He called me last night (just a normal, chatty, pointless type of phone call) for the first time in two or three weeks. I finally feel like things are settling back into their groove.
Honestly, I was less rabidly anxious during our recent tumult than I’ve been in similar situations in the past*. I think The Pedant has been a steady enough presence in my life that I actually kind of trust him – to the extent that I trust anyone. AssholeBrain still interjected every once in a while that his silence meant he was ghosting on me and blah blah blah, but I was mostly able to ignore the insinuations this time around. They didn’t IGNITE anything in me because I had no reason to believe he’d actually bail on me like that. So that was nice.
But I’m still relieved that he called me.
On a side note, during our phone conversation the topic of his ex-girlfriend somehow came up: the major, tragic, one-that-got-away girlfriend whom he was still super hung up on when we first started dating (even though they’d been broken up for years). The Pedant said last night that he’s realized she would be toxic for him. I didn’t ask him how or why; I almost felt like I’d jinx it if I investigated too much. But it was good to hear. She’s a sore spot for me, in that The Pedant has openly told me many times that he was/is in love with her but he’s never been able to say those words to me (I know he does have feelings for me, and also for all I know he never told her his feelings directly, either. Maybe he can only bring himself to say the words “I love her” and never “I love you” for whatever reason. But it still kinda hurt to hear him go on and on about his feelings for her). I’ve always felt that if by some incredibly unlikely cosmic alignment she decided to date him again, he’d immediately run off to be in bliss with her and I’d be a distant memory.
But it seems like he’s not only let go of the idea of being with her again (he told me a while back that he’s realized it’s futile to try to get her back and he was gonna stop trying) but he maybe doesn’t even want to be with her anymore.
So that’s kind of a load off my mind.
*Once he told me he did indeed still want to be with me, anyway. Before then, things felt way too up in the air.