A while back, I had a local boy who wanted to be my submissive. I mentioned him a few times here in passing, I think, but not in a linear enough way that you’d know the story.
I found him via Craigslist when I was looking for financial subs (I searched words like “shopping” and “princess” – and also “finsub” I think but that word didn’t come up). Turns out he also wanted to serve in other ways, too. Domestically, sexually, all the things. He was super cute and we seemed pretty compatible.
Long story short, he felt conflicted about submitting. I assume it was the whole “I can’t possibly be submissive and a real man at the same time, I must be broken” societal bullshit thing, but he never specifically told me this. I only pieced it together because:
- He would keep vanishing on me and not answering my texts etc.
- He would resurface a few weeks later via an email begging to serve me again
- At every resurfacing he would ask for my phone number again, which indicates a guilt-purge, to me
- He casually said something in passing about being worthless
When he texted me that time just nonchalantly being all “I know I’m just a worthless stupid submissive” or whatever it was, I was taken aback. I asked him if he actually thought that, or if it was just a kink of his to be humiliated in that way (I said that if it was a kink I could maybe try to play along just to turn him on, but honestly to me a good submissive is precious so it might be a bit of an acting stretch). He said that the previous women he’d served had both called him worthless all the time, and eventually he started to find it kinda hot, so it was kind of a kink for him now but maybe not for the healthiest reasons.
Soon after that, he disappeared again. I think this time it’s permanent.
Before it was clear that the budding relationship was dead, though, I told The Pedant about our conversation- about this boy telling me that being called worthless etc. is kind of a kink for him, but that it came about in a sad way.
The Pedant immediately said, “I think you should steer away from that and focus on building him up.” Which demonstrates a lack of nuance in his understanding of humiliation kinks but also, I think, contained a fair amount of projection.
And it hit me, probably not for the first time but in a more concretely articulated way than before, that The Pedant probably waited this long to bring up the idea of submitting to me because he was afraid I would look down on him for wanting to. Even my being dominant was no guarantee that I would actually like and respect a submissive man, since pop culture depictions of dominant women usually show them being all disdainful and sneery. So I guess he hung back a while and noticed how I talked about the submissive men in my life, and submissive men in general, and how I reacted to him showing me his bottomy side, before opening himself up to me. And even then he seemed fairly adamant that his submission would just be a bedroom thing, and honestly I’m starting to think that was just a defensive reaction – he’s beginning to accept that he can submit sexually without it reflecting on his manhood, but is still maybe feeling cognitive dissonance about going further than that.
I suspect that if I’m patient and don’t push him too hard, he might get there, though. And that thought gives me all the butterflies in my stomach and places beyond. 😀