The Bunny came over tonight and we hung out and watched NetFlix, just kinda sprawled on my couch beside each other but not touching.
Until at one point I yawned and stretched and I guess my shirt rode up and The Bunny ran his finger along the exposed skin at my waist. I liked it and it felt good so I made a purring noise by way of assent and he kept doing it – not constantly throughout the entire evening, but intermittently. During one such interlude I even pulled my shirt up a bit further to allow him more access, and he did take advantage of this, but mostly his fingers stayed right at the extreme curve where my waist meets my hip. A lot of guys have obsessed on that curve and wanted to run their hands along it. Their obvious admiration is one of the reasons I stopped hating my wide hips.
Things didn’t go any further than intermittent hip-touching and The Bunny putting his arm around me for a bit when I shifted position (or more like resting his arm on top of the cushion that happened to be behind me), and that’s fine. Oh, and when we hugged goodbye I think he made an almost-imperceptible feint toward me to kiss my cheek but then thought better of it, although I could be mistaken.
Normally I’d think he might be angling for a snuggly sort of friendship; I think when I broke up with him I said I’d like to one day get back to a point of being able to snuggle and watch movies but on a platonic basis, and maybe he wants this, too. But in light of him texting me a picture of his ass recently I’d say he’s got more than nonsexual snuggles in mind.
But I know he’ll probably never have the balls to actually ask for it, and I’m ambivalent about having sex with him again but love being snuggled and caressed, so for the time being I plan to ignore any further signals he sends out and just enjoy what’s on offer. He can either suffer or learn to use his words.
Even if he does use his words, though, I don’t think I’ll want to go back to sexing him on a regular basis. I guarantee you if I ask him why he had erectile dysfunction with me (and only me) and had long periods of being averse to SM play with me (and only me) he won’t know. I guarantee you if I asked him what he would do to avoid that whole situation repeating itself, he wouldn’t know. My theory is that he has Groucho Marx syndrome (“I wouldn’t be a member of any club that would have me”) and stopped wanting sex with me because I wanted him so much. I think he has self-esteem issues that made him thrive on how effusive and into him I was – and become turned off by me because of what he perceived as my awful taste in men.
He still fishes for compliments from me. Actually that may be the real reason he texted me his ass: not as a sexual overture but simply because he wanted me to send him swoony text messages in reply so he could feel all attractive and shit. But we’re not dating anymore; a lot of the sparkle and glow has faded from him because I’m not looking at him through love goggles anymore, and also I resent being compliment-fished by the guy who couldn’t get it up for me for months on end. Your boner died whenever I was in the same room with it and you want me to reassure you that you’re desirable? Fuck off.