:)

So yeah. Very nice visit with The Pedant. Except that he ended up being hours later than he said he was going to, and I’m not sure if my anxiety is exaggerating things but it feels like he’s late every fucking time these days. It bothers me.

He had a good excuse – his mom had hurt her neck and was just out of the hospital but still not healed yet, and The Pedant was stuck taking care of her. This kinda seems like something he could have predicted would happen, though, and given me a heads-up about much earlier than he did (I got the “Oops so instead of being at your place for 2pm I’ll be there after 6” at 1:30. And he lives an hour away from me. Sooooo why was he texting me half an hour after he should have left?).

And we’d had an unusually long time apart as it was, plus he’s been so busy with work that he wasn’t texting/calling as much as before, so I was in serious Pedant withdrawal and it just about killed me to get the “I’ll be late” text right before I thought he would get here.

But he finally got here and I couldn’t bring myself to grill him about why things played out the way they did. Because, first off, he seems to have fears about me becoming “too possessive” and trying to put a claim on all his free time, and me freaking out about “how could you not have told me sooner that you would be late, why are you never on time, I feel like I’m not important to you” would probably have come off as demanding and possessive to him. It would have been within my rights to ask him that shit, and I do think he didn’t handle the situation well, but I chickened out.

Also, though, he doesn’t actually like his mom and I assume he would rather have been fucking me than making food for her, so he probably had a pretty rough day. And I’d been missing him. So I opted to stay silent and just try to enjoy his company rather than addressing the lateness.

Anyway, he took me out for sushi and when we got home I chained his wrists to the eye-screws in my doorframe and had a grand old time kissing and groping him. God, the ass on this boy. You have no idea. I spent quite a while crouching behind him just running my hands up the backs of his legs while staring at DAT ASS. Odd how “body worship” is thought of as a submissive thing. I would imagine a lot of what I do with my partners constitutes body worship but it just purely feels like “yay, I have a hot plaything, I’m gonna enjoy him” to me. Which just goes to show that intent is everything, I guess.

After a while I let his arms down – I don’t think it’s good for a person to have their arms chained up like that for more than fifteen minutes, circulation-wise. I walked into the bedroom and he remained standing in the hallway so without thinking I said “come” like you’d call a dog. He came into the bedroom and I shut the door behind him and told him to kneel and remove the rest of my clothing – I was stripped to the waist by then but still had my pants and socks on. He did as he was told* and as soon as he got me naked he kind of flung his arms around my legs and pressed himself against me, his face in my lower belly. It’s like he’d been waiting all night for that moment of kneeling before me and waiting to do whatever I wanted.

I stroked his hair and shoulders and tried not to go completely weak in the knees. And then I backed up a step, sat on the edge of the bed, and guided his face between my legs. He quickly and enthusiastically went to work.

It was nice, and it turned me on, but it wasn’t going to get me off. Not even close, really. My libido is all messed up lately. But I decided to segue the oral sex into activities that would get me off. My idea was to get “my turn” first so I wouldn’t be relying on a sleepy post-coital Pedant for it. I had him fuck me with my favourite dildo while I Hitachi’d myself, and eventually I came. Oh, but during all of this The Pedant started kissing me and his chin was just disgustingly coated with drool from when he went down on me (and possibly some of my own fluids. But mostly – just trust me on this – drool). So offputting. I wiped it with my hand several times but since he has a beard, the drool had kinda soaked in and couldn’t just wipe off if you see what I mean. Small price to pay for all the other lovely things happening, but in future I’ll try to surreptitiously wring the drool out of his face-fur before he can kiss me.

And then came more kissing/teasing/touching of The Pedant, and then riding of The Pedant, and he actually opened his eyes for a few seconds right before he came and his eyes rolled up in his head. I love making eye contact with him during sex and wish he’d do that more. And this time when he pulled me close to him it felt like he was trying to be close to me rather than trying to hide his face from me. But who the hell knows. At any rate, once we were embracing, his orgasm belated jumped across into my brain and I had a wee little cry. He did not seem alarmed by this and did not question it, although I doubt he understood what was going on. Oh also during his orgasm itself he scrunched his body in such a way that I realized he needed me to stop thrusting and not touch his nipples. His climax was so intense that he just wanted me to go completely still while he went off inside me. HOT.

Getting “my turn” first didn’t work the way I’d hoped it would because The Pedant’s orgasm had gotten me turned on again. I flung myself off him, got the Hitachi, and handed him the dildo again. “I want you to fuck me with this. Doesn’t have to be super-vigorous or anything. I just wanna feel something.” The Pedant sleepily complied and I got off twice. Way deeper, more satisfying orgasms than the previous one had been, too. I set the toys aside and curled up in his arms, shuddering. “Nothing in the world turns me on as much as watching you come,” I whispered, and we fell asleep.

In the morning I made some vague sexual overtures toward him but he said he was still tapped out from the night before and suggested we go out for breakfast, instead. That sounded like a fine idea.

After that I had him mule home cat litter and a dozen cans of cat food from my local pet supply store, and then I set about finding something for us to watch on Netflix. While I noodled around with the remote, The Pedant gathered up a bunch of dirty dishes lying round the living room (not ones we’d used together – just mine) and put them in the kitchen, then tidied up the clutter on my couch, then lint-brushed the cat hair off the couch.

I have mixed feelings about this. He seems to have upped his tidying game ever since I mentioned that my ideal submissive would do domestic chores; I think he’s doing these things as submissive gestures. Which is fucking amazing if true. But he’s not being open about his intentions, so I don’t know for sure what they are. Which makes my paranoid brain wonder if this is more like a pity thing because I’m obviously so fucked up I can’t take basic adult care of myself. If he’s submitting then it’s sexy as fuck but if he’s being my nursemaid then it’s…not. Plus, although I do dig it a lot when a sub tries to anticipate my needs and do them without being asked, I also enjoy telling someone what to do and seeing that cheerful obedience. I would love love love it if The Pedant gave me permission to issue orders outside the bedroom. I kind of think he wouldn’t even mind taking minor tidying-orders in and of itself – but he might balk in a meta way, at the idea that I’m expanding my authority (eeek! Possessiveness! Where will it stop? What lengths will I force him to go to?).

I’m low on spoons lately and really appreciate the ways that The Pedant makes my life easier. I just wish I knew for sure that his intentions were submissive, and I wish I could ask for the things I want rather than just taking my chances that he might do them. I mean if he’s tidying anyway, why can’t I direct him to do whatever chore I want done the most? 😛

Anyway. I put on Brooklyn Nine Nine, a show he’d seemed to enjoy before, and he sat down and opened his arms to me** and I fell asleep on his chest as he held me and occasionally petted my hair or massaged the side of my neck that I fucked up a few days ago. After an hour or two I sleepily turned myself the other way and put my feet in his lap, and asked him to massage them, which he did.

Then I woke up and wanted MOAR SEX before I had to leave for my evening modeling shift. I decided to be blatant about it – to exert my authority as a dominant – and I paused the move he’d been watching and started kissing him. He said he was still(!) feeling spent and that making out was fine but he didn’t think he could do much more than that. He never used to be so direct in telling me things like that. I appreciate that.

I kept on kissing him and touching him and all of a sudden he was hard and moaning. I dragged him into the bedroom and had him fuck me with the dildo again while I got off – I wanted penetration and orgasms and it’s harder (if not impossible) to come while The Pedant’s cock is inside me). Then I got out the vibrating cock ring The Pedant had brought over last time and we took it for a proper test drive, first with me on top and grinding down into it and then with The Pedant on top. I even taught The Pedant that move The Bunny used to do where he’d simultaneously press into me and flex his cock inside me (although I didn’t say it was someone else’s move). After a while The Pedant said “I don’t think I can keep going” and I think his voice sounded ever-so-slightly vulnerable or apologetic. Fascinating that when we were going out the first time around he often came across as not thinking of anyone but himself (I’d ask him to do a thing I liked and he’d go “Nah, that doesn’t turn me on,” for instance), but now he’s focused on me. I told him that I didn’t think I could keep going with the sex either, but that I’d gotten the closeness I needed so thank you for that.

And I made us some dinner and then we left, him to a friend’s place, me to work. The first leg of our journey was in the same direction and I kissed his cheek and murmured “Let’s do this again soon, okay?”

“Yes,” The Pedant said.

“Let me know,” I said. Because I mean it: I want to see him again soon. Sooner than usual. Because it had been longer between visits than is usual for us and he arrived hours later than planned so we didn’t get enough time together. I’m not quite sated yet. I want more. I hope he can come back soon.

 

 

 

*I had to tell him to shimmy down my pants on alternating sides to get them over my hips, and even then he kind of didn’t have the knack of it. The Bunny actually knew to do that without me even telling him, and when I marveled out loud at his prowess he said “Yeah, well, how do you think I get my pants off?” and it’s true – he was pretty hippy for a guy. Plus his ass was enormous.

**Oh, neuroplasticity and muscle memory, you bitches. For almost a decade of marriage my ex and I always, always watched movies/tv shows with him sitting on the “driver’s side” of the couch and me lying with my feet in his lap. When The Pedant sat on the “passenger’s side” with the expectation of me leaning against him, it was downright jarring. It wasn’t that I’d expected him to read my mind. It was that I’d literally forgotten there was any other configuration that two people could watch tv in.

 

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