Moar Dandy things

I forgot to mention, last time I saw The Dandy I asked him “So hey, if we assume that the way I am lately – with regards to anxiety and whatnot – is my baseline, and I’m never gonna get any better than this, does that seem like something you can deal with?”

He said yes, with just the right amount of pause. If he’d jumped in too fast with that “yes” it would have felt like he was just sucking up, and if he’d stopped and thought about it a bunch first it would have felt like he saw a lot of red flags and really had to ponder whether they were worth it. But he gave his answer within a normal amount of time.

The way I am lately, incidentally, is…middling. The cognitive behavioural therapy I took recently seems to have opened up a bunch of sadness and baggage and shit that I thought I’d put away, but it’s also helped me to become a bit more functional. All my emotional wounds are really raw right now so I tend to get in fatalistic moods where everything reminds me of various shitty things that have happened to me to make me who I am. Also – as a defensive maneuver because Minx and my ex husband both cited my anxiety and depression as reasons for wanting to leave – I am being almost over the top in presenting myself to The Dandy as fucked up. I want him to have no illusions about what he’s getting into.

So if he’s okay with current, kind of mopey me, that’s a good sign.

Also, it occurred to me that the long hug-ambushes he keeps giving me that I find slightly awkward are exactly what I used to do to The Pendant. I just found The Pedant so incredibly hot, and it felt like it had been so long since someone was so affectionate with me. Perhaps this is how The Dandy feels about me. I’m the first person he’s dated since he and Dandette broke up around two years ago, and if he has a physical “type” I think I fall within it. For my part, I am not as physically attracted to The Dandy as I’d like to be and I’m not as backed up for physical affection as he is so all the hugging just seems kind of extraneous. I’m not actually complaining, though.

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