Some scattered thoughts about the pay-to-text-me site I’ve joined:
For the longest time I only got guys saying “hi” and then vanishing. Which is okay – I got my 25 cents or whatever just by saying “hi” back – but an ongoing convo would obviously be more lucrative.
The other day, for whatever reason, I got several guys who engaged in actual conversations with me. So for the past day or two I’ve been just texting fast and furious with several people.
I had assumed that the guys on the site would be the type to have totally generic (and terribly misspelled) conversations. Just total “Hey what u up 2” shit. I was pleasantly surprised to engage with a couple of guys who were actually sort of interesting. I still wouldn’t have bothered talking to them for free, but as a job it was pleasant, is what I’m saying.
One guy felt that we had some big connection and asked if I could foot some of the bill for our conversations so we could talk more often. Oh honey no. How did it not occur to him that I was on the site to make money? Anyway I told him I’m too poor and he understands.
Sometimes the conversations have gotten sexual. The guys ask me stuff about what I like and don’t like, bedroom-wise, and I find myself torn; I want to tell the truth so any subsequent dirty-talking might be to my liking, and yet I also want to be easily slotted into their fantasies so they’ll keep talking to me and I can rack up more money. Like if I say what I actually like, it might put a dude off. Or he might ignore what I said I liked and sext me about it anyway, which would still make me money but would be annoying on principle. So I’m trying to let the guys lead the conversation, but they don’t always give good clues about how to suck up to them.
One guy was sexting with me and I was doing my best to “perform” for him – big creative elegant spiels of dirty-talk – but it quickly became obvious that he just wanted an audience to show off to. So he’d type these massive missives about what he would do to me and how his exes all said he was great with his mouth and hands and how his cock was super awesome and blah blah blah, and I pretty much just went “Ooooh, hot” at intervals. Easy-peasy. I did not expect that.
The guy who claims to feel all connected with me is, I think, wanting me to play therapist. I did actually feel a kinship with him – he’s in a sexless marriage and so was I, once, and we have some pretty similar baggage – but when I mentioned my marriage, he didn’t go “Oh holy shit you too?” and commiserate as I’d anticipated. We didn’t bond over our shared experiences. He just kinda blew right by my statement and kept talking about himself. Which is absolutely fine – I’m being paid, so if what he wants is a comforting generic lady-person to go “there, there” while he talks, that’s totally fine. But him thinking we’re actual friends when in fact he kind of willfully rejects getting to know me is amusing.
These guys I talk to have profiles on the website itself where I can see their age and some photos, but when they text me, none of that info shows up on my phone, so I frequently find myself flirting with guys while having no idea what they look like or anything. It’s been kinda cool having a direct window into people’s personalities without the external stats intervening. I’ll never be meeting these guys in person, so I can feel free to flirt with them and take risks in a way I never would otherwise.
Making conversation with these strangers is helping with my anxiety and social awkwardness a bit, I think. I’m getting better at figuring out what to say to people.
I’ve asked a few of these guys for dick pics. I don’t honestly care that much about dick pics but I figured they’d love being asked for them, plus the dominant in me gets a huge kick out of asking these guys for particular kinds of pics and getting them. I may not find most penises aesthetically compelling, but getting a dick pic that is exactly what I asked for (“cup it so it’s mostly covered by your hand and I can only see the base.” “hold it like you’re about to jerk off” etc) is thrilling because dance, puppet, dance! It also beats the hell out of receiving dick pics unsolicited (which has also happened). I just like being in the driver’s seat.
And I can genuinely find beauty in most bodies somewhere. So when I give unsolicited compliments on guys’ pics, there’s at least a grain of truth to them. I’m not bullshitting.
People often laugh about “fragile masculinity” and act like men are hilariously needy with the emotional labour they want from women, but honestly, who wouldn’t want a cute person of their preferred gender who says validating things and makes them feel special and awesome all the time? I’d love that. I think most people would. The only ridiculous thing is expecting to get it for free and/or with no reciprocation. If a guy realizes that there’s nothing in it for me to sit around validating him all day, so he pays me, I’m totally cool with that. I don’t think he’s ridiculous for needing what he needs. I think it’s a valuable paid service and I will do it as well as I possibly can, for money.
Anyway, overall the texting has been nice so far. And nobody’s pressured me to escalate to a phone call or video chat, which is awesome. Those things pay more but my crippling shyness makes me really, really not want to do them. These guys are happy just texting, so far. Let’s hope my streak continues.