Ever since the incident where The Pedant briefly became monogamous with OtherGirl back in the summer – leaving me out in the cold – I felt as though he was a flight risk who might ditch me for someone else at any moment. I developed a theory that The Pedant loves me, but I’m not (for whatever reason) the kind of person he sees himself being with long-term so he’s kinda biding his time with me until someone comes along who looks better on paper.
I just remembered:
He’d started dating OtherGirl while he and I were broken up.
Then I came along and asked to be with him again, and he said sure but he’d found someone who was “long-term material” so he’d be focusing on her. But – duh – he didn’t choose OtherGirl as his “long-term material” over me because she likes the “right” music or dresses the “right” way or whateverthefuck and I don’t. He saw her as the safer bet because they’d been seeing each other a few months and it was going well, whereas I was just asking to get back together with him after having broken up with him rather abruptly a year before. All else being equal, of course he’s gonna put more eggs in her basket. Totally reasonable.
And I still think that he decided to be monogamous with her and “build the relationship” because his feelings for me were distractingly strong and he was afraid to mess up an apparently stable relationship because of a possibly unstable one. And, indeed, the very first time we tried to hang out as friends the pull between us was so strong that he ended up throwing the monogamy out the window and reinstating me as a partner. After fucking me. 😛
Shortly after he and OtherGirl broke up, I told him that I’ve come to accept some of his quirks that had bothered me before and that (up until he suddenly bailed on me to be with OtherGirl) I’d actually considered him to be “long-term material,” myself. I mean I don’t wanna marry him or live with him but I adore him and kind of hoped/assumed he’d be in my life indefinitely. I think this reassured him of my intentions and allowed him to start trusting me more.
And now he is totally and obviously smitten with me and calling me his primary partner and wanting me to reserve sex toys for our use only.
So I can probably stop feeling so insecure and second-best.