So yeah.

The plan, now, is for me to live with The Dandy and Dandette permanently (not “until I find a place”) and we’ll move into a 3-bedroom (or a penthouse, which is a 3-bedroom on steroids) in this same building once it becomes available.

I feel pretty okay with this. Even just the regular, non-penthouse 3-bedrooms here are quite large, and have two full bathrooms (the penthouses have 3.5(!)). There’s a master bedroom at one end with its own bathroom and two slightly smaller bedrooms at the other end that share a bathroom. When we were looking at the floor plan, Dandette said “dibs on the master bedroom,” which irritated me a bit because The Dandy will be heavily subsidizing her portion of the rent if not paying it outright so I think he deserves that room. BUT, it’s only a little bigger than the other bedrooms, and TBH I’d way rather be situated next to The Dandy with Dandette a healthy amount of sound insulation away. πŸ˜›

Yeah, it still annoys me that The Dandy is supporting Dandette. But I’m pretty sure he’d support me, too, if it came down to it. In fact I think he assumed he WOULD support me once I moved in and was pleasantly surprised when I offered him rent. Also I made it clear to him that I’m happy to pay my fair share but will not be subsidizing Dandette at any point – that was his choice for her to have a free ride, not mine. He understands.

Y’know what’s funny? The Pedant has dreamed forever of being in a triad with two women, one of whom stays home and does housework, and I seem to have fallen into a similar thing entirely without trying. I mean, okay, Dandette isn’t fucking The Dandy or I. But she doesn’t really work these days and has decided to compensate for this by doing all the cooking and grocery shopping, and we’re developing somewhat of a domestic routine in a way that (I guess? I don’t know) regular roommates don’t. There’s usually a communal dinner, for instance.

I love that The Dandy and Dandette are both proficient at cooking, because I am not (and indeed I hate cooking with a fiery passion). When we first talked about me moving in, I volunteered to be the cleaner of the kitchen in exchange for them making dinner. I know it hasn’t even been a week yet but so far this is working out REALLY well. It sounds as though the two of them each have resentments about the other not cleaning the kitchen; she says it’s been wonderful to cook and not have to clean up, and he says that when the kitchen is messy he can’t even bring himself to cook in the first place so my cleaning efforts will make him much more likely to cook things. My evil plan is working! MUAH-HA-HA-HA!

And, I mean, here’s the thing: THERE’S A DISHWASHER HERE. I think they’re used to it and take it for granted. For me it’s a tremendous novelty. YOU GUYS, there can be dirty dishes all the fuck over the place and I can have them all dealt with in ten minutes by putting them in the magic box! At my old place, the same amount of dishes would be a friggin’ hour-long odyssey and afterward they’d be cluttering up the counter still as they sat in the drainer to dry! It takes comparatively little work, here, to make a huge difference in how the kitchen looks, and so far I find this tremendously satisfying. And my 10-15 minutes of work thrills The Dandy and Dandette all out of proportion. Yay!

When Dandette first invited me to live here, I secretly questioned her motives. I was afraid it was a “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” thing. But my gut isn’t sensing malice. I think a LOT of her issues before were due to anxiety, and her meds are helping. Not that I believe she’s being entirely altruistic, either; probably she invited me, in large part, in order to ingratiate herself to The Dandy. Like, perhaps she sensed that her position might be becoming unstable; here I am, in need of a place to live and willing to pay my way, while The Dandy – who loves me – has a perfectly good second bedroom occupied by someone who DOESN’T pay for anything. And so I suspect Dandette figured it was in her best interest to bring me into the fold so that The Dandy pays less rent and doesn’t think about displacing her. Or maybe I’m just cynical.

But I think there’s a tiny drop of genuine altruism in there, too. Dandette has anxiety, same as me; she’s freaked out by a lot of the same things as me. So she empathizes with all my Harpy woes. She couldn’t have dealt with that shit, either.

…Hmm. I was about to say that Dandette seems to be doing a lot less territorial pissing when I’m around than she used to (she used to take pains, for instance, to bring up her history with The Dandy around me, as if to say “I had him first.”) but I forgot that she’s made interminable references to not being able to be naked around the house anymore now that I’m here; I guess when I told The Dandy to establish some boundaries around the apartment nudity, he only stopped being naked, himself, and didn’t ask HER to put clothes on. Just now she came in to announce that the hardest part of me living here now is that she has to close the bathroom door all the way. And she came up and hugged The Dandy as he sat at his computer, and when he reacted with puzzlement she said “What? I felt like shoving my boobs in your face. You didn’t think that was gonna stop just because Cowgirl is here, did you?” I had not been under the impression that they were particularly physically affectionate, normally; now I’m wondering if they are, or if she’s just messing with my head.

So this should be interesting.

Also, she’s super into picking on The Dandy and inciting me to join in. I can understand this; she’s trying to establish an us-against-him relationship to kind of counterbalance the exclusion she feels from me dating The Dandy now and her not. And I DO join in on these tag-team verbal Dandy-beatings, I admit. It’s the easiest way to bond with her.

When the two of us are teasing The Dandy he gets the oddest expression, like he’s embarrassed and turned on at the same time. Maybe I’m reading it wrong and he’s actually just embarrassed but unable to tell us to stop (remember, he has a hard time saying no or drawing boundaries; he tends to go all quiet and awkward instead). But it wouldn’t surprise me much if it WAS titillation I was seeing. It strikes me that the Dandy may continue putting a roof over Dandette’s head not IN SPITE OF her being clingy etc with him, but BECAUSE of. I think he likes the attention. And I think now on some level he feels like he has a harem, and he digs it.

Boy, I hope we can figure out how to all get along with a minimum of drama. There’s a spark of something good brewing here, maybe; there’s a chance that we could make a weird but reasonably functional little family unit. But there’s also a lot of potential for drama and bullshit.


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3 responses to “So yeah.

  1. play

    That sounds possibly very cool.

    And this is probably the last thing you want to hear, buuuuut also sounds like a situation where I would feel the need to watch my back and have/work on/talk about backup plans. Like, what if Dandette’s meds stop being fully effective? What if she starts doing weird shit again? Where ‘what’ = what would you do, what would the Dandy do, and if someone has to move out, at possibly short notice, how would y’all handle that? Can you talk about that openly? Agree on this somehow and possibly put it in writing (because memories can be willful even without malintent and diverge in mysterious ways)?

    Like, emergency-move-out fund? (I don’t have such a thing myself atm, but things like that soooooo useful if you can pull them off.)

    /partypooper out

    • With how little I’ll be paying (in their current 2-bdrm) I’ll be able to save up an emergency fund. I don’t really feel like I can talk to Dandette about “heyyyy so remember the suicide cake? That was fucked up. Let’s talk about what happens if you do that again.”

      Right now my plan is that if Dandette goes weird I’ll spend all my time in the bedroom with the door closed. πŸ˜› I suppose I should actually talk to The Dandy about all of this, though.

      Also though, Dandette is getting to know me better and trusting me more. As an anxious person myself, I know that she still might distrust me some if the meds stop working; anxiety makes you doubt EVERYTHING. But it won’t erase everything. The bond will be there.

    • Btw in my previous post where the content didn’t show up, I specifically asked for advice on how to mitigate potential Dandette problems, so poop away. πŸ™‚

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