Own your shit.

I was mostly doing okay with seeing The Pedant again. I’m not so emotionally invested. I’m enjoying the sex. I seem to have made peace with the fact that he’s not one for chitchat and will not ever contact me between visits except to plan the next one.

But there’s still his chronic lateness.

Often, he’s late because he falls asleep unexpectedly and wakes up after the point when he should have left the house already. He does have an endless, catlike capacity for sleep, and dozes off instantly and deeply. I’ve seen it. But still. The last time we hung out, I ended up waiting at our appointed meeting place for an extra 45 minutes because of this – he texted me at the time he was supposed to actually be there saying he’d just left the house because surprise nap. I texted back with “You need to start setting your alarm for half an hour before you need to leave for stuff, just in case you doze off.” He replied with “That’s a good idea, actually.” Yeah no kidding. How had he not figured it out for himself yet? But hey, now that it occurs to him to set an alarm so he doesn’t sleep through shit, he’ll stop wasting everyone’s time with these surprise nap attacks, right?


During that last get-together he accidentally left his umbrella at my place. He’s been wanting to come over and get it back. Originally he was going to do that a few days ago in the evening – . I got a text from him at 10pm saying he’d fallen asleep and was now running late for other plans he had that night so he wouldn’t be able to make it. His idea of coming over had been pretty vague, no specific time mentioned, and I was just hanging around at home anyway so I wasn’t especially miffed. Then he changed his mind and said that since he’ll probably have to take a cab to be on time for those other plans, he might as well swing by my place along the way. At 11:45 there was still no sign of him and I was like “Ummmm did I mention I have to be up at 8am tomorrow for work?” He promptly texted back saying I’d probably better just get to bed, then, because he still hadn’t left yet. (And can we just notice here that The Pedant was running late for his nighttime plans as of 10pm and still hadn’t managed to leave the house almost two hours later? What is the goddamned holdup, Pedant? Just throw on one of your many identical, utilitarian outfits and leave already!)

Our second attempt at this was supposed to happen tonight. He said he could come over at around midnight and would stay for a bit – not just pick up the umbrella and go. As it happens, I’ve been really backed up on sleep lately, but I don’t have to be up til noon tomorrow. I figured if I napped for a few hours in the evening and went to bed right after he left, I’d do okay.

I ended up getting waylaid getting groceries and stuff, and not settling down for a nap until 11pm. The Pedant almost always leaves for shit late, though (totally separate from his falling asleep issue – he just gets ready for shit stupid-slowly. It always takes him a good hour or more just to get dressed and leave my house when he’s here), so I figured since he said midnight I’d probably get a text at a quarter to saying “Sorry, sorry, I just left, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I set the ringer on my phone to “phone calls only” and told The Pedant to call – not text – when he was walking up the street to my house. If he was late because of getting ready slowly – which I’ve resigned myself to, with him – I’d stand to get maybe two hours’ sleep before he arrived, which isn’t too shabby.

It’s hard for me to fall asleep when I know I’ll probably be disturbed in just an hour or two, but I managed. I expected to be woken up by my phone ringing at 1am, tops, and to have gotten a bunch of “whoops sorry I’m running late…okay I’m leaving the house now…okay I’m almost there…” text updates from The Pedant in the meantime. Instead I woke up of my own accord at 2am and there was no word from him whatsoever. Which immediately pissed me off because I knew he’d goddamned fallen asleep again. I was sacrificing/interrupting my own sleep for him (and had managed to put a system in place where my sleeping wouldn’t fuck him over – imagine that!) and he was just…not respecting my time at all. So much for “Ohhhh – set an alarm for myself just in case I fall asleep! What a good idea!”

So then this series of texts happened:

Me: …Why do I get the feeling you’ve fallen asleep? [second text, maybe ten min later] Well, I hate the feeling of being in limbo, could easily go to sleep right now for the rest of the night, and it’s a full two hours past your ETA. Ringer is going off entirely. Talk to you whenever.

Pedant [about fifteen minutes later, and I had not actually gone back to sleep because too pissed off]: I did fall asleep. >.< A big meal and a comfy couch will do that. Sorry about this.

Me: You are in your goddamned THIRTIES, have been fucking things up by falling asleep unexpectedly for as long as I’ve known you, acted like my advice last time to set an alarm was an amazing revelation that had never occurred to you before, and yet apparently opted not to start DOING it. Get. Your. Fucking. Shit. Together.

Pedant: Point taken. I’ll leave you alone for tonight. Have a good evening.

He says “point taken.” But Is it? Is it really? Because he and I have been hanging out in one capacity or another for what, four or five years, and he’s been pulling this same shit. And pulling it on all his other friends, too. And not taking any of the simple, obvious measures to prevent it. Or maybe the point he’s “taking” isn’t that he needs to own up to this foible of his and take steps to mitigate it – maybe the only point he’s “taking” is that I’m pissed off. The fact that he was like “I’ll leave you alone for tonight” indicates that he assumed he would still be coming over, just much later than planned, and in the past I have allowed him to do this sometimes. But did he really think he could get away with it forever? That he could keep doing the same stupid and entirely preventable thing and I’d just be endlessly accommodating? “Oh look, you once again opted not to set an alarm just in case you fell asleep…and once again slept entirely through the time you set to see me. Oh well, just come on over six hours late on a worknight and we’ll still have all the sex!”

Ugh. I was already having a bad day today because reasons and really needed to feel loved…which I don’t when someone dozes right through our plans. When I’m excited to see someone I don’t generally fall asleep an hour or two before I’m supposed to see them.- and if I do, it’s a deliberate nap and I set my damn alarm. Yeah, The Pedant really does fall asleep quickly and deeply at the drop of a hat, and can’t seem to control it – but that doesn’t excuse him from keeping his commitments. He needs to set an alarm and/or go to a fucking doctor because it really is ridiculous and I wonder if he has sleep apnea or something preventing him from ever getting proper rest.

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One response to “Own your shit.

  1. Pingback: Sushi with The Pedant | hiding in plain sight

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