Smouldering

Apparently my idea of wet-enough-for-penetrative-sex does not match The Pedant’s. His junk got a bit…abraded…during our last encounter. I have promised to use lube from now on whether I personally think it’s needed or not.

Meanwhile I want to fuck him some more but our schedules conflict so I can’t. But our previous few sexings are pretty much on an endless loop in my head. He really does have the most lovely cock – maybe my favourite ever. Not least because it’s attached to him. Him and his preternatural sense of touch and his amazing moans.

Tangent: the last time he was over, for some reason the subject of interracial relationships came up and he mentioned that lots of white chicks date or fetishize black dudes for their alleged bigger dicks (like anyone doesn’t know that). I said that personally I wouldn’t go after black dudes for the dick; there are other features stereotypically associated with that race that I go for in a big way, though, like a firm round ass and full lips.

The Pedant was like “You say you don’t care about dick but you sure seem interested in mine…”

I corrected him: “No, I said I don’t pursue men hoping they have a big dick. I don’t like big dicks. I like yours.”

He gave the most fascinating laugh, then – sort of a flattered-but-uncomfortable epiphany-laugh. “Big” is so utterly conflated with “awesome” when it comes to penises that me complimenting his on not being big must have caused a bit of cognitive dissonance for him. Also I don’t think he actually realized before that his is just average size. Probably if anyone else ever said they liked it or that they enjoyed sex with him, he automatically concluded that it must be huge. So I think he simultaneously learned for the first time that his dick size is statistically average and that this can be a good thing. Paradigms shifting all over the place.

Speaking of which, he lets me fondle and kiss his junk nowadays without snidely telling me he’s not ready to orgasm again yet. Yeah – after like five different times (at least!) of me saying I DON’T JUST TOUCH HIS PENIS BECAUSE I WANT HIM TO COME, I actually just like his cock and caress it for the nice texture sometimes, he’s finally listening. And when I’m fucking him and he realizes he’s not gonna get off, he consistently tells me now. He’s finally unlearning all the usual toxic masculinity shit. Thank Christ.

Anyway. Some recent texting (because I’ve been so fucking hungry for him lately that I needed to say something to him…):

Me: Has your junk recovered from the vaginal exfoliation I gave it? 😛

Pedant: No. 😦

[Awww damn, I just realized I  missed a perfect opportunity to say “you’re welcome ;)” the way he always does when I’m sore after sex…]

Me: I’d offer to kiss it better but I’m quite sure by the time we see each other next it will have healed. In which case I will kiss it betterer. More better. Best?

Pedant:

Me: BITCHEZ LOVE WORDPLAY.

[The next day]

Me: Still daydreaming about kissing you in…places.

Pedant: I’m not sure that counts as a kiss. [He must have been picturing an actual blow job but I was literally referring to kisses…I kiss his cock often and with great relish…]

Me: Of course it does. A trail of them, starting at the base and ending at the frenum where the skin is so delicate and soft.

Pedant: And tender, at the moment.

Me: I’d have to be very gentle. Luckily your sense of touch is so keen that I can unfurl all the subtlety at my disposal and you’ll still…feel…EVERYTHING.  [New message] I’ve always liked to brush smooth-textured things against my lips. A polished stone or the bowl of a spoon or one of your nipples when you’re tied down.

Pedant: Ah, so that’s why you like having me.

Me: It’s one reason.

I’ve accepted the fact that he’s never going to give as good as he gets, sext-wise. I’ve made my peace with it. I never did tell him this stuff just to prompt him to say similar things back; I tell him because I simply want him to know. Or because I’m trying to get him as hot and bothered as I’m feeling at the time. But I like how he at least is seeming a bit more comfortable with it nowadays. He used to do the snarky “you’re welcome” thing almost every time I complimented him (meaning, “you’re welcome for being such good wank fodder for you”). That drove me kinda nuts. But he seems to be coming around to uneasily accepting my compliments instead of deflecting them with snark, and I like it.

Also, can we all just notice that he said I have him? He could have said “that’s why you like my cock so much” or “that’s why you like sleeping with me” but he didn’t. He said “that’s why you like having me.”

I am feeling so much better about the relationship this time around, when I know that we’re both actually calling it one. My newfound sense of security is a big reason why I’m just…smouldering for him constantly. I mean I constantly wanted him before, too, but there was more of an edge of desperation there. I never knew where I stood and rarely knew when I would see him next and I did still really like fucking him and stuff so it was just, like, a constant sense of shortage and panic. Whereas what I feel now is just anticipation.

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