Weird things I’ve noticed when I shop for sex toys

  • Even if I set out to buy something to be used on me for my orgasms, I almost always end up looking at stuff to cram up some dude’s ass, instead. Which is silly because I have access to my genitals a whole lot more than i do to a guys’ ass.
  • I don’t like toys that go into me to look like realistic cocks. I do like toys that go into my partner to look like realistic cocks. Or sort of abstract and black, if need be. But in my mind there are cocks that are outward-facing and cocks that are inward-facing and they are two separate categories. Not for hygiene reasons. For psychological reasons.
  • Huge cocks make me feel all manly n shit and I am constantly at war with myself over whether to buy that one that’s so huge I may never get to put it into anyone (but oh, it would be fun to brandish at a guy just to scare him) or that one that’s actually a reasonable size that a typical guy would enjoy. Oh god, I’ve become one of those annoyingly self-centred dudes who wants a porn star cock even though his partners all tell him they like the one he has and a huge one would actually hurt.
  • I guess part of me wants the biggest cock ever because I feel like if I can’t woman correctly, maybe I can man correctly – in that one obvious way, at least. A while back, I went on a shopping date with a budding crossdresser. He ended up buying five or six slutty, skintight dresses that fit him perfectly except for a bit of extra room in the chest where breasts should go. I ended up buying absolutely fuck-all because ironically, women’s clothing is not actually made for anyone with distinct hips or breasts. I was left feeling pretty pissed off that a rail-thin cis-dude could more easily buy sexy female-presenting clothing than I could. My first impulse when I got home was to shop online for the biggest silicone dildo I could find.

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