Last night The Dandy got off on a huge technical tangent, as he is wont to do. I generally like these. This one was triggered by me putting away his clean silverware from the dishwasher – I noticed the drawer had some sporks in it made of metal(!) and I commented on it. I associate sporks with fast food trash so it was weird to see a durable, for-keeps version. The Dandy started giving a dissertation on the differencecs between titanium and steel, and why titanium would be the best material for a spork.

I listened for a while, and then I was like “okay wait are you saying ‘CUTTLE-ry’?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because the word is CUTLERY.”

“Well, whatever,” The Dandy said, embarassed, and launched into more talk about metals.

I wouldn’t have been quite so mean about it but I’ve noticed that The Dandy has atendency to assume he knows more than me about EVERYTHING and it’s annoying. I like that he’s smart. I like that he enjoys teaching me things. But sometimes he’ll start trying to teach me a thing I already know, and no matter how much I say “yes, I know that,” and nod vigorously and finish his sentences, he won’t stop. Like I’ve had to actually tell him “this is not a thing I need to be taught; stop talking now.”

One particularly annoying and mansplainey incident: the other night I said “hey, if someone’s foresight gets cut off, is it called a circumspection?” This was a joke. Wordplay. Ha ha.

The Dandy appeared to get the joke; at any rate, he chuckled. But then he said “circumspection actually means ‘looking around.'”

“Yes,” I said, puzzled at him explaining the meaning of a word I’d just used. “Same root as ‘circle’ and ‘circumference.’ And as ‘circumcision,’ hence the joke.”

“‘Circumcision’ literally means ‘to cut around,'” The Dandy added helpfully. In retrospect it’s hard not to reimagine this in a Ralph Wiggum voice. It’s just so random.

“YES, ‘circum’ as in ‘around’ and ‘cision’ like ‘incision’ or ‘incisive’ or ‘incisor’ or – bitch, I took Latin in high school. Don’t fuck with me.”

And he finally got the hint and shut up.

But now I’m wondering if he didn’t realize I was even making a joke – if he thought his charmingly dense girlfriend ACTUALLY thought “circumspection” might mean chopping something off – and he chuckled at the silly, silly thoughts my girlbrain came up with and then gently attempted to explain what the words really meant. Like, WTF.

Another time I wondered if he could write me a computer program for letting horny dudes on the internet transfer money to me (the existing ones I’ve looked into either don’t keep my personal info anonymous enough, won’t allow sex workers to use their services, or are for Americans only). So I asked if he had any experience making e-commerce software and he said “like an online shopping cart?” I said no, and explained what I wanted. He said he’d never done something like that and had never worked in e-commerce before but incidentally “e-commerce” just means online stores or online shopping carts and that’s it. I said no it doesn’t and he argued with me until I rather loudly informed him that my ex-husband was a high-level manager at an e-commerce company and what they made was software for sending invoices and money securely online so The Dandy needed to not fight me on this. And finally (finally!) he shut up.

Oh also this morning on the bus (I’d slept over at his place and he was going to work, me home) we passed through one of my target neighbourhoods where I’m seeking apartments. The neighbourhood is also near a college where I’ve posed many times. I told The Dandy how I’d read somewhere that the neighbourhood of [college] was one of the safest in the city but the next time I was working there I didn’t see any apartment buildings anywhere so I gave up (not realizing that there’s a HUGE cluster of buildings a block or two up) so good thing The Dandy told me to go more north in my quest.

“[College] is right over there,” The Dandy said, pointing as the bus passed it (and again my mind’s ear hears this in Ralph Wiggum’s voice).

“Yes, I know; I work there.”

It’s so depressing. Even the good, generally feminist guys like The Dandy pull this shit. I have no patience for it anymore.


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5 responses to “Ugh.

  1. Brian

    Ask him to pronounce “Chipotle” If he says it chipoltay please scream for me.

    And I liked your pun on foresight. The fact that the dandy completely missed that it was a joke may indicate he is suffering from a cranial-rectal inversion. (Has his head up his ass) Can’t see the fun part because his need for literal accuracy gets in the way.

  2. irrelevant

    ew, those do sound awful. 😦

  3. play

    Yeah, I am counting not much on proclaimed feminism in men anymore. More like “does this dude notice and respect boundaries? Is he able to listen & takes me seriously? Is he able to talk about his feelings?” Etc.

    Also, the not saying no would drive me mad. My ex was similar and it just undermines so many things, especially trust & feeling wanted.

    • I intend to address this with him directly, but, um…not until I’ve found an apartment and am on my feet again.

      Because for the time being I need his help and would it just figure that if I taught him to figure out and enforce his boundaries he’d turn around and go “Yeeeeah I don’t wanna be your guarantor for a new apartment and I don’t wanna take care of your cats anymore.”

  4. Orange Joe

    That’s some grade A mansplaning right there?! Ask him if Wolverines foreskin grows back?

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