Some 28 year old dom messaged me on FetLife the other day. At first he intrigued me because he had actually read my profile and some of my writings and told me he’d had a bit of experience on the sub side and wanted to try more. Specifically, he really liked ass play and wanted to try impact play and other rough stuff. I had my reservations because a) listed as dominant on profile b) more pics of his dick than anything else and c) his whole activity feed was just him “loving” and commenting on pics of hot women.

But he’d read my writings. Nobody who hits on me ever fucking bothers to read my writings.

So I indulged him for a bit. I even – briefly – thought it might be worthwhile to meet him in person and see if there was any chemistry. But his air of “I’m just making small talk in order to pry her legs open. Chicks dig small talk, right?” became more and more palpable.

Like, he started out asking me all these things about how tall I am and whether I might be able to beat him up…okay sure, I like beating guys up, let’s see where this conversation goes. Then he proposed we meet up for a beverage at some point and I wasn’t against that but I was a little worried we’d have nothing to talk about, given that we’d literally only discussed the logistics of BDSM play. I didn’t fancy sitting across from some dude who spent the entire time being like “and what else would you do to me?” so I steered the messages toward the typical “getting to know you” stuff in order to try to dredge up a real conversation and some hints of personality from him.

He willingly told me about his hobbies etc. when I asked, and asked about mine in return, but in the middle of that he was all “Wanna see how turned on I am right now?”

I replied “Nah, I’m good” and kept on making small talk (dude has like five pics of his erect dick on his profile. Dafuq do I need to see another one for, even if I liked that sort of thing?!?). He obligingly went along with the nonsexual conversation and didn’t try to wedge sex in there again.

But today he started up with some small talk but then out of the blue was like “So hey can I ask, what size are your boobs? ;)”

The most irritating thing about that (there are many irritating things about it, but this is the biggest, to me) is that you can see my tits in some of my profile pictures. And he’d “loved” at least one of those. So he clearly wasn’t asking how big they are in order to establish whether he’d find me sexually appealing*. He knows very well how big they are, how proportionate they are to my frame, how they sit, and that he likes looking at them. What he wants is to know the arbitrary number written on my bra tag so he can see if it matches up to some porny expectation of his. Like I’m a trophy. I bet if I’d lied and said I’m a B-cup he would have lost interest somewhat because porn/society/whatever is very clear that D (or higher) boobs are the best ones. But if I’d told him I’m a D or DD (which I am, currently), he’d be sitting there jerking off going “Yeah, baby. I’m talking to a chick with D-cups!” *wank*wank*wank*

I just so totally do not have time for that bullshit. So I blocked him.

On a related note, a woman on a FetLife thread said it’s totally a guy thing to want to quantify everything. She said that she can always tell when a guy online is pretending to be a woman because he’ll always put things in terms of numbers in a way that women generally do not. Like, every time she sees someone going “Oooh, lookit me, I’m a hot bi chick and I’ve had sex with 49 women and given them an average of 15 orgasms during each session of sex, which lasted between one and three hours” she’s thinking “no you’re not and no you didn’t because you are a guy.

That sounds pretty legit to me, actually. Not like every guy in the world is numbers-focused, or that no woman ever is, but statistically guys do socialize more by bragging about shit and trying to one-up each other (vs. women who tend to socialize by talking about how bad they are at shit and waiting to be consoled – a habit I’ve gotten out of and that irritates the shit out of me when I see it now). It would make a lot of sense for dudes to be inclined toward quantifying everything so they can prove (to themselves and to others) that they’re the best or have the most.


*Inappropriate to ask that, anyway, IMO. If I’d been like “Hey let’s get together and fuck,” then sure, ask me things about my appearance in order to get an idea of whether you’d wanna fuck me. But “Hey let’s maybe go for coffee and assess whether there’s any chemistry because you seem like maybe you could be an interesting sub/bottom for me” is not something that warrants “what size are your boobs?” as a response. Also, given that he a) approached me first and b) allegedly wanted to be my submissive, it seems like he should be talking about what he has to offer me, not demanding I tell him whether my bra size is up to his standards. I didn’t sign up to be part of a beauty pageant. I was just sitting around online minding my own business when this idiot started hitting on me.

1 Comment

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One response to “Ugh.

  1. Weasel

    ‘Like, every time she sees someone going “Oooh, lookit me, I’m a hot bi chick and I’ve had sex with 49 women and given them an average of 15 orgasms during each session of sex, which lasted between one and three hours” she’s thinking “no you’re not and no you didn’t because you are a guy.’

    AHAHAHAHAHA. Ha. ha… heh.

    I notice this all the time while reading novels… I’d say I can tell with ~99% certainty the gender of an author by the emphasis put on quantifying things. And as I just proved, I do it to! I catch myself making lists and assigning values to all sorts of things, then running off to research if they are reasonable. Because in my head that’s important!

    And yet… many of my favorite authors are women; in come cases, their writing is pretty well devoid of quantifiable metrics… and it never bothers me in the least, whereas a few of the male authors that I generally quite enjoy will get lost in a 5-page summary of forces that makes my eyes glaze over, even though I might write something much like it.

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