Sigh.

So, this happened:

New boy (today, the same day he was supposed to come over):

All right, unpleasant conversation: I think I’ve more or less proven that I really like you and that I’ve been looking forward to today. I don’t like to cancel plans, especially at the last minute, and especially where I feel we had to wait kind of long for it (Thursday–>Sunday) but here’s the deal.

I got a call 20 minutes ago about a case/work opportunity. I don’t want to pass it up. It’s this week, but it means prep starts today. But I also don’t want to not see you. I don’t know what to do here. I don’t want to be a bad friend, but I want to take advantage of this opportunity. I told them I’d call them back in 30m with my response. Am I going to fuck up our friendship by taking it, Cowgirl? Be honest because I value you too.

Kind of ironic that he does this right after telling me he values love above things like career. I mean not that he loves me at this early juncture but we have a connection and it’s fragile enough that shit like this can impact it. And I’m disappointed, obviously. Also I had yesterday off as well and spent it in an anxiety paralysis thing where I wanted to clean the apartment and do other preparation things for the boy’s arrival but just…couldn’t (I don’t really understand why this happens to me. Am I afraid if I prepare for someone’s visit, it’ll jinx it? Am I afraid of my visitor judging my housework skills to be lacking so I’d rather not try at all than try and suck? I don’t know). That quirk of my shitty brain is not his problem, though. That’s a me-thing.

I have a lot of baggage around people who flake on me, but I’m aware that this is the first time for him (so, way too early to think it’s a pattern) and he’s handling it in exemplary fashion. I mean he’s even asking me if it’s cool if he takes the gig, not just taking it and telling me after (I feel like if I said “NO! Come here instead!” he might very well be like “Ummm you’re actually being kind of unreasonable and this doesn’t bode well, I’m out” but at least I have the illusion of choice…). And he reassured me that he likes me and everything.

So I said:

Go do the thing, but tell me right now when I CAN see you. And if this happens again with the alternate day (or happens a lot in general) that’s when it’ll be an issue.

Also: dibs on breaking your chastity streak?

(That was a big part of my disappointment/frustration: dude’s been denying himself orgasms for an entire month, which is the longest he’s ever gone and he’s said he doesn’t think he can last much longer. He also says when he finally comes it’ll probably be spectacular. And he says he’s a moaner. All of which is directly relevant to my interests and I was really looking forward to watching the fireworks today.)

He assured me that he’s not a person who flakes on his friends and that this cancellation will not be a pattern. And then he spelled out what his schedule looks like this week in quite a bit of detail and said that Saturday night might be best. Re: his next orgasm, he said he’s “not really seeing anyone else right now” so yes, I can have it. His wording bothers me slightly because it implies that if he were seeing someone else, the decision would be out of his hands (heh) or that he’d just give it up to whoever got to him first. I’d like to feel a little more like he’s actively choosing me. But fine.

I said yes to Saturday and that sometimes I have to cancel social stuff for work opportunities, too, so I do get it. He apologized and thanked me for understanding. And he reiterated that he’s really looking forward to seeing me again. I said I hope he won’t be too busy to text me in the meantime and he said no, he won’t be.

So, I mean…that went as well as it could have. But it still sucks.

1 Comment

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One response to “Sigh.

  1. trillian

    I think the way he presented is just d’aww. It’s careful and very emphatic. By the way the only thing I find acceptable for cancelling dates is work; i’ve done it many times in the past and maybe i’m screwed up in my head but it totally gives me a thrill that i have x more hours to wait for something special. Like christmas presents as a kid: they all seemed much more valuable because i had been waiting so long for them.
    (Also i have this idea about work that it gives me financial resources that make a BETTER date, like “i’ll be spending this money to buy a better wine or a special gift to the person i postponed the date with.)

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