I am choosing not to worry about The Pedant anymore – to the extent that I can choose not to worry about anything. Which is maybe not much, given that I have anxiety disorders and I’ve stopped taking medication for them. But my text conversations with The Pedant are still chugging along so everything’s probably fine. I think the times I sensed hesitancy or unusually long silences or curtness were just him being like he always is and me overanalyzing it to death.
At some point I’m gonna tell him that when I say “I love you” I don’t mean “all your time are belong to me.” I just mean that I love him, and that I like how things are with us. Right now. As is. I think my friend Dom has a point when he speculated that The Pedant can’t say the words back because he’s afraid they’ll mark the End of All Fun and the beginning of strangling commitment. The first time I brought up to The Pedant that I was having feelings for him and should I let myself do that or…? he said it was fine as long as I didn’t get possessive. And a few times recently he asked me to reiterate that he can see other people and I won’t get jealous as long as certain precautions are taken (like not springing new relationships on me!). I’m sensing a running theme.
But the “take my love at face value and stop freaking out for Pete’s sake” conversation seems best saved for in person.