You may remember that the last time I saw The Pedant I told him that I was feeling like “filler” in between his club and concert outings and I wanted to feel like more of a priority – I wanted him to initiate time with me, to see me. Not with an undertone of “I’m gonna come over and there’s also this thing I wanna go to and if you’re not into it I’ll just go myself and come back to your apartment afterward” Or “I’d like to come over on Saturday…to crash after the concert I’m attending.” I don’t mind that shit sometimes but it had just happened twice in a row and I’m feeling neglected in general so I really want him to focus on me for a change.

The other day he texted me asking if I wanted to go to some particular goth night at a club this Friday. It’s not one I was familiar with, so he sent me a link to the event page on Facebook. And I saw that he’d clicked there that he was going. Not a maybe. A yes.

I know people RSVP to events on Facebook all the time and don’t end up going, but I’m pretty sure The Pedant is in fact definitely going to this thing and I’m an adjunct to his nightlife activities. Again. Dammit.

I did ask him if he was working that day during the day – just kinda sussing out whether he was planning to visit me or if he was only inviting me out clubbing – and he said yes, he is working, until 4pm. Then he asked me if I’m working and I said no and he didn’t go on to invite himself over after his shift so I don’t know why the fuck he even asked me my schedule. Y’know, he claims to be obtuse about conversational conventions, deaf to hints, etc., but he doesn’t seem that terrible at it to me and I do think he knows that when someone is asking if you’re free it means they’d like to see you. But who the hell knows.

The club night was iffy for me, anyway – the music sounds like it’s not to my taste and there’s an expensive cover that The Pedant would probably pay but he didn’t specifically say so I don’t want to assume. And Mine is coming over the next day so I don’t want to be out all night and be too fuzzy-brained to be good company.

I just texted The Pedant that I’m gonna pass on the club night but thanks anyway. It would be nice – vindicating, even – if he responded along the lines of “Want me to just come over that evening instead?” but I’m not holding my breath.

By the way I haven’t heard much from him since those two random chatty phone calls mentioned in a previous post. So I dunno. Maybe the calls were coincidence and he’s not consciously trying to get our relationship back on track, after all.

Edit/update: he responded to my “I won’t be coming out clubbing” with “no problem. :)” And some chitchat about how I’m doing. But nothing about wanting to see me. Alrighty then.




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5 responses to “*Sigh.*

  1. some guys don’t know how insensitive they are. What is your relationship to him lately?

    • Yeah but I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HIM that I want him to initiate visits with me that don’t revolve around some event he wants to go to.

      I’m not happy in the relationship with him, and have said so. Whether he’s drifting from me emotionally or just busy and a dumbass is unclear. Maybe on his end he feels like everything is fine. Maybe not.

      • jooyous

        Do you think he took that to mean: if there’s an event you want to go to, *don’t* use that to initiate a visit with me ..?

        I was thinking about this earlier, and I’m not sure extraverted people and/or peoples that don’t have anxiety necessarily think that concert-type outings are the *main* thing they’re doing. Like, would that change your perspective if he was “coming to see you” but “stopping to check out the thing” instead of “going to the concert” but “crashing at your place”. It’s just a difference in perspective that’s not distinguished by the actions, which is why I’m wondering.

        Also: does “no problem” for sure mean he’s NOT crashing at your place?

        • “Do you think he took that to mean: if there’s an event you want to go to, *don’t* use that to initiate a visit with me ..?”

          I doubt it, since that appears to be exactly what he just did with the whole “wanna come out to this club night?” thing.

          For the record though I would be fine with that, I think. The way I’m feeling right now I’d rather have a few me-focused visits than a larger number of “I’m doing a thing and you can tag along” get-togethers, if those are my only options.

          Interesting point that he may not think of going out as the “main” thing (he’s an introvert, or claims to be, but I know he’s not bothered by noise and crowds like I am).

          Shit, I have no idea what “no problem” means. The thing is he hasn’t used his words at any point to tell me he’d like to come over. Asking about my schedule, yes; talking about his schedule, yes; but not once hinting at WHY we were talking about schedules. So I assume he’s not planning to come over and just has a very weird idea of small talk.

          • jooyous

            Whoops, I meant like! If you don’t want to go to the event, then he should *not* use that event to initiate a visit. Because then that visit won’t be focused on you. So it’s bad and skews the ratio of visits that are focused on you. Which is weird perfectionist reasoning that results in him seeing you less.

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