The Pedant was unusually chatty yesterday and we were talking a bunch. A discussion of social rituals (including the ritual of saying “thank you,” which The Pedant insists he finds annoying and doesn’t want to hear it from anyone) led to:
Me: What gestures and niceties DO matter to you?
Pedant: The sexual kind.
Me: “Sexual Niceties” sounds like an indie band. Tell me more.
Pedant: It matters to me that a partner is confident and comfortable enough (both in her sexuality and with me) that she’s able to make advances as soon as the door is closed and there is privacy. It matters to me that sex is given priority. It matters to me that sex is had out of desire and not some misplaced feeling of obligation.
[The thing about The Pedant is that he’s generally pretty spectacularly un-self-aware. It seems likely that he boiled his relationship needs down to sex because it’s less vulnerable for a guy to say he needs lots of sex than it would be for him to say he wants cuddles or emotional stuff. But the sexual stuff he mentions sounds legit, and also describes how I am with him to a tee, so that’s gratifying. Maybe he wasn’t even so much telling me what he needs as telling me what he likes about me. Kinda reverse-engineering what his needs are by specifying what works for him about us…]
Me: Prawr. 😀 I have literally been fantasizing all week about dragging you into my apartment and shoving you up against the inside of my door.
Pedant: Ah, so we’re on the same page then.
Me: *Stifled incoherent guttural sound*
Me [an hour or so later]: I’ve reached the surreal part of sexual starvation where it feels like erections are this wacky idea I made up.
Pedant: Well, that’s just odd. 😛
Me: You don’t ever start feeling like the memory of a woman responding to your touch might be just a fap fantasy you made up and not a thing that could actually happen?
Pedant: Nope. The memories of each of the women I really enjoyed my time with are far too vivid for that.
Me: I guess the thing is my fantasies are equally vivid. Oh the things imaginary-you does in my mind. You have no idea. 😀 [A few minutes later] …Actually my imagination rarely strays from things that have actually happened or are likely to happen. I’ve become weirdly pragmatic in my old age. I do enjoy the thought of you riding my strap-on, though. A position that affords me a lovely view and leaves both of my hands free.
[This was me planting the idea in his head for later. I’ve come to realize that The Pedant takes a long time to process things; if I flat-out suggest we add a thing to our sexual repertoire that’s a bit outside our usual stuff, he’ll probably get spooked and say no. But if I kinda float the idea out there and then leave it alone, chances are he’ll mention it again himself a few weeks later and tell me he’s up for it. Although for whatever reason he seems unusually freaked out by the idea of being pegged, so I wasn’t really expecting anything to come of this.]
Pedant: I’m sure you enjoy the idea of keeping me in the collar with a “tail” in place for a whole weekend.
Me: Also yes. My very own beautiful pet wolf. ❤
Pedant: I think I’d be up for that when there is sufficient free time. I like the feeling of you owning me for a while.
Me [After seriously five minutes of rereading our exchange, fighting to catch my breath, and wondering what I could possibly say to indicate how I felt]: *Sploosh.*
[The tail thing would be an example of him coming around to one of my ideas all on his own. I mentioned the idea in passing once – not even seriously, because I assumed he’d never go for it – and suddenly a while back he brought it up again. And now here it was again. He has a way of bringing shit up like he’s doing it all for my benefit when really, a lot of the time, it’s what he wants to do. I wonder if this is one of those times? Could it be that he’s a latent furry but embarrassed about it and it took me going there first for him to feel safe broaching the topic?]
Me: I should probably ask what animal YOU see yourself as rather than assuming “wolf”…
Pedant: Let’s go with wolf for the moment.
Me: You did once describe yourself as a werewolf and I guess the imagery stuck, for me. 🙂 All that power for me to harness and direct…
[This was me planting seeds of how I view his submission. Honestly, I don’t know for sure if he only takes orders in the bedroom because he’s afraid that being more 24/7 would make him seem less manly or independent or whatever. But if that is a component, I’m laying groundwork for him to realize that I wouldn’t think of him as less powerful, I’d simply think of him as using his considerable resources to make my life better!]
[But you guise YOU GUISE look what he suddenly said to me six hours later…]
Pedant: So, by “riding” your strap-on, exactly what position are you fantasizing about having me in?
Me: Me lying on my back, you straddling me (and therefore being almost entirely in control of the thrusting). [The Pedant’s main fear of pegging seems to be that I’ll want to fuck him fast and hard, even though I’ve told him I’ll be as gentle as he needs. Hence my bringing up that position and not one where I’m the more active party.]
Pedant [today, after apparently letting the idea sink in for almost 24 hours]: You could probably coax me into giving you a show like that.
[Yeah…”coax” him into doing that. For my benefit. Not because he’s becoming curious about it. Uh-huh. :D]