My night with The Pedant was good. I love fucking him. I was pretty blatant about my interest in banging him when he came over, which is probably why when he arrived he stripped right down to nothing as soon as he got in the door (he doesn’t always).
I came over to him clad only in my fuzzy robe and began kissing him. After a little while I went behind him so I could do things like yank him back against me with a forearm across his chest while groping him with the other hand and biting his neck. I liked having the whole front of his body open to my touch like that. He quickly got to that point where his entire skin was an erogenous zone and touching him anywhere made him shudder and moan. I reached down and swirled my fingertips lightly over the back of his knee – a place I hadn’t really explored before – and he damn near lost his mind. I went back to exploring his nipples and I thought his knees were going to buckle – I wrapped an arm around his middle to help hold him up. When I stepped back, slipped out of my robe, and came forward again to press my naked body against him he made the most delightful sounds.
Our sex has gotten a lot better since I figured out that he’s prone to getting overstimulated after a certain point and not being able to come. I miss those epic all-night sessions where I’d caress him for hours and get him so worked up, but I don’t miss the part where I’d ride him until my thighs hurt and still not get to see the big finish. Now I get him to the point of being lost in what I’m doing to him, let him stay there for a short while, and then cut to the chase. His orgasms seem more consistently strong this way, too. A lovely sight to behold.
We fell asleep with him latched onto me like a barnacle, and every time I shifted he shifted too so as to latch on again in a different way. I slept a bit fitfully because of this – I used to be a big sleep-snuggler but I seem to have become someone who likes to be snuggled to sleep and then we mostly retreat to our separate sides.
When we woke up I started sleepily, affectionately caressing him and he began to make the tiny little pleasure-sounds that let me know his body was warming up and responding to me. I knew it could lead to sex if I wanted, and although I wasn’t actively in the mood for sex per se I love the powerful feeling of being able to manipulate his body into doing stuff, so I decided to proceed. Upon reflection maybe this was a response to feeling out of control with him for a while, what with him suddenly announcing monogamy to his gf and then coming over “platonically” and subjecting me to twelve hours of almost unbearable sexual tension for no reason and blah blah blah. I was sorely in need of having the upper hand for a while.
(Even the night before, the sex, for me, was mostly me just reveling in the predictability of his body; reveling in deciding to make him do a thing and it working perfectly every time. I got myself off afterward more out of habit than anything; I did not feel particularly aroused or pent up, just smugly triumphant.)
When I began seducing The Pedant in earnest, he got into things even more quickly than usual and within minutes I had him writhing and making choking, sobbing sounds as I fondled his cock and nipples. “Do you wanna come?” I asked. He nodded. “Beg me for it,” I said.
He kissed me – I bet so I wouldn’t be looking down at his face from such a distance and seeing him so vulnerable – and whispered “please” against my lips, his words so quiet I almost felt them more than heard them. I think it was difficult for him to be reduced to begging like that. Good.
I let my hand wander back down to his cock and started stroking it again – with purpose, this time, not intermittently as a fluttering little tease. Hand jobs used to be The Pedant’s favourite thing ever, but even as I stroked him he whispered “please” two more times to me between urgent kisses and I realized that he either didn’t get where I was going with that or didn’t want to be finished that way.
I said “do you want to be inside me or do you want me to keep doing this?”
“I want to be inside you” he said, his voice still only barely audible to me, his lips brushing against mine as he formed the words.
I climbed on top of him and rode. He came pretty soon after, spectacularly, and actually whispered “can I please come inside you” first and waited for permission – one of many little things he’s done to try to appeal to my dominance, but I actually liked this one, proving that a stopped clock is still right twice a day. Anyway, his orgasm was tremendous, as almost all of them have been lately since I fine-tuned my timing with him. I could feel his cock throbbing inside me as he came (I can’t always) and he sorta reared up off the pillow in one long stomach crunch, as he always does when it’s a really good one. Near the end of his orgasm throes I brushed both thumbs over his nipples and the sensation whiplashed his spine and made him cry out again – it was like a whole second orgasm tacked onto the first one.. Even once he’d subsided back onto the pillow and it seemed like the show was over, I could flex my Kegel muscles and he’d give a little shudder and his softening cock would jump a little in response. So I lay on him for a while clenching intermittently to feel him twitch.
And then, still straddling him with his spent cock inside me for almost the entire time, I actually initiated the talk I’d been wanting to have with him. Told him that in some ways I considered him to have “long-term potential” with me (because he was die-hard into open relationships and didn’t seem to care about settling down with anyone so I assumed nothing would come between us) and was unpleasantly surprised by him suddenly being all “I met someone and we might move in together and also we’re going to be monogamous well no not really but I need to focus on her.” I asked him if “settling down” was a thing he was actively looking for or if it was just something he’d thought of with this particular woman because they clicked in that way. He said it was the latter. That’s reassuring to me; it means he’s not likely to put me through this shit again anytime soon (unless he and othergirl reconcile, I guess). He doesn’t click with many people.
I also said that while I understood that being poly meant that sometimes a partner of mine will fall hard for someone and start spending more time with them and less with me, the way The Pedant kept saying he was going to focus on othergirl – along with him telling me that sometimes he would be cancelling plans with me in order to be with her – suggested a deliberate decision to treat me as less important. And I very much dislike hierarchal poly with rules etc.
He said that he hates hierarchal poly, too, and never meant the “focus” thing to come off like that. And he said that the cancelling plans on me for her thing was referring to, like, if he was supposed to hang out with me on a particular night but othergirl had tickets for a concert happening that night. Like there would have been pretty legit reasons for him cancelling on me and I’d’ve gotten lots of notice.
So I feel a lot better about things.
I also tried to communicate to The Pedant (though it’s such a vulnerable sentiment that I probably didn’t express it as clearly as I could have) that I think I’ve come to a new stage of acceptance of some of his foibles that used to fuck me up before. I tried to explain to him that when my anxiety issues act up, I get paranoid and can’t tell whether someone’s behaviour is harmless or malevolent…so I tell my friends what’s happening and ask for their input, but the trouble is that society and, I dunno, movie tropes, and I dunno what else, has given people certain ideas about the way things work, so for instance when I asked my friends on input re: The Pedant barely ever contacting me between visits, they were all “Clearly, he’s just using you for sex.” And I’m like “Well I don’t feel like that’s what’s happening here…” and they’re like “No, that’s definitely it. Only a guy who doesn’t care about you except sexually would behave like that.” And it messed my head up. But I told The Pedant that really, he’s never given me any reason to doubt him. He’s never misrepresented himself on purpose or lied to me, as far as I know. So if he promises to tell me if he’s ever losing interest in me, and not just pull a fade, then I can probably be okay with his weird contact protocols.
And The Pedant said that this is actually why he kept saying the thing about how he’d be focusing on othergirl – he actually meant it as “I still like you and am NOT PULLING A FADE but I will probably be spending less time with you for at least a while” because he knows I’ve been burned by The Fade before and tend to freak out when I don’t hear from a guy for an unusually long time. Holy shit that makes so much sense. Explains why he said it over and over, too, because the last time I didn’t hear from him in an unusually long time I lost my shit entirely and broke up with him. He is being understandably cautious to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Here’s an epiphany I’ve had about my relationship with The Pedant: he can be prickly to deal with, and often isn’t great at compromising in a relationship; his habits are just so ingrained. But he doesn’t expect me to change *my* ingrained habits, either. Nor does he expect me to sacrifice for him in basically any way ever (aside from I guess dealing with his incommunicado-between-visits thing when what feels natural to me is regular texting. Even then, though, if I text him all the time he’ll usually answer and never acts annoyed by it. I am not made to feel like a freak for texting. We just have different styles). This boy with his incredibly fastidious hygiene comes over to my disgustingly unkempt apartment and doesn’t say anything about it. Doesn’t make exaggerated ew-gross faces if he steps in something icky. Doesn’t tell me I should clean up. Offered to help me clean up a couple years back when I expressed that I wanted the place not to look like this anymore, but otherwise just tactfully pretends that everything is fine and normal.
The Pedant is a little “off” mentally or emotionally in some way…I used to think he was on the autism spectrum somewhere but now I’m not so sure. But there’s something up with him. He’s baffled by most social conventions and doesn’t understand a lot of things about human interaction that seem to come naturally to other people. And I think as a result he accepts people more than most neurotypical people do. Neurotypical people just assume the whole world (and everyone in it) works in a certain way and won’t even believe someone who says it’s different for them. The Pedant does believe people when they tell him how they work, even if it’s different from him and he doesn’t understand it. Because even the stuff most people take for granted is weird and foreign to him so he’s used to having to take people’s word for shit.
So yeah. He accepts me on a level that many partners haven’t, and it’s wonderful, and I would like to return the favour.
Also he happens to have similar eating habits to mine, so he actually enjoys the sorts of meals I make when he’s over, which is a big load off my mind (my eating habits are weird to a lot of people). And (I’m finally beginning to fully understand) he’s really pretty much immune to rudeness (it’s the happy flip side to his socially tone-deaf nature that causes him to say stupid things without knowing they’re stupid). If he’s saying something that’s pissing me off, I don’t have to stew while I think of a tactful way of expressing myself. I can just be like “STOP TALKING NOW” and he will.
I think this relationship could be easy if I let it be.
Oh, on a whole other note, I was bitching to The Pedant about how I’m on new anti-anxiety meds and I actually really like them so far, but every medication I’ve ever taken for this eventually stops working so probably everything’s gonna fuck up again after a few months. He said “Well, while you’re still doing well, it might be a good idea to start working out aggressively and also to try to fix whatever areas of your life you can that will allow you to coast more easily if the meds stop working.” He’s bang on, and this was in fact already my plan. Smart boy.
So, we had the big deep talk and then The Pedant needed to sleep some more and I didn’t so I came into the living room and did other things for a while. After a few hours I was sleepy so I went back into the bedroom and got into bed next to The Pedant, who automatically opened his arms to me and entwined his body with mine. We snuggled for a bit but he actually had had enough sleep and wanted to get up. He proposed we watch some Archer on Netflix. Fuck yes. I’ve seen the whole series a bunch of times now, and being snugglepetted while watching familiar cartoons is the single best way of getting me past my chronic insomnia.
So I slept while he stroked my back and ass and it was awesome. But then he had to leave.
First he hopped in the shower to rinse off all the sex residue. He came out, naked, and was like “Okay…what do I have to do…?” like trying to assess what-all he had to gather up etc. in the getting-ready-to-leave process.
I said “Well first, you need to stand there while I press my body against yours, because I love how you feel when you’re all damp and clean.” The Pedant chuckled and acquiesced to this. I hugged him and we kissed a bit and I said something like “Too bad you have to leave. If you didn’t, I’d be undoing the effects of that shower right about now.”
“I’ll come over again soon,” The Pedant said, and actually he suggested Wednesday (so like…a couple days from now). It seems that with othergirl out of the picture we’re back to him wanting to see me a fair bit. I’m okay with this, though wary that it’s just a rebound phase that will soon pass.
I went back to the couch to watch him finish dressing. As he dressed, we talked a bit about othergirl and why she broke up with him.
The Pedant said that apparently she’d been hinting to him for some time that certain things he said were pissing her off (apparently he had a running joke about how she should hook up with her (female) best friend…yeah, these are the kinds of stupid/annoying things he says) and he missed it. Looking back now he can kind of see what was up, but he didn’t at the time.
He told me that he finds it really hard to understand what people want out of him in a relationship, but with me it’s less-hard and he’s grateful that I’m so direct with him.
I will admit to having a bit of schadenfreud here. The Pedant had gone on and on about how he and othergirl were soooo compatible because she doesn’t need a lot of texting between visits either, and seemed not to follow or understand lots of social conventions. But it turns out she’s not that revolutionary – she still does the stereotypical chick thing of hinting instead of saying, and then getting mad when her partner doesn’t pick up on it. I don’t do that. So I WIN.
Also I think his experience with othergirl has possibly allowed him to appreciate me more. So it’s nice that there’s an upside to the stupid drama the relationship peripherally put me through.
tl;dr: nice visit, good sex, and I’m in a pretty good mood right now – but also feeling apprehensive about The Pedant’s scheduled visit with othergirl tomorrow to pick his stuff up from her place. I want The Pedant to be happy and yet at the same time I kind of hated that he was dating this woman because it caused me a lot of shit. I’m wondering whether they’ll talk things over some more when he’s there and end up reconciling. I don’t know her at all and thus have no idea whether she’s prone to dumping a guy impulsively when she’s pissed off but then reconsidering, or if her breakups are permanent. Guess we’ll see.