The Pedant returned wearing just boxer-briefs and clambered up onto the bed. I still wasn’t sure if we were just platonic or what (he’d called his relationship full-time but also said they were poly, so was he available or not? Into me or not?) but either way I hoped we could snuggle instead of sleeping on separate sides of the bed.
Once The Pedant lay down next to me he put out his arm for me to cuddle up to him with my head on his chest. Yay.
After a few minutes of us lying like that, his fingers found the strip of exposed skin between my tank top and sweatpants and began caressing it. This felt nice. I moaned appreciatively. I ran my hand up and down his arm affectionately and he made an unmistakeable sex-gasp. But just because my touch turned him on didn’t (I surmised) mean hewas necessarily up for sex. His pettings seemed somewhat ambiguous in flavour. I kept my touches sort of neutral, waiting for him to do something that definitely indicated consent to sexytimes.
He kept on stroking my lower back. I kept on gently moving my hand up and down on his arm. I could feel his heart pounding wildly against my face.
His caresses turned into a very nice and much-needed back massage. After a while he asked “would you like me to get your other shoulder?” and I nodded and rolled over. He squeezed the tension out of that shoulder and then even moved his attentions down my back and legs to my feeet and back up again, and I writhed and tried hard to suppress my happy-sounds so the harpy wouldn’t bang on her ceiling. She either didn’t hear us or doesn’t consider those types of sounds offensive (ha! Yeah, right) so no knocking.
The Pedant crawled back up and resumed his position on his back with one arm around me and my head on his chest. “Feeling better?” he whispered.
“I always feel better when you’re next to me” I whispered back, and it’s true: once our relationship was somewhat established (so I wasn’t angsty about what we even were) I always felt so good wrapped up in his arms. He’s the best person ever at talking me down from anxiety and our bodies fit together well.
The Pedant began caressing me again and for a long time I petted him back in sort of neutral places, positioning my mouth near his in case he should decide to break our stalemate by kissing me. He did not and his gasps and moans from me petting his arms and stomach were turning me on so finally I made my way to his nipples. He didn’t stop me. I had him thrashing and moaning for who knows how long (and we did eventually kiss, or rather I went to kiss him and he flopped his mouth open passively the way he does). When I finally touched his cock it was only half-hard, which I completely expected; he has a history of erectile dysfunction when he’s not sure where we stand.
I had to get up and pee anyway and when I came back I turned away from him, pulled his arm over me so we were spooning, and went to sleep. He didn’t object.
Long story short, the next morning I did fuck him (after some initial waffling between wanting to stay in bed with him yet wanting to start on the apartment chores). I assumed that he and his girl are fluid bonded by now, and I used a condom. He didn’t tell me not to and this gave me a bit of a pang.
His erection worked fine and the condom didn’t seem to hinder his enjoyment any. After a few minutes of me riding him he murmured “do you want me to come for you?” and I said that I did and he erupted into fireworks. I didn’t expect his orgasm to affect me – I don’t feel that close to him anymore – but it totally jumped across into my brain and made me growl and shudder. And then I wanted an orgasm of my own, and he helped.
Afterwards he said “We can’t make this a regular thing. NewGirl and I are poly on paper but in reality we spend about ninety percent of our free time together. She’s my priority, plus finding a second girl for us to date.” Oh yeah that’s the thing about The Pedant, he’s a unicorn hunter. His big dream is to be in an FMF triad, god knows why. I suspect one reason we’re not together anymore is that I’m not bi and he considers that a strike against me as far as long-term comptibility goes. Because yeah, just like with the last chick he really liked, he’s suddenly super keen to move in with her and talking all the time about “finding them another girl” in the most irritating objectifying unicorn-hunter way ever.
And like…I’m willing to fuck a guy who prioritizes another partner more highly than me, if the sex is good enough. But it irritates the living shit out of me that The Pedant puts not just NewGirl ahead of me, but also some generic idea of a second chick whom he hasn’t even met yet! And what is WITH these unicorn hunters who are SO focused on finding someone? Is their pre existing relationship not quite fulfilling enough and they think adding a third person will fix it? Are they just so excited to have a living sex toy to play with and bring them closer together that they can’t wait for something to happen organically? I have no problem with triads per se but it seems like it would be almost impossible to make one happen on purpose.
Anyway, I’d already guessed that The Pedant didn’t want to date me again per se (because he’d been blathering on and on about NewGirl and her Long Term Potential in exactly the same way he had about OtherGirl a few years back, and that had been a preface to telling me he didn’t have time for me anymore) but christ, imagine if I hadn’t seen this coming and had gotten my hopes up?! ONCE AGAIN (as with OtherGirl), The Pedant had sex with me and didn’t tell me what it meant til after. I lambasted him for that a little bit just on principle but I did tell him I kinda already knew the score.
So we agreed that we’re friends, not partners, because The Pedant will be focusing most of his time and attention on NewGirl and their irritatingly stereotypical unicorn hunt. But he did make it clear that anytime we do hang out, he’ll probably be down to fuck. I appreciate that clarity.
And then we discussed what needed doing around the apartment and I left for work and he prepped my kitchen for painting.
And I can’t help thinking that he’s being stupid – that he belongs with ME. Maybe he belongs with NewGirl, too. But he has claimed to love me, he seems to derive great fulfillment from helping me through my anxiety, and he can’t really seem to be around me without fucking me, so…
…And on my side, I adore the parts of his personality that past girlfriends specifically hated and dumped him over. He’s too stupid to see or believe it, but it’s true. With both OtherGirl and NewGirl he raved excitedly to me about how they really “got” him and he didn’t run into the pitfalls with them that he has with most other women (AHEM, what am I, chopped liver?). It’s worth noting that OtherGirl broke up with him just months after his dreamy soliloquy about how great they were together and how she’s socially weird in all the same ways as him – and she broke up with him basically over his weird social skills and rampant insensitivity, just like everyone else. He’s not a great judge of these things.
And it’s so weird to me how fast (with both these other chicks but not me) he jumped to wanting to cohabitate. He’s always insisted that he needs tons of alone time and blah blah blah. Maybe he’s just desperately looking for a set of human “training wheels” to get him out of his parents’ house and living on his own without REALLY living on his own? For a long time now I’ve suspected that he stays living with his parents because he’s scared of being completely independent. I’m a far messier person than him, so he wouldn’t want to live with ME. But yeah.
I guess I’m frustrated because The Pedant is SO CLOSE to being a great partner for me, but will never quite get there – and a big part of that is that he simply doesn’t see how good things were with us. I feel like he has an idea in his head of the ideal girlfriend (an idea that may or may not actually work for him) and his ideal doesn’t look like me, so he overlooks what we have/had. Plus he keeps assuming that I’m gonna react to things like his exes have, when I’ve told him a thousand times that I’m not them.