Maybe I let my anxiety get away from me when I was thinking about my financial future.

I have enough money in the bank right now to cover December rent (provided I don’t withdraw any in the meantime, obviously, and I don’t think I’ll have to since I have a couple of cash gigs coming up. Although, my credit card bill is due…I guess I can’t pay it until another cheque or two comes in…). The amount I’m expecting to trickle in via cheque over the next month or so for work done in November (and also a late payment from a school that forgot to pay me for a bunch of shifts since September and I only just noticed it now) is $1,560, not $900ish as I’d predicted.

In December my gigs dry up substantially, but I still have some, to the tune of $900, so I’ve almost covered January’s rent right there. I’ll need to dip into that $1,560 for food and bills but that should still leave me with a thousand bucks.

I’ll also be continuing to sell my art in that store where I rent a booth, and doing Christmas craft fairs most weekends in December. If things go the way they have in previous years, I stand to make a few hundred bucks from that.

So I might be more like two months ahead, not just one. Plus my parents are going to give me some money, although I have no idea how much so I’m not counting on it to save me or anything.

If I keep on working at the same soul-killing rate in the new year, I could theoretically make another “extra” two grand by the time the schools close for summer and work slows down. So maybe – if I don’t have some sort of breakdown trying – I’ll actually be able to survive most of next summer without assistance. W00t.

In the meantime, I’m applying for disability. If that goes through (I’m guessing it won’t, but if) then I’ll have a safety net for the slow periods which means I can start pacing how much I work during the school year, like I did back when I still had the dregs of my office-work nest egg to rely on.

If I only could have the time to stop and breathe every now and then, I could work harder at my art and porning activities and maybe establish a steady and viable stream of income. But I can hardly do fucking anything lately because my entire life is just this hellish circle of work – go home – collapse – work.


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3 responses to “Well.

  1. Angelique

    What is the nature of your disability?

      • Hi! ^_^ I don’t know how it works there, but in here you need to have a doctor and a therapist first treat you for a time and then write you a paper proving you have a disability. If it’s not the case there, I’m betting it could still really help you make your case. Do you have a history of treatment? I’m remembering something of the kind. You’d really deserve some help tackling that financial side of your life. I can’t even imagine doing that much of art modeling. I remember 4 hrs per day knocking me out for good back in the day.

        Also, I don’t quite remember what happened when you split with Minx, but I remember you were looking for an apartment and worrying about the cost – is it feasible you’d move now on in the near future of a year? 950 a month is so much it’s really hard to cover (but it’s as costly to live where I live, so I understand that sometimes we can’t choose, blargh). Even if the rent would be a 100 less, it would save you many days’ work and energies for porning your heart out either for cash of just for the fun of it!

        I’m sending jedi hugs and relaxing energies. And Christmas miracles, of course. ❤

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