I just got the weirdest feeling that The Mensch – an excellent prospect* who broke things off with me exactly a month ago – had actually committed himself to a dominant, and I checked his FetLife profile and sure enough he’s listed as “in service to” someone as of three days ago.


When we were dating (both times), we seemed to have a huge and fantastic chemistry. The first time around, he left to pursue some vanilla chick (despite having said in the ad I met him through that he’d had enough of vanilla and now was the time he would finally bust out and pursue his dreams of kink and submission…). The second time around, he was overthinking everything to death. He told me that he didn’t know for sure that his kinky fantasies would turn him on in real life and he didn’t want to “lead me on” by entering into some big relationship with me and then realizing that none of the way he’d portrayed himself was actually true. I was like “Look, you don’t have to enter into some major D/s thing, and you don’t have to try everything at once. We could just try one small little thing that you’ve fantasized about, in a casual one-off capacity, and you can see how it feels, and then if you wanted we could try another. Or do that with someone else. Whatever. But my point is, it’s not a horrible thing to tell someone ‘I’m not absolutely sure I’ll like this thing but could we try it?'”

He seemed interested in exploring with me, but didn’t actually say okay to any of it. He continued angsting about how he just doesn’t knoooooow and it would be so unfaaaair to me and I pretty much wanted to yell “SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT FFS” – not to push him into playing with me but because I was so very sick of his whiny vacillations. That first time I dated him – when he put up the ad saying NO MOAR VANILLA EVAAAAR! – that was three years ago. And even back then he was saying that he’d known he was kinky/submissive for years; he just kept falling into vanilla relationships where he was afraid to bring it up. Well, here I am – again – into him and compatible with him as far as anyone knows and willing to gently experiment with his fantasies. So what’s the problem?

Our first date had been absolute alchemy; we talked over coffee for six hours about all manner of things, leaning in close to each other as if magnetized and mirroring each others’ body language unconsciously and just generally having an effortless rapport; then we found a secluded alley and made out for a good fifteen minutes with me alternately being sensual and a little rough and his erection gouging into my pelvis the entire time. The next day he sent me an email with pics of him in lingerie, taken just for me because I’d inspired him. And he said he’d never before been on the receiving end of such voracity as I’d shown him when we made out, and he loved it.

Our second date was when most of the angsting took place, and he was seeming a bit distant. When I went to kiss him at the end he said he didn’t want to get into a whole huge makeout thing again, and I was fine with that; we were in a much more public place than last time.

And then when I asked him out on a third date he replied that he’d decided we wouldn’t be sexually compatible so he was now only open to friendship with me. Interesting. His obvious erection during our making out (and semi-constant one when we were just talking; he would mention it every now and then, or give me a pointed look and subtly adjust himself) would seem to disagree with that assessment. It seemed to me that he was just being a big conflicted chickenshit. I even told him that this kinda seemed like a case of him panicking because he was right on the brink of getting some things he’d wanted for years and years. But I didn’t ask him to reconsider or anything. That kind of shit is beneath me. I simply pointed out that I felt he was doing this due to feeling conflicted, and then I wished him luck in his future endeavors.

And now – a month later – he not only has a dominant, but he considers the relationship entrenched and official enough to have listed it on FL.

Here’s a weird thing, though: her profile identifies her as mostly a lesbian and mostly a sub. She’ll dominate a man but it kinda sounds like she doesn’t sleep with them. Is this why she made the cut and I didn’t? Because she relieves him of his all-consuming worry of misleading a dominant sexually?

Also, by the way, she’s in her 20s and specifically states that what she really really wants right now is a dominant woman at least ten years her senior. I most certainly would not feign bisexuality and entice her into falling for me so that The Mensch would feel neglected and overshadowed. But the idea is making for some really good daydreams. 😀


*Excellent because he was smart and very cute and had a general kink outlook (and some specific kinks) compatible with mine. The big fly in the ointment being that he was conflicted about his submission.

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