But here’s a weird thing…

The Pedant mentioned in passing that he’s dated a few “plus sized” women in the past. It came up because I was bitching about women’s clothing and how it doesn’t seem to be made for anyone with actual hips and breasts. He offered anecdotes about plus-size exes who also had problems buying clothes (one of whom was OtherGirl, his most recent ex with whom he “really saw a future”). His tone when mentioning these plus-size exes was factual and didn’t imply judgement or regret.

So maybe his previous tossed-out comments about “So-and-so really let herself go” and “pffft! Medication doesn’t make you fat” were just one-offs and not indicative of some huge fat-hate problem. I hope so.

7 Comments

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7 responses to “But here’s a weird thing…

  1. Sorry to hijack your post comments, but would you email me? You don’t have an email address here anymore, do you, so I could start the conversation? Or Fetlife chat me. If you feel like it! No pressure! It’s my name and gmail dot com.

  2. joooyous

    But but what if maybe he saw a future with her that involved him telling her to exercise more over and over. =/

    • Ha! I considered that, but he’s not really like that. He only told ME to exercise because I appeared to be asking his advice on my weight gain.

      Other times, when I appeared to be asking for advice on my anxiety, he said it would probably be a good idea for me to exercise more because that’s good for anxiety (as he knows because a previous gf was a very anxious type and when she was working out really hard this improved exponentially)..

      Likewise, with my filthy cluttered shithole apartment, I know he doesn’t LIKE the mess but he keeps his mouth shut about it unless I tell him I want to fix it but don’t know where to begin, and then he’ll offer advice or help.

      But he doesn’t police me. At all. No hinting, no nagging, no I-told-you-so type shit. He gives input on my life only when I ask for it; he’s supportive without being bossy or annoying.

      I can’t see him being any different with another partner.

      • …And yeah, I’m marveling/gushing at his supportiveness a little bit, here. Because I’ve never had a partner like this before, who seemed to both accept me as I am AND want me to be at my best.

        Everyone I’ve seriously dated either liked and nurtured the fucked-up things about me because it made me easier to control (like my ex husband) or got irritated with my issues and yelled at me to fix myself (like Minx. And ALSO my ex husband, weirdly, near the end). Or just looked kind of frozen in panic and avoided discussing the issues at all because they had no idea how to handle them.

        This thing where I’m loved for who I am but encouraged to try to be a better version of myself, sometime, if I’m up to it, if not that’s okay – that’s new.

      • joooyous

        Yeah, it didn’t really sound like he was. But that also makes other commenting on weight even more crazy! Because then it means that the comment about the person who “let herself go” is just some sort of social hierarchy things, but if *he* doesn’t care about weight in an interpersonal context, then maybe her partners/family/friends/etc. don’t either! = no one cares = social fatshaming is bullshit = no point in commenting at all. I like never cease to be amazed at how hard people compartmentalize sometimes.

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