The text I just sent to The Dandy:
I’m going to take a step back from you and Dandette. There are clearly unresolved issues between you and I don’t fancy being in the middle of them or a catalyst for them.
Please thank Dandette for her help with the cosplay prop but I will do without it. Feels like there’s not enough time to complete it (I work every single day from now til the gig I need it for and can’t come help with my fair share of making it. Plus I don’t WANT to come over at this point, for obvious reasons).
So that’s a big load off my mind. I feel bad about dumping The Dandy – his facial expressions last night as we lay in his bed listening to his ex-gf rage clearly said “Goddammit I finally started dating someone I really like and Dandette is totally cock-blocking me.” I feel like in dumping him I’ve succumbed to Dandette’s pressure or whatever – like she’s won, and he’ll be extra-angry at her for successfully fucking us up.
Luckily, that’s not my problem. None of this is my problem. Because I’m out.
I’ve said in the past that I think the universe gives people what they ask for (or, more precisely, what they need). What I haven’t touched on is the fact that it goes in both directions. I mean I’m not the most important person in the world, that the universe is bringing me things on a silver platter. When the universe connects me to certain people it’s doing it for both of us.
I hit on The Dandy because I was sad over a broken friendship and needed snuggles and attention from someone sympathetic – and, I guess, someone I wasn’t emotionally invested in, so I wouldn’t have to worry about them being put off by my maudlin crap. So the universe put him in my path to hit on because he fit what I needed but also I fit what he needed. I think The Dandy hadn’t moved on too much from his last relationship, but didn’t realize it. I think he needed someone to come into his life and show him just how much not-moved-on he was, and to perhaps remind him of what a healthy relationship looks like. Dandette and I are eerily similar in many ways, but I’m exponentially more self-aware and better at communicating. And not a substance abuser (Dandette is a smoker and also – I’m suspecting – an alcoholic).
So it’s like the universe is saying “See, Dandy? I’ve given you a way-more-well-adjusted version of your ex in order to highlight, underline, and circle what the problems were in that previous relationship. Also, the ex is gonna go batshit when she sees that you’re dating, and this will highlight the problems in your current ‘friendship’ and force some discussions you should have had ages ago.”
Yay! I’m helping! 😛
I’m actually glad I had an excuse to break it off with The Dandy, because he seemed to be getting way more attached to me than I was to him. I’m fond of him and enjoyed spending time with him but there’s not much of a spark for me. I was debating with myself whether I should bail, and couldn’t decide. And then a really, really good reason came up that sealed the deal.
I’d bet good money that after this whole debacle, The Dandy will move on from Dandette in earnest – and as a result, he’ll lose his attraction to me (since she and I are basically versions of the same person). I bet his next partner will be a lot different from Dandette and I (but emotionally mature like I am). I would like this for him. He really is a very nice boy and I wish him the best.