The Pedant ended up inviting me out for sushi yesterday (“I need to eat, and I need my umbrella back.”). Totally public outing, no sex. Ah well. But the sushi was delicious.
During dinner we we talked about me blowing up at him for sleeping through our previous plans. A few hours after that blowup, when I was feeling a little calmer, I did actually send him a follow-up text that I’d realized my anger was largely because I’d been willing to alter my sleep patterns in order to see him and clearly wouldn’t do the same for me – but he hadn’t asked me to sacrifice my sleep for him, so I did kinda bring that on myself. He followed up on this sentiment over sushi and I explained it a bit more. I said that the thing with him is he just doesn’t seem to compromise for people at all. He just lives his life and expects other people to fit themselves into it (like how he invited me to sushi! He needed to eat anyway, might as well be with me). Which is not an issue for me if my own comings and goings happen to fit his, but if I actually sacrifice anything in order to see him, the obvious imbalance pisses me off (which again, is my fault for sacrificing in the first place). I pointed out how the time before last that he slept through our plans, he was supposed to drop by sometime in the “mid-evening” and I’d had no plans but hanging out at home. I wasn’t putting off doing anything because of him; I didn’t change my life around. I just watched cartoons n shit like I normally would, and suddenly realized it was 10pm and “mid evening” had long passed, and The Pedant said he’d fallen asleep and I was like “meh.” But this most recent time, I’d been wrecked and wanting to sleep…but also wanted to see him, so I tried to structure my sleep around that. And therefore when he slept through our appointed visit time I felt fucked over.
The Pedant was like “Oh, don’t ever compromise yourself in order to see me. I mean obviously I’d like to see you, but if you’re tired or get offered a last-minute shift or whatever, that’s fine – we’ll work something out for another time.” Now, to be clear, I never sacrificed for him because I thought he expected it, I sacrificed because it sometimes seemed like the only way to see him because he’s so busy/flighty/etc. But it still felt really good to hear him say that. I guess on some level I assumed he didn’t care if he fucked me over. He just comes across as so selfish and obtuse sometimes. But I guess it’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s that he never even realized I was feeling that way/making those sacrifices.
The Pedant also said that he did start setting an alarm after I suggested it – he just forgot to on that particular night. So that’s something.
After sushi I had to work. The Pedant had said that he had a bunch of errands he needed to run, and yet he opted to accompany me to work instead, under the flimsy pretext that it was rush hour and the direction his errands were in was the crowded one so he might as well kill some time with me instead. Which I liked and welcomed, but man, The Pedant is so…weird. It’s like when I’m not around, I’m not real to him – he can go ages without seeing me, doesn’t seem to miss me, doesn’t get turned on by my dirty-talk texts – I kind of just don’t exist. But then once we’re together he apparently remembers the chemistry and fun we have together and never wants to leave it. He’s gone months without seeing me before, and yet pretty much every time he’s come by “just for a minute” to pick something up or drop something off he ended up in bed with me for ten hours. He’s come over ostensibly for an evening and ended up staying for two or three days. Usually when he kisses me goodbye at the end of a visit he’ll give me the mushiest look ever and say “talk soon” like he’s so into me that he fully plans on being in touch in the very near future. But once he finally leaves he’s just…gone. No contact except for practical reasons. I have ceased to exist again.
I’m also baffled by The Pedant’s stance on public displays of affection. Usually he’s pretty aloof and standoffish with me in public – and I remember him telling me once that he doesn’t like to look “attached” to anyone – and yet if I do touch him it usually opens up some kind of floodgate. Like, we met up yesterday in the bus terminal near the sushi place, and I went to hug him and give him a chaste-ish kiss on the mouth and he just…pulled me in and started kissing me with so much fervor and tongue that it surpassed my boundaries on public affection and I had to pull away. And yet when we were on the bus to my evening gig, I found two seats together and sat in one of them and he awkwardly remained standing until I told him “You can sit, you know.” He subsided into the seat next to me and his hand lay between us; once or twice he surreptitiously stroked my outer thigh where it touched his hand, but otherwise he sat so rigidly upright and separate from me that passers-by might not even have realized we knew each other.
We got to my workplace stupid-early by accident. I was feeling a migraine coming on, so we made an emergency stop at a convenience store for pain relievers and then went to a coffee shop to kill some time. I took one of the pain pills and slumped in my chair having a small, private self-pity party. Suddenly The Pedant was lightly caressing the shaved parts of my head and the sensation filled up my consciousness so completely that basically everything around me faded to black. All that existed was The Pedant and his delicate fingers and the warm bulk of his body standing next to my chair and his voice murmuring “Is this making your headache any better?” It was – not by chasing it away but by giving me something else to focus on. I nodded and leaned my head against his stomach while his continued his ministrations. I wish I understood why he’ll be affectionate in public sometimes but not others.
After a minute or two of head-pets, The Pedant noted that it was about time for me to head to work. We walked over to my gig and once again when I leaned in to kiss him it turned into this whole huge thing. When I kiss him in private, he’ll immediately go passive and let his mouth just fall open without even kissing me back; in public, he seems to be trying to conform to some image in his head of a man sweeping a woman off her feet with his mad skillz. Like as soon as he sees that I’m leaning in, he’ll smirk, yank me up against him, and start kissing me very…actively, and with a lot of tongue. I wish he had a happy medium between “totally passive” and “goes at it like he has something to prove” (in kissing and in sex, actually) but what can you do? I did enjoy being kissed back for a change, and I also enjoyed that tiny moment when I was gently disengaging (because public place and time constraints) and he was still trying to come back in for more kisses. God, I wanted to take him home and fuck him. But we both had stuff to do, so it’ll have to wait.
Nice time overall, if less naked than I might have hoped.