A charming and astute commenter pointed out that The Pedant was most likely stalling on getting back to me with a time to talk things out not as a passive breakup but because, in his no-self-awareness way, he associates me with pain. I called him out on his lateness and made him have to examine a thing about himself that he doesn’t like, and straightening out our argument will certainly require talking about that some more, so he’s all owww owww introspection bring pain.
Now, honestly The Pedant hasn’t been giving me much of what I need from him for a long time. I don’t know if it’s because he’s been working too much to do things like phone me on a regular basis, or if he’s actually gone off me and has his head too far up his own ass to even realize or acknowledge it. But when he made me happy, he made me really happy. And making me happy is super easy – I have written him a literal manual on how to do that (to which I would add: GET SOME KEYS CUT AND KEEP THEM ON YOU). I’ve been doing some thinking and I believe that if he were doing all of those other things, I would feel pretty okay. Doing all the things plus working on his lateness would be better. But I might settle for him arriving whenever and just letting himself in. Or at least it would buy us a little more time. I’ll be okay if things end with us but I’d miss his puppylike enthusiasm for helping me. I’d miss the (unprotected!) sex. I’d miss the way he automatically reaches out for me in his sleep.
So yesterday I was going to try to end our stalemate and broker a compromise. I was walking home from work and composing a text message or email in my head along the lines of “Okay look just get keys cut and let’s forget about the rest of the argument for now. Can things go back to normal then?”
But I never got around to sending it and then a bit later I got an email from him out of the blue saying that he thought Saturday would be a good time for us to talk. (And also saying that he forgot to pay his phone bill so I won’t be able to reach him that way, so good thing I never tried to text him).
I’m glad to have heard from him – especially before I contacted him offering to back off on that fight. Because really, I just wanted to buy a few more months of sex and sleep-snuggles before I probably got annoyed by the same issue again, but he would have gotten the idea that if he waits long enough all his problems will magically go away and that…probably would not have been good.
I may not get into it with him about the lateness when I see him, anyway. As I see it the bigger issue is that I asked him to get keys cut for himself – telling him that it would be a huge deal for me and for our relationship and ease tension I’ve been feeling for a very long time – and to my knowledge, he hasn’t done this. A brief, cheap errand to fix massive problems and make me happy – and I asked him to do it over a month ago – and he hasn’t managed to do it. And he gaslit me several times about the fact that it was a big deal to me, which is total bullshit. Fucking do the thing or don’t. Don’t sit there marveling about the fact that I said that his having keys would “undo a knot of tightness in my chest” while not getting keys cut.
Anyway. I told him I’d be home by 8pm on Saturday so he could come by at that time. He hasn’t responded, annoyingly enough. But at least he proposed a day to get shit sorted out, which is…something. I’ll prompt him as to whether this plan is official.