At this time of year it’s too cold to be naked at home like I usually am and I start craving new pajamas to lounge in. I’m a fan of the classic flannel two-piece kind in adorable prints. My current ones are all a few years old and looking a little rough. Also they’re probably a bit ridiculous looking because they’re at least four inches too short in the legs and arms.
Since there are a bunch of black cyber whatever sales going on right now I decided to poke around online and see if anyone had anything good. I am mightily discouraged.
One place had extra-tall women’s PJs but only in a fairly staid print and $95. My current pairs of PJs were $20-$24 btw*. You can’t fucking tell me four more inches of fabric cost $70. Fuck you.
Another place also only had one pair in a boring print. They were reasonably priced at $30ish but when I checked the size chart the inseam length was 32″. On their tall size. Fuck you.
Another place had tall sizes in boring prints but they cost $79 and their size chart – though it helpfully showed a drawing of a woman with arrows pointing to all the places to measure to ensure proper fit and inseam length was one of them – did not list what the inseam length of their tall-size garments actually is. Fuck you.
Another place had tall sizes but no cute prints and their size chart mentioned nothing about inseam whatsoever. Fuck you.
I then decided fuck it, I’d rather pay $20 for something that’s cute but too short. So I looked at the Wal Mart, Target, and La Senza websites and curiously none of them had what I wanted at all. It was all weird thin sweatpants-and-tank-tops type sets that were too revealing and not warm enough, except for one pair of two-piece plaid thermal pajamas at La Senza whose top half was totally the classic long-sleeved button-up PJ top but whose bottom half was, inexplicably, booty shorts. Fuck you.
So I searched a few cheapie places online for men’s two-piece flannel pajamas because at least those might be long enough and maybe there would be some interesting patterns, right? I mean, not pink cupcakes, obviously, but cartoon characters or something? Nope. I HOPE YOU LIKE BLUE PLAID BECAUSE THAT IS ALL THAT EXISTS ANYWHERE EVER.
And by the way, because I’m hourglass-shaped, according to the size charts of every single website I looked at, a pair of pajamas big enough to accommodate my hips would be five or six inches too big in the waist. SIGH.
Just…I mean…a lot of my gigs pay me in cash and I’ve got like $600 burning a hole in my dresser drawer and nobody has anything that’s cute and would fit me and isn’t trying to gouge me price-wise.
Yeah, I know, first-world problems. But still.
*And have puppies and cupcakes on them, respectively!