Then again…

I also get the feeling that The Pedant was afraid of commitment. Probably he sees relationships as a series of obligations (which they kind of are, but ideally there’s also so much good that it balances out).

We had a while – last summer or something – where he was being really great at giving me what I needed and I was just feeling absolutely over the moon for him as a result. I was so bursting with love for him that I wrote him mushy letters and painted him a wee piece of art that was heart-themed. And I think it was pretty soon after that that things started falling to shit – that the sweet things he used to do started falling by the wayside. It was either shortly after my big obvious gestures of love or shortly after I wrote him the manual outlining the stuff he did that I liked and telling him that as long as he did those things, I’d be happy with him.

And then during the whole argument over the fucking keys and me wanting him to try to be on time and whatnot, I clearly expressed to him that I was in the relationship for the long haul so I was willing to wait a few years for him to get his lateness problem in order. I just wanted him to start working on it a little bit at a time, was all.

So part of me thinks he began to feel distant and then left because I loved him and made it clear I wanted things to go long term (like, officially, not just a “hey let’s hang out and have sex” arrangement that just kinda doesn’t stop) and it freaked him out.

Which, good riddance I guess. I want a relationship at this point in my life, not an elaborately nonchalant ongoing fuckbuddy thing. Still though. The Pedant loved me; he didn’t run away when I told him I loved him; he told me he thought of me as his primary partner; he stuck around for five years; when we had issues he tried (except at the very end) to solve them and get us back on track. He clearly wanted a relationship with me, so it’s just so stupid that me being open that it was a relationship scared him away.

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