During The Pedant’s last sexvisit I mentioned to him that I really wanted to see pics of him from when he was younger and had a much more goth/raver kid aesthetic and spiky hair. I’ve only seen one blurry photo from that era. The Pedant said that’s actually probably the only pic of it in existence. Booooo.
I told The Pedant that I wish I’d known him back then because I probably would’ve fallen all over myself with lust and been very very gung ho to corrupt his much-less-experienced-than-now self. And he was like “Ehhhhhhh…I hadn’t really figured out how to groom myself well back then. I’m not so sure you’d’ve been into me.”
We talked about this some more and it just really stood out for me how exacting The Pedant is about his grooming. I mean yeah, he has neatly-maintained facial hair and he’s always clean and nice-smelling, but not just out of habit – everything he does with his appearance, I’m realizing, is a very calculated thing. He has a look he’s going for and he upholds it immaculately at all times. He gets clothing custom made so that it fits properly. He has specialized tools for shaving/trimming various parts of his facial hair.
And yet, his look is a manly one. Every other guy I’ve known who was so fastidious and precise about his clothes, hair, etc. was a crossdresser, and put most of that energy into their female persona. Their male side was just, like…”here is a random pair of pants and a shirt to keep me from being naked when I go outside.” Seeing someone perform masculinity instead of presenting as male kinda by default is really hot to me.
On a related note, when I first got my new shaver for my head, The Pedant told me a bunch of tips and tricks for getting the closest shave and I felt like an adolescent boy being mentored by a grown man. It unexpectedly affirmed my identity as genderqueer, and also reminded me that The Pedant genuinely likes tomboyish, no-frills chicks. He doesn’t secretly wish I had long hair. He doesn’t want me to look like a Cosmopolitan cover model. He likes me being kinda butch and kinda punk-rock and is eager to help me be the best version of that that I can be.
Most other guys I know – even if they seem to think I’m attractive in my normal guise – go all wibbly the first time they see a pic of me in a long wig and full makeup. The Pedant, by contrast, saw me in eyeliner once – actually in the mostly-rubbed-off remains of eyeliner – and burst out laughing. He is very vocal in his opinion that makeup makes women look like clowns – an outspokenness that, while rather rude by normal standards, is like a tall drink of water in the desert for me right now. If he criticizes femmey women’s fashion choices to me I will defend them, but he can totally laugh at me in feminine garb all he wants. I’ve actually started fantasizing about coming home to him after a sex work thing and him pulling off my wig and wiping my lipstick off with the back of his hand before he’ll even kiss me…and then telling me to jump in the shower and wash the rest of that shit off so we can fuck.
More Pedant mushiness: yesterday he dropped off a whole assload of stuff for me: a second-hand cell phone to use in my sex work and findomming activities; a thingy that plugs into an outlet and converts it into a big bank of USB charging ports; and, finally, an extension cord to plug the USB thing into. He feels that it would make my life easier if I had a central “charging station” for all my devices and is giving me the materials I need to achieve this.
The extension cord is orange. He had several colours of cord kicking around, but my living room – which is where this “charging station” will be – is orange, so he picked that one so it would blend better. And he customized the cell phone in some ways that he felt would make it more user friendly for me – and set the background colour of the screen to match my hair.
And he was so understated and matter-of-fact about all of this – not being super show-offy and waiting for praise, just quietly working to optimize my life.
He might never say it in words to my actual face, but this boy loves me. I finally get it now.