So, in summer of 2015 I had a coffee date with a guy from FetLife. I wouldn’t say that we clicked per se but he was polite and outgoing and HOT AS FUCK, so I enjoyed talking to him. He was all “welllll I gotta go” before I’d even quite finished my beverage, though, which was disconcerting and made me think he wasn’t much into me. But then he offered to drive me home, which made me think maybe I was wrong. I dunno though. It seems like guys use a lot of the exact same gestures as both “I like you” signals and consolation prizes, depending on the guy.

I accepted the ride home and when he pulled up outside my house I asked if I could kiss him and he said okay. We made out for a minute or two and then I went inside and then I didn’t hear from him. At all. Not even when I texted him a week or two later asking if he’d be interested in some NSA foot play with me sometime (he’s a foot fetishist). Ouch.

Fast forward a bunch of months and guess who messages me on FetLife saying “So did you not like what you saw when we went out?”

I was like “Dafuq you talking about? I invited you to come do stuff to my feet and you ignored me.”

He claimed that he’d never received my text but honestly I think he just wasn’t all that attracted to me and was holding out for someone shinier. But then maybe no such woman presented herself so he went back to the beginning of the lineup.

At any rate, I was willing to see him again. I told him this. And he nonetheless offered me money to come massage my feet. I was surprised by that, but receptive. I asked him how much he had in mind and he said a hundred bucks for an hour. Normally my fee for pro domme and foot stuff is over twice that but I already know he is attractive and personable – and he’d seen me in my normal guise on our date, without the wig and full makeup I do for pro work, so I wouldn’t have to bother with that shit. I felt comfortable enough with him to have him in my home and not rent some other space. So a hundred is just peachy.

He just left. What started out as a very nice foot rub turned into me anchoring his wrists to my doorframe, making out with him, and giving him a hand job. He was the one who brought up bondage and asked if I would restrain him. I’m the one who led the way with all the making out and hand-jobbin’. As it was happening I was thinking “Okay, it’s pretty obvious things have progressed past our verbally agreed-upon terms, which were just a foot massage for a hundred bucks. And I’m having fun. So if he wants to get together again and doesn’t offer money next time, I guess I’ll probably let it go and he’ll just become a regular ol’ play partner. But if he offers money I won’t dissuade him ’cause yay money.”

But then after he came and I let him out of the wrist cuffs he just started gathering up his stuff and left, as though it was obvious we were done. Like a goal had been reached. Didn’t offer to get me off in return or anything. So…was he still thinking of that as a business transaction, then?

I had fun, and I wasn’t yet ready to orgasm in front of him or be naked or anything, but the fact that he didn’t even offer orgasms makes it very much feel like a service topping session to me and not an interpersonal funtimes thing. And so if we do it again I’ll want to continue being paid, to make up for the aftersnuggles and reciprocity I’d be missing out on.

And yes, I know the ideal thing would have been to negotiate the session much more clearly beforehand: did “foot massage” mean “foot massage, then foot job” to him? Or really just a massage? Or did he just wanna start with a massage and move on to other stuff? Etc., etc. But remember, this guy was cute enough that I was gonna see him for free and would have made out with him for free and might even have gotten him off. He’s the one who offered money for whatever reason. So I was pretty willing to go with the flow.

If we get together sometime for more of the same and I insist upon being paid again, this will bring me closer to full-service sex work than I’ve been before. I feel somewhat conflicted about it, for opposing reasons: I’m not charging enough! I’m a bad person for charging at all!

Also, despite him leaving right after he came, I wonder whether he felt like all the kissing and whatnot had moved this over to a personal thing and if I ask for money next time he’ll be all offended or whatever.

Meh. We’ll see if he even contacts me again. He seems pretty flaky.

Some fun things about the evening, though:

He’s big into wrestling, and taught me some moves. And he’s got such a polite vibe about him that his impromptu lessons didn’t freak me out even though he got on top of me at one point and was behind me showing me a choke hold at another. He seems totally gung ho to teach me more things, and I’d like to learn.

Once I restrained him I discovered that the insides of his upper arms are really sensitive. I’m not positive he knew this about himself before; he seemed somewhat surprised by how utterly I could reduce him to a puddle. I was stroking/kissing/licking from his inner elbows up his biceps and he went all weak in the knees. Kissing his neck and blowing lightly across his ears worked, too. People think that guys’ sexuality is super straightforward and they just want you to go straight to the dick, but either that’s totally bullshit or I keep happening to meet guys who melt with foreplay.

At one point I grabbed his erection and squeezed it pretty hard. Like not sexy-hard, but intent-to-cause-pain hard. He made a lot of noise when I did that. “Is this good or bad?” I asked. He said he didn’t know. I tightened my grip until he was howling and maintained intense eye contact with him, softly asking “good or bad? Good or bad?” until he finally said it was a bad kind of pain and I immediately let go. “I knew you could come to a decision,” I said, grinning. He grinned back and we kept making out.

Y’know…I don’t think he had any specific plans for the night beyond foot massage. Maybe he was hoping to get off, but I don’t think he was expecting it. He very much let me guide how far things went and in what direction. When I restrained him in my hallway I asked what I should do to him and he bashfully said he didn’t know; in retrospect I think he was afraid to make demands of me because he was as uncertain about the terms of the session as I was. So I asked if he was up for mean stuff or happy stuff and he said both. And thus I was rough with him and punched him and bit him and slapped him but also in between that there was the making out and light touching that turned him to Jell-o. I was the one who initiated the kissing. He noted that he had an erection but didn’t in any way ask me to interact with it; I was the one who started rubbing him a bit through his pants, then eventually asked him if it would be okay for me to pull them down, then started stroking him and finally got lube so I could do it in earnest.

The whole visit took closer to an hour and a half than our agreed-upon hour, but I’m not terribly upset about that. Still an okay way to make a hundred bucks.

So yeah. That happened.



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4 responses to “Confusing.

  1. kal

    You have great observation and insight. I’m a male. I have no clue beyond what you shared as to the guy’s motivations and intent. I’d say put yourself in his shoes. If it were me, I’d say either:
    1) I manipulated my way to orgasm, got the prize and left
    2) I was manipulated to orgasm, which can be confusing. And though my behavior was inappropriate in leaving, I was clueless and didn’t know what else to do.

    Either way money was involved. So perhaps:
    1) I’m comfortable paying for pro-domme services
    2) I tried something new (i.e. fantasy about money domination), got in over my head and got confused

    As to not offering to get you off, perhaps one reason might be:
    1) Not into you
    2) Paid pro services
    3) Got in over my head, confused, and lost sense of reality what to do after I came
    4) Combination of some of the above

    Anyway hope my male viewpoint is of help. Best regards.

  2. kal

    In addition, I’d say clarify your needs and wants from him. Have a comfortable heart to heart. Let him know you are confused. Find out what happened from his perspective.

    Be prepared to hear answers you don’t like without reacting. Take the reality for what it is and don’t “hope” it into what you want.

    Best regards

  3. Pingback: Less confusing. | hiding in plain sight

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