In dire need of a cat expert.

I’m at wit’s end with Dickface the Kitten and if anyone out there is any kind of cat expert who has advice I haven’t already tried, I’m all ears.

This is the situation:

I have two cats, Dickface and Bastardcat (names changed to protect the guilty). I’ve had Bastardcat for I think seven years now (and got him as an adult). Two years ago I got him a teeny six-week-old kitten, Dickface, to keep him company. They shared a single litterbox in the bathroom. Both of them were perfect in their litterbox usage – they never relieved themselves anywhere else, even when I’d neglected to scoop for a long time and it was really gnarly in there.

But because I sometimes neglected to scoop (and my bathroom is right near my front door, and also, as it turns out, I was using a completely useless brand of cat litter), other tenants in my building complained about cat-litter stink in the hallway. My landlords told me I needed to fix the issue or else.

I switched to a new and exponentially better brand of litter and also moved the box into the kitchen, which is as far away from the door as it’s possible to get. It’s hard for me to remember now but I don’t think I did both things on the same day. I feel like maybe I changed litter brands first and then moved the box a day or several later.

Not long after that, someone started pissing and shitting everywhere. I could never catch whoever it was, but I always suspected it was Dickface (Bastardcat is just way too awesome to do something so gauche). And indeed, I finally did catch Dickface peeing on my knapsack that I’d left on the floor. It got so anything absorbent left on the floor got peed on; I’ve had to be fanatically careful not to leave laundry or papers sitting where she can get them.

Twice now I’ve found cat shit ON THE COUCH, which seems like the ultimate “fuck you” and also, I would have thought, counterintuitive. Dickface hangs out on the couch all the time and don’t animals have an instinct not to foul their own dens? So maybe she’s angry at me, but why?

At this point I posted on Facebook asking for advice. Basically there were two ideas about why Dickface was doing this: 1) She’s not adjusting well to the change in box location 2) She’s become the dominant kitty of the household and no longer wants to share a box with Bastardcat. I’ve taken both cats to the vet recently and she said there’s no obvious medical thing that would be causing this.

So I bought a second box and put it in the bathroom, right where Dickface had it for the first two years of her stupid peabrained life. She started peeing in it, though not as often as I would have expected; I mean there only seemed to be like two clumps per day or something. I’m sure she usually pees more than that. But I wasn’t detecting any pee elsewhere in the apartment, so fine. She still shat on the floor (and only the floor, unless she’s been using Bastardcat’s box for that), but oddly only every few days (does she want to use a litterbox but hates that box for some reason, so she just tries to hold everything in?). Often she seems to shit while running – I’ll hear her in the other room skittering across the floor and when I come in, there’s a bunch of turds scattered roughly in a line. They’re pretty normal-looking turds, btw. Maybe a little on the harder side of normal. Not diarrhea or anything.

Recently I mentioned to my parents about the landord being all on my case and they insisted on coming over and helping me clean (a horrifying affair that I might write about later or I might just block out). Part of this involved buying me a bunch of supplies to help with the cat odour, including a big thing of scented litter. The litter was yet another brand – not one I’d ever tried before. As it happened I’d run out of litter and both boxes were getting a little icky so I did a full-out change to the new stuff. I suspect the switch pissed Dickface off because suddenly she was relieving herself elsewhere in the house again.

I have now reverted back to the second litter brand for Dickface’s box – the one that had worked great for odour control and that she’d tentatively started to pee in – and also sprinkled that with this stuff called Cat Attract that’s meant to encourage cats to use the box. I made the switch over twelve hours ago. The box hasn’t been used.

Bastardcat’s box in the kitchen still has litter brand #3 that my parents got, because he was using it so why waste it? I changed it for more of litter #3 over twelve hours ago (right after I put litter #2 in Dickface’s box in the bathroom). BASTARDCAT’S BOX HASN’T BEEN USED EITHER AND I CAN’T FIND ANY PISS OR SHIT ANYWHERE ELSE EITHER. WTF IS GOING ON?!?!?!?

2 Comments

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2 responses to “In dire need of a cat expert.

  1. J.

    Hey, I’m not a cat expert but have lived with cats for many years. Could be a texture thing with the new litters? It sounds like you haven’t tried switching back to original litter in original place. If that works, maybe moving the tray with original litter still in will work after a while of peace. Or maybe it’s having more visitors round than usual – you mentioned you’re seeing more people – maybe Dickface is getting all territorial because strangers? Not sure what the fix is for that, but worth considering?

    Hope she stops her dirty protest soon!

    • Thanks so much for your input!

      I hate the original litter so I was putting off switching back, but it does seem like the one obvious thing I haven’t tried. Maybe I should just bite the bullet.

      The territorial thing is an interesting thought. Hmmmm.

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