Voices from the past

Remember The Mensch? He somehow found my profile on FetLife last night, recognized me from it, and decided to email me. I guess he’s single again, and still interested in D/s. We’re having tea this Friday.

I’m feeling…cautious. Seems likely that he dumped me last time out of madonna-whore complex and I don’t fancy that happening again. Also, I’ve recently realized that I am not in a headspace to start a serious relationship. I kind of want one. But ideally a relationship should happen when someone feels like their life is totally on track and they’re overflowing with awesomeness to share, and I…have been feeling fundamentally broken and unloveable lately and more wishing someone would rescue me. That’s not good. That’s not good at all. And my wacky cobbled together pseudo-religion dictates that this may be why The Mensch has come back into my life – because I want someone awesome but am afraid of developing deep feelings for them and it not working out. The Mensch is an awesome person who maybe – if he’s still all madonna-whorey – won’t be around long enough for me to develop anything major with. Yay, dilemma solved. :/

My date from this post is also back in my life, this time at my initiation. He’d disappeared on me back in the day – and disappeared off FetLIfe, too, from what I could tell, which made me kinda want to text him to see if he was okay but I thought that might be a bit too familiar since we’d only had two or three dates.

He put up an ad in the FetLife classifieds looking for a dominant, and it was an awesome ad, and when I clicked through to his profile to learn more about him I recognized some of the photos. I wrote him a message asking if it was really him, and it was. He’d vanished before because some big family turmoil made him have to pack up and move to another city to take care of things (I didn’t ask for details). He’s back now. We’ve gone out for ice cream and caught up a bit. I enjoy talking to him and I really like his approach to submission but I’m not sure how much chemistry I feel. I don’t think he necessarily meant that get-together as a date, anyway, though.

For his part, he suggested we go to a munch together sometime – and even said he had a particular one in mind but forgot the details and would have to message me with them later – but he never did follow up so I’m guessing he’s not super desperate for my company, either. Which is fine.

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