Can you have a circlejerk with just one guy?

So, some dude’s been trolling this blog. When I make cynical posts about my dating life, he likes to comment on them that I’ll never find someone because I’m clingy and mentally unstable.

Here’s the funny part: this guy has been trolling me for years. I set his posts to automatically go into my trash folder a year or two ago, but he still comments. He comments under a wide range of usernames and email addresses*, several of them clearly tailored to me and the things going on in my life. Some of his comments show a depth of detail indicating that he’s been really reading what I write and remembering it, not just casually skimming for things he can pick on; he’ll make a comment that starts out with generic “blah blah blah nobody will ever love you” troll stuff but then offhandedly references some behaviour pattern he’s noticed me develop over the past half-decade or so. Dude is super into me, is what I’m saying. He probably has a shrine next to his bed made out of printouts of my blog entries and hair clippings from some woman that he imagines might look like me.

Any time I feel depressed at the way my life is going, I remind myself that there’s a guy whose hobby is making new Yahoo Mail accounts incorporating the nicknames that a stranger on the internet gave to other people who are also strangers to him, so he can use the accounts to make blog comments directly into the void. And that he’s been devoting himself to this practice for YEARS, memorizing every little detail of this stranger’s life in desperate hope of prizing some little crumb of attention from her. And he calls this internet stranger “clingy” and “unstable” with no apparent self-awareness or sense of irony.

And that puts things into perspective and makes me feel well-adjusted and happy again. 🙂

Well, there’s the crumb of attention you so desperately wanted, troll-boy. I bet you just jizzed in your favourite Cheeto-stained sweatpants. Merry Christmas!


*Sssssh! He thinks he’s being clever and convincing me that I have a whole group of haters. He doesn’t know that WordPress shows me more info on my commenters than what actually gets published and I can see it’s all one person.


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3 responses to “Can you have a circlejerk with just one guy?

  1. trillian

    i’m reading a lot of personal blogs and literally everyone has a house troll like that. poor chap. what a boring life he must have

  2. Brian

    You CAN have a one person circle jerk, but it would require him to come in his own mouth. Wonder if he’s still interested?

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