Ah well.

Mine and I amicably broke up tonight via text.

He lives in a different city and doesn’t drive, so he has to rely on the erratic bus schedule to get here. Plus the freelance nature of his job means he works all the damn time and it’s hard to predict when he’ll ever be free. It’s been a problem for us. Honestly I suspect my feeling lately of having fallen out of love with him is just my emotional guard going up because I never know when I’ll see him next and it’s just too difficult and vulnerable to be yearning after him all the time.

Recently he interviewed for a job at Home Depot (steady, predictable work! Hallelujah!) and it went well. His driver’s test was the next day. If he got the job and had the freedom of being able to drive, he’d be able to visit me even when buses weren’t running! He’d have specific, pre-scheduled days off and could make real plans with me!

But he got nervous and failed the test. And the Home Depot job required a car.

And I believe that’s why he texted me tonight saying “I don’t think I can be your sub. My life is fucked.”

His life is kinda fucked right now. He’s stuck in his tiny, shitty town and can’t get around because he’s not allowed to drive without his mom in the car. But the fact that he knows things are going badly and told me that he thought he should bail makes me respect him to no end. Most other guys, in my experience, would’ve either pulled a fade or strung me along with false promises that things would get better (*cough*BUNNY*cough).

I have no hard feelings at all and have told him that the door is open for us to resume our dynamic one day once his life is a bit more stable.

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One response to “Ah well.

  1. Pingback: Braindump | hiding in plain sight

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