Where was I? Oh yes:
Pedant: It’s more that I’d like us to have items to use as a couple; I don’t want to say “only these” because I’d be turning down things which I might turn out to enjoy.
Me: Cool. There is at least one item I hope to introduce you to eventually.
Pedant: Do tell. [Oh…crap. I wasn’t expecting him to ask for details. That’s awkward. The item in question is essentially a strap-on dick, and I know that the idea of being fucked that way is a bit discomfiting to him – or at least it was a while ago when I asked how he felt about it. For some reason he seemed to assume that pegging is automatically a rough/vigorous activity. I assured him, then, that it doesn’t have to be, any more than him putting his penis in someone has to be rough. And then I dropped the subject so as not to make him feel pressured. Well, fuck it. Might as well tell him, since he asked…]
Me: [Along with a picture of my Tantus Realdoe, a dildo that attaches to me via a “handle” that goes in my vagina so there’s no harness needed] This has been uppermost in my mind. Modest girth and the bulbous end goes in my front door so there’s kind of a mutual trust thing. It’s guaranteed that I won’t be rough with you because I CAN’T. A Vulcan nether-meld of sorts. I feel what you feel. I know what you know.
Pedant: Maybe one day. For now, let’s stay with the significantly smaller items.
Me: I assumed. 🙂 Although it may not be as much of a step up as you think [and here I sent him a pic of the plug I’ve used on him, sitting next to the Realdoe. The “heads” on both items are approximately the same size.]
Pedant: Being able to close shut is rather comfortable. 😉 [He’s referring to the way the plug narrows considerably at the base while the Realdoe’s shaft is one even thickness all the way down]
Me: I would imagine so. And that is indeed the main difference here. Anyway, it’s a thought that crossed my mind. A thought, but not a GOAL, if you see what I’m saying. I’m all about the journey, over here. 🙂 [This is me trying to make sure The Pedant isn’t freaked out about me wanting to peg his ass]
Pedant: I wonder if they make a version of the one which is closer in size to the other? [OMGOMGOMG. The Pedant is down with being pegged as long as the implement I use is pretty little. This is a huuuuge step for him!]
Me: I think that may be the smallest. It’s the “Realdoe Slim” and there’s a “Realdoe Stout” on the market too. But not a “Realdoe Mini” that I can recall. [New message] “Realdoe Diminutive” [New message] “Realfawn”
[We got on a big tangent about whether double dildos like the Realdoe provide much stimulation for my end of things. Then:]
Me: …I just realized that I totally sent you dick pics. Albeit solicited ones.
Pedant: I see no one by the name of Richard in any of those images.
Me: …You’re welcome to send one back. And you know I’m not talking about a photograph of Dick Cheney or a rooster. [Here’s the thing: The Pedant has dodged the taking of sexy photos before. And yet when I asked if any of his exes might have naked pics of him, he said probably. Which made me wonder why he dodged me. Is he just not a person who distributes naked pics of himself anymore, or was there some more mundane reason, like he thought he was having a bad hair day the time(s) I asked?]
Pedant: The camera on this thing blows compared to yours. You’ll get to do all sorts of things to me in person in about 24 hours.
Me: [Not about to let him dodge again] …are you inviting me to photograph you myself? 😉
Pedant: I thought you were more interested in painting me.
Me: I paint from photos. I have in fact been having to urge to paint you. As is usual for me when I’m smitten with someone. Although a concrete composition idea hasn’t yet presented itself.
Pedant: We can talk about that in some detail on Saturday.
Me: 🙂 [new message] Your prettiness should be immortalized one way or another. [new message] FOR THE GOOD OF SOCIETY. [new message] THE PEOPLE NEED YOU. [new message] Okay I’m done now. 😛
Pedant: Aw, thank you. [He’s getting so much better at taking a compliment lately…] We’ll figure that out. I imagine that I’ll be used for other purposes entirely when I arrive on Friday night.
Me: Oh yes. Yes indeed.
Pedant: On that note, I have to crash. Sleep well.
Me: You too. ❤
So…it maybe kind of sounds like he’d let me photograph him, under specific circumstances. Or he’s just planning on dodging me some more. I know I’m kind of a blunt instrument when I want something, and I don’t want to make The Pedant feel pressured or uncomfortable, so probably I’ll let the subject go for now unless he brings it up. I can live without photos of his sexy ass. Especially since I don’t have an idea for a painting burning in my head (when I’m artistically inspired I feel antsy and itchy and insane until I can put my ideas down on canvas).
Oh, speaking of that, The Pedant recently inspired me to make my first non-digital art piece in years. I’m gonna give it to him as a gift. It’s a palm-sized painting of an anatomical heart, on fire. Seems like it might fit in with his goth aesthetic well enough for him to want to display it, but even if not, well, I mainly just wanted him to have an expression of my love. I’ve wrapped it and will either sneak it into his backpack or give it to him as he’s leaving and tell him to open it on the bus. Probably the latter since that way I’ll at least know for sure when he got it. He never did acknowledge that love letter I sent him whatsoever and the slight possibility that it got lost in the mail drives me crazy sometimes.
A few months back I got The Pedant a wee gift that I thought would totally be a home run: a tin of beard conditioning balm with a Star Trek theme. The Pedant has a beard that I know he takes fastidious care of (including conditioner of some kind), and he’s a Trekker, so this is great, right? And yet he seemed puzzled by it, and turned the tin over and over in his hands and finally blurted out, “I probably won’t get much use out of this.” I was kind of flabbergasted that he would say that right to my face. He knew I’d bought it at a weekend craft fair and couldn’t return it. And, despite him often claiming that he doesn’t understand social customs, I’m sure he normally knows enough not to dis a gift someone bought for him. He’s usually more diplomatic than that. So I don’t know what happened there but it definitely makes me not want to give him a gift directly ever again unless it’s a very cheap impulse item.
And yet I still have the urge sometimes to give him things that took time and effort. So this is why I do things like mail him a letter instead of telling him mushy stuff to his face, or make him a painting and make sure I’m not around when he opens it.
I know he appreciates the thought behind things, and that’s good enough. I don’t need to know whether the things themselves are appealing to him.