Not getting my hopes up.

The Pedant ended up having to cancel coming over to talk shit out tonight (he cancelled a day or two ago, not last-minute) but proffered Tuesday or Wednesday instead. He has both days off.

I will basically never have a day off again (well I’m exaggerating but…) however on Tuesday I only work til 4:30 so I told him that evening would work for me.

This morning I woke up to a text from him offering to come over a bit early (like, before I get home, using I guess the pink keys he won’t usually use) and transfer the files from my old, almost-dead laptop to my new-but-still-used one. This is something I’d been meaning to do forever but it’s daunting because my brain can’t seem to handle technology anymore. I used to be able to figure this shit out but now, ehhhhh…

First off he has a tremendous track record of arriving later than agreed-upon (which is kind of the whole reason there’s an issue that needs talking out) so who the hell knows if he’ll actually get his shit together and get here before I arrive home. Once I am home I intend not to let myself get distracted by shit because we do need to talk. I want to get this sorted out.

But even if he does manage to get here before I do and help me with stuff, what does it mean? First he’s all dismissive and shitty about my relationship concerns, then he says we’ll talk them over in person, then he’s silent for like two weeks, and now he’s coming over to talk things out but also offering me a bunch of help with my technological chores? Did those two weeks of radio silence make him realize that he really wants to keep me in his life so now he’s gonna make a plan and stick to it to show me that he’s planning on changing for me? Is he trying to make up for being an asshole by doing something nice for me? Does he think the two weeks of silence reset me to zero and he’s just gonna come over and do some helpful things for me and we’ll fuck a whole bunch, like a normal visit, and we won’t need to have any big EmotionsTalk? Like I just don’t get it.

Ugh. I’ll be glad when this big Night of Talking about The Things is over with. I want resolution of some kind, whatever form it takes.


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