Sigh.

I saw Mine the other day. Ostensibly this was just a catching-up-as-friends thing, but I figured sex and play were on the table (he’s said before that they would be, and I suppose he could have changed his mind in the meantime, but yeah). I wasn’t sure how I’d feel when I saw him. Turns out I felt okay, and we started kissing almost immediately after he got in the door. Then he took me out to dinner. Then back at my place some sexual stuff happened.

So this was all pretty fun but I’m kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think I’ve fallen out of love with him and we could perhaps mellow into a FWB sorta thing, but it’s possible that the intimacy of shared kink and orgasms will drum up all my old feelings for him. Or, what if I am indeed over him but he has feelings for me, still? The situation seems somewhat fraught but it would be a shame to miss out on the kinky funtimes so I guess we’ll see what happens.

I must point out, though, that the main reason I broke up with him was his unpredictability – he was always making plans with me and then breaking them and the cycle of excitement and disappointment was fucking me up to a point where I couldn’t even let myself look forward to future plans lest they be snatched away.

Our recent visit happened on a Sunday. Originally it was supposed to be the previous weekend, but then Mine texted me to say his mom (with whom he shares the car) had a church luncheon thing to go to and he wasn’t positive when it would end but he could come over right after that. I opted to postpone to another day instead because waiting around for undetermined plans to start drives me fucking insane.

On the Sunday, things went off without a hitch and we made plans for him to see me the following Saturday (i.e. tomorrow). He just texted me to say that it turns out Saturday is his cousin’s birthday and there’s a dinner thing he has to go to but he could come by at like ten pm. That doesn’t work for me so once again I said we should just postpone.

I’m not even particularly angry. He’s not my sub anymore; he’s a friend who is known to be flaky. Different set of expectations. Still, I’m kinda rolling my eyes and wondering if I should even bother with him anymore. It seems like making plans with someone should be easier than this. Also it seems like it’s probably just a matter of time before I turn down some other good thing in order to keep plans with Mine that he later fucks up, and that will make me angry.

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