to the point of fetishism and who has seen his erect penis hundreds of times)? Was he looking at the centimetres instead of the inches by accident? I just don’t get it. He seems to know that his penis isn’t huge (and is fine with that). So…maybe he just doesn’t know how big average is, and he believes he’s 7.5″ and that this is kinda small?

It’s all very strange. And I didn’t feel like I could ask him about the discrepancy without sounding as if I were shaming him or trying to humiliate him. You could ask a guy how he managed to mis-measure a shelf he was hanging but you can’t ask him how he managed to mis-measure his dick (by like almost fifty percent!!!) without there being a bunch of cultural baggage attached.


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10 responses to “Math fail?

  1. Leah

    Haha in those situations I just playfully get all like “Oh yeah?? What day we measure just for fun?!” 😂 Like this guy I was seeing said he thought he was 10 inches and I was like “That sounds unreasonable but would be awesome, why not measure to tell for sure?” So he measured and sent a pic… exactly 7″ on the dot, no shame. Lol.

  2. Fat on the pelvis can soak up roughly ~1″ of visible length quite easily, especially if genetics carry that type of disposition. That being said, measuring along the bottom starting at the base of the scrotum will take that out of play.

    Unfortunately the “Wishful Thinking” brand of rulers and tape measures have been known to be off when it comes to accurate scaling 🙂

  3. I accepted a long time ago that my dick was a lot less than the 6 1/2 inches I thought it to be. Maybe when I got that measurement, I was drunk. In reality, on a good day, fully erect, I’m closer to 5 1/2. And my wife says it is the most perfect dick ever.

    Whenever I read an account of someone’s sex story and they casually throw in that the guy has a 10 inch dick, I just have to wonder, do they know how big that is? Like, with a ruler, measuring it out? I don’t doubt the existence of 10, or even 11 or even 12. I heard about a guy unfortunate enough to have 13 inches. Purely useless if he plans to screw a normal woman. But really, the average person is not encountering that massive thing as often as sex stories on the Internet would have us believe.

    • 5.5″ sure sounds perfect to ME.

      And yes! People really seem to have no idea what different dick measurements look like (perhaps because a lot of guys lie, perhaps because our fucked-up culture gives people a specific idea that a “big dick” is eight or ten inches so when we see a dick that looks big we assume its size. I dunno).

      TBH even six inches seems ludicrously huge. I mean I’ve planted one end of a ruler against my crotch and I feel that six inches is just a ridiculous amount of dick to be hanging off a person. It would probably look pretty big on any guy who had a reasonably slim build and wasn’t unusually tall.

      Porn star James Deen is said to have a ten-incher and I saw a clip of his and thought “…No. It’s big, but not circus-freak big. I do not think it’s ten inches.” Guess what? The site I buy my sex toys from has some dildos molded from porn stars. The site also shows the MEASUREMENTS of all its insertable toys, and they do the measuring themselves. The James Deen dick was seven-something inches long.

      • exa

        Keep in mind that some dicks are a lot shorter when soft than hard, so fortunately having a 6″ one, doesn’t necessarily mean ever having that much hanging down, it might just be 4″ most of the time.

        Of course that doesn’t work as an explanation here, because it’s the wrong way around :). It sounds to me like he used a 12″ ruler and measured from the wrong end of it, getting 7.5 instead of 4.5.

  4. guys i’ve seen usually wind up measuring from where they feel like their dick meets their balls (on the underside), which gives lots of room for measuring nutsack (especially given that lots of dudes will have to hold their dick upwards in order to measure from that angle.

    • I suspected as much. And I can see guys doing that in order to purposely inflate their measurement, but I’m pretty sure most people know that the “standard” (and indeed most sensible way) to measure is along the top. And The Dandy doesn’t strike me as dick-obsessed or a liar so this big measurement discrepancy is weird.

      Good thing he never bragged about his “seven and a half” inch cock early on or I might have dismissed him as a potential partner without ever getting his clothes off.

  5. Moz in Oz

    Remember that the only way to measure a penis is using a fisherman’s ruler. The ones where an “inch” is about a centimetre long 🙂

    It never occurred to me to measure on the underside, that wouldn’t make sense – the shaft extends almost to the perineum, just as women’s erectile tissue does. So if the “average member” is about 6″ the average penis would look more like a fat clit, and most of the length would be inside. That … would be an alternative fact.

  6. Pingback: hiding in plain sight

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